What Kind of Love Is This?
by kt2785
Summary: Sawyer is devastated over the death of Juliet. Kate helps him through it. This is what I think could possibly happen. It's a work in progress. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: OK…so this thought came to me immediately after the season finale. My friend and I were discussing, and she actually made a really good point. Juliet couldn't have just erased 3 years of their lives, so what if when she blew up the bomb, it was only enough to contain the electromagnetism, so that they could continue building the hatch. I'm going to absolutely hate it if she stops the plane crash completely because first of all what are they going to do for an entire season? And secondly, how can they erase 5 seasons of what has happened to them. It would totally suck and I would hate it. So therefore…my story is…Juliet has stopped the electromagnetism enough so that they can finish building the hatch and the button. But instead of still being in the 70's…They are all in 2008 and the hatch is a hole in the ground.**

The bright light was blinding. Kate and Jack were still trying to keep Sawyer from going to the pit. They all closed their eyes and covered their ears. The shaking stopped and Sawyer opened his eyes.

"Juliet!" he exclaimed in a whisper. He saw the hole that was once the hatch, and looked in. He shook his head and looked at Jack and Kate, who were staring at him. "What are you looking at?! Help me dig!"

"Sawyer," Jack started.

"No!" Sawyer yelled. "You have no idea what we've been through Jack! You were back in civilization living your perfect lives! Losing Kate…I don't care. Juliet is the only person that has ever cared about me. She's the only person who has actually loved me."

He jumped into the hole and started clawing at the ground vigorously. Kate looked at him sadly and made her way down the hole. She touched his shoulder and he pushed her away, but didn't use much force. He continued to dig.

"Dig dammit!" he exclaimed. "Kate!"

She knelt down next to him and touched his back. He stopped digging and looked at the ground. It was solid. There was nothing there. He looked at her and locked eyes.

"Kate?" he whispered. "Kate, help me."

"She saved us," Kate said.

"Where is she?" he asked.

"I don't know," she whispered. She touched his shoulder gently and he turned away and climbed back out of the hole. Kate stood up, but didn't climb out after him. She looked at the ground and closed her eyes.

"It didn't work!" he exclaimed. "We're supposed to be landing safely at LAX! What's going on? Where are we! When are we! Son of a bitch!"

"Well," Jack looked around. "I think it's safe to say that we're not in the 70's anymore."

"You!" Sawyer exclaimed. "Shut up! Shut up! If you hadn't-"

"It's not my fault she got sucked into the hole!"

"Stop it!" Kate yelled. Climbing out of the hole and looking at both of them. "Stop it both of you. It's not going to help anything."

"I can't start all over," Sawyer whispered. "I can't do this. No one is-this wasn't supposed to happen! We _were _supposed to be together dammit! She didn't believe it-she thought. God I shouldn't have-this is all my fault. I shouldn't have looked at you Kate. I should have looked at her. I should have looked at her. It's not fair. I shouldn't have let her go. It's-it's my fault."

"James," Kate started.

"Don't," he said sternly. "It's my fault."

He sat down on the ground. He looked at the sky and then back into the hole in the ground that was once the hatch. He wiped his hand over his face. His hand was covered with dirt, so now his face was too. He shook his head and leaned forward. He put his head against the ground and put his hands on the back of his head. He was crying, but not sobbing. Kate sighed softly and put her arms around him. He quickly stood up, pushing her away once more. He started walking into the jungle. Kate stood up and started following him.

"What are you doing?" Jack asked.

"What does it look like?" she whispered.

"Sawyer!" Jack exclaimed. "Where are we going?"

"Don't matter doc," Sawyer scoffed. "I'm going. I can't be there. I just can't."

As they walked, Kate realized that they were heading back to the dharma village. She wasn't sure what she would find there, but since The Other's had abandoned it back in 2004, she was sure that it would be just as abandoned. When they came through the clearing and saw that the village was broken down and not lived in, Kate wasn't sure what Sawyer's plan would be. He walked up the steps to his and Juliet's house. Kate and Jack still followed him.

"Juliet!" he exclaimed. Kate looked at Jack sadly.

"Sawyer," Jack started. "Sawyer, there's no one here."

"No!" he shook his head. "She was alive! She blew up the bomb right? I mean what else could it have been? She's alive. She has to be. She's the only person who cares about me. She loved me. She loves me. I felt it. I felt how much she loved me. She just-she's just gone."

Kate quickly walked toward him and wrapped her arms around him.

"Don't push me away," she whispered into his ear. She held on to him and he let her. He lowered them to the ground, but he wasn't crying. He was just holding her just as tightly as she was holding him. Kate sighed into his ear and sniffled.

"I'm so sorry," she said softly. "I'm so sorry. Now I know how much you really loved her James."

"Don't call me James," he stated. "Please Kate."

"Ok," she whispered. He stood up and shook his head.

"How is this possible?" he asked. "How can she be gone?"

"I don't know," Kate shrugged. "How can any of this happen? How are we going between time? When are we? I mean…I guess we're back to present day, but how can we be so sure?"

"Rose and Bernard," he said. Sawyer walked out of the house quickly and ran into the jungle blindly.

"He's not thinking straight," Jack murmured.

"What exactly did you expect would happen Jack?" Kate asked. "He just watched Juliet die. And it's very obvious to me that they loved each other. S'why I stayed away…but now…he needs us Jack."

"What are we supposed to do Kate?" he inquired. "Juliet is gone. She's gone. We can't bring her back. We obviously can't erase time. I guess I was wrong."

"Guess you were," she answered. She walked after Sawyer at a quick walk, but not run. Jack followed too, begrudgingly. They had been walking for what seemed like hours, and then Kate spotted the little shack in the middle of the clearing. She heard barking and smiled to herself.

"Vincent?" Jack asked. Kate didn't say anything, but when they came through the clearing, there was no sign of Rose or Bernard.

"Where are they?" Sawyer asked Vincent. Vincent barked again and then bounded into the jungle. Sawyer, Kate, and Jack all followed him. They were walking quickly and they were walking for about 15 minutes before they heard a small trickling sound. When they came through the trees they were at the caves. Vincent was barking again and pawing slightly at the skeletons which had deteriorated even more.

"They died here?" Kate whispered. "Well when the hell did they die?"

"I'm guessing back in the 70's," Jack answered. Sawyer sat down and put his face into the water. For a minute, Kate thought that he wasn't going to come up for a breath, but finally he sat up and wiped the water off his face.

"Getting dark," Sawyer whispered. "I guess we should just stay here for tonight, but tomorrow I'm going back to the beach."

"Why?" Kate asked."There's no point on staying in the middle of the jungle. And there's no point on going back to the Dharma village, might as well just stay where it all started," he answered.

"What about finding The Others?" Jack asked. "I mean, they know us. Maybe we should find them and join them."

"Join them?" Sawyer asked. "You can't just join them Jack. And besides, the last time they saw us was back in the 70's. They're not going to just let us join them. It doesn't work that way.""Seemed to work that way for Ben and Locke," he answered.

"You and Kate do what you want, I ain't joinin' nobody," he responded.

"What do you think Kate?" Jack asked."I think we all need to try to get some sleep," she said. "It's been a long day."

That night Kate was trying to sleep, but it wasn't really working too well. She could hear Jack snoring softly. She opened her eyes and looked at him. He was sleeping and never looked more content. She couldn't understand how he could be content, when yet another person had died in front of their eyes. She heard rustling behind her. She turned her head, but not her body. Sawyer was tossing and turning. His back was to her, and she knew that he wasn't sleeping. She got up and walked toward him. She touched him gently on the shoulder and he jerked quickly and sat up.

"Sorry," she whispered.

"Am I keeping you awake?" he asked.

"No," she shook her head. "I can't really sleep either."

She took a seat next to him and sighed deeply.

"She believed in me," he whispered. "Y'know, after I jumped out of the helicopter…she totally changed-I didn't really know her that well. Did you?"

"No," she answered.

"I just knew that she was keeping Jack distracted, and that was fine by me," he smirked and looked at her. Kate frowned, slightly embarrassed by her behavior, even though it was a time 3 years ago that he was referring to. "But when I swam back to the island…she was sitting on the beach all by herself. And I was all by myself. We sorta clung to each other, because we were all each other had. I mean, I knew nobody at the beach. I know that's my own fault, but you were the only person I really took the time to talk to. From the time the island started jumping time, till about 12 hours ago, Juliet always had my back. She was with me in whatever I wanted to do, and I was with her. That's why when she made the decision that we were going back…I was with her. I'm sorry I didn't want to go back with you Kate, but I was thinking about Juliet and...never mind. I went back with her because she wanted to go back. I had to listen to her because she's listened to me for 3 years."

"Sawyer," Kate whispered. "I'm so sorry-"

"Don't say," he shook his head. "I know you're sorry Kate. It ain't your fault those chains pulled her in. You tried to save her, and I appreciate that. She changed her mind…she thought it was the right thing to do, to blow up the bomb. I thought we'd be together. I mean for the first time I actually had my life on track."

"Sorry we screwed everything up," she said.

"Dammit Kate, you didn't screw things up," he scoffed. "That's not what I'm saying. I just really thought that we were going to make it."

"How can you say that I didn't screw things up?" she asked. "You said on the sub that you guys were happy before we showed up. I know you were happy before we wrecked everything. And if we hadn't come back, then you and Juliet would be together and she wouldn't be dead because we wouldn't have had to stop Jack-"

"Kate you can ask all the what ifs you want," he interrupted. "But if you hadn't come back…then that means I never would have seen you again. I'm glad to see you Kate. I'm glad that we have the potential to be back in each other's lives…and I'm not trying to dishonor Juliet's death, because I don't mean being with each other…I just mean…I missed you. I don't think I ever told you that. I missed you Freckles."

"I missed you too," she whispered. "I missed you too."

"Goodnight Kate," he said.

"Night," she answered.

They both laid down. Kate started dozing off. She had her eyes closed, but she was facing Sawyer. Sawyer thought that Kate was asleep. He whispered softly.

"I'm all alone now," he whispered. "Why did you leave me alone Blondie?"

"You're not alone," Kate said softly. She moved toward him, but didn't get too close. She grabbed his hand in hers and squeezed it. She let go of his hand, because she wasn't sure if she was crossing the line or not. She gave him a soft reassuring smile. He didn't smile, but he didn't turn away either.

"She was pregnant," Sawyer said. "She was afraid to tell me because-she. She didn't want to tell me because she was afraid of what I would say. Afraid of what I'd do."

"Well I guess it's good she finally told you," she answered.

"She didn't tell me," he replied. "But I knew. Something about her these last few days. I knew something was different. Those chains crushed her. She must have been so scared Kate."

"I think you being there helped," she said. "When you came, she had this almost near look of contentment. I saw the fear melt away from her when you were holding on to her."

"You just saying that to make me feel better?" he asked.

"Maybe a little," she admitted. "But Sawyer, you don't have to be alone. You don't have to deal with it all by yourself. You told me that you and Juliet clung to each other because you were all each other had. I heard you say that you were all alone. You're not alone Sawyer."

"Thanks Freckles," he whispered.

**A/N: Ok…so should I keep on going? What did everyone else think of the finale? Please please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks so much for the great reviews. Skatefan-I realized that I totally didn't put Jin, Hurley and Sayid in my last chapter. They didn't disappear.**

He watched Kate and Jack sleeping. He couldn't stop thinking about her. He didn't want to think about their happier times together, because it just reminded him that she was gone. He remembered how pissed he was right after the freighter exploded. Juliet had been there to hold him back from almost beating up Daniel. She forced him to talk about when he saw Kate in the jungle. It wasn't anything he had wanted to talk about, but somehow he knew he could trust her. It took them 3 years to get to where they were. He loved her so much. If someone had told him to choose between Kate and Juliet he wouldn't have been able to.

"Stop it James," he murmured to himself.

He closed his eyes.

_He opened his eyes and Juliet was shaking him awake._

"_Juliet!" he exclaimed. "I knew it. I knew you were ok."_

_He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her softly._

"_You let go," he whispered. "Why did you let go?"_

"_James," she said and touched his face. "I had to. Neither of us could hold on anymore."_

"_Let's go home," he replied._

"_We can't go home James," she shook her head. "I have to go."_

"_What?" he asked. "No. You're not leaving me." _

"_Just remember how much I love you James," she whispered. He shook his head and backed away slightly._

"_No!" he exclaimed. _

"_James," she said so softly he could barely hear her. "It's ok. It's ok to love her."_

"No!" Sawyer yelled and opened his eyes. His eyes were wet with tears. Kate and Jack were still sleeping. He stood up and walked into the jungle.

In the morning when Kate woke up, Jack drinking water from the creek. He splashed the water on his neck and sighed deeply. She didn't see Sawyer. She quickly stood up and looked at Jack.

"Where's Sawyer?" she asked.

"I don't know," he whispered. "He was gone when I woke up. I thought-"

"Do you even care?" she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What are you talking about?" Jack scoffed. "It's my fault that she's dead in the first place Kate! If it hadn't been for my stupid bomb she'd be fine!"

"Jack," she closed her eyes.

"I don't know where Sawyer went," he interrupted. "I was about to wake you up so we could both go find him."

"I'm fine," Sawyer said, coming through the trees. "I just went…to think. You guys ready to go?"

"Yeah," Kate nodded. "You ok Ja-Sawyer?"

"Yeah," he said nonchalantly. "Let's just get to the beach. Maybe we can salvage a couple of our tents."

"Dudes!" Hurley exclaimed coming through the trees and panting. "Where were you guys?!"

"Hurley," Kate said softly. She walked toward him. "Are you alright? Where's Sayid? Jin?"

"Right behind me," he answered. Sayid came through the trees with Miles and Jin trailing and holding on to him. Sayid looked bad. They stopped walking and Sayid went to the ground. Jack immediately knelt in front of him and checked his breathing.

"We gotta get some water in him," Jack whispered "And antibiotics."

"Where are we going to get antibiotics?" Kate asked.

"Follow me," Sawyer said.

"What?" Jack questioned.

"You gonna follow me?" he asked.

"You know where there's some antibiotics?" Jack said.

"Yeah," Sawyer nodded. "Are you going to trust me or just sit here?"

"I can't," Sayid moaned.

"Jack, someone should stay here with him," Kate whispered.

"You and Sawyer go then," Jack answered. "We'll be here when you get back."

Kate nodded and looked at Sawyer. They started off into the jungle. Kate tried to keep up with Sawyer, but he was walking quickly. She kept wanting to say something to him, but she didn't know how to start the conversation. She wasn't sure what to say to a man who has just lost the love of his life. She wondered what Juliet said to him to comfort him. She wasn't good at small talk. She wasn't good at comforting someone who didn't want her comfort.

"It's not much farther," he whispered. "We're almost there."

He came to a clearing in the jungle and started moving the sand away. There was a suitcase buried in the sand. He opened it and it was filled with supplies. Food, medicine, and Kate saw a small box of condoms. She crossed her arms and waited for Sawyer to dig the suitcase out completely. He closed it again and picked it up out of the sand. She raised her eyebrows and he chuckled.

"I know," he nodded. "We coulda used those condoms…but I didn't exactly have time to stop you when you came visiting late at night."

"Trying to make me feel guilty?" she asked softly.

"No," he whispered. "Just sayin'. Come on Freckles…let's go."

They walked back to the caves and Sawyer quickly threw the suitcase at Jack's feet. Jack opened the suitcase and started sifting through the bottles of medication.

"Good thing I was a pack rat asshole huh?" Sawyer asked softly. "I'm going back to the beach. Come with me or don't."

"Sawyer you can't go alone," Kate protested.

"So come with me," he murmured. Kate looked at Jack and he shrugged.

"Your call," he said. "You know how I feel about the caves Kate."

"I just don't think he should be alone," she whispered. She looked toward where Sawyer used to be standing, but he was gone. Kate looked at Jack, but then went after Sawyer. She didn't run, but she walked briskly and soon came to him. He was walking slowly. He was looking at the ground as he walked. He kicked the jungle floor. Kate walked next to him and looked at him as they walked.

"Why are you following me?" he asked.

"Because you really shouldn't be alone," she responded. "Jack can't exactly leave Sayid to die. I'm sorry that you don't want my company, but our conversation last night would suggest otherwise. I really thought you wanted my help."

"No one can help me Kate," he answered, scratching his forehead. He walked ahead of her. Kate continued to follow him at a short distance. When they got to the beach Kate looked around. The tents were still there but they were mostly rubble. She walked over to her old tent and knelt down. She tossed some of the rubble aside. She sat down and looked over at Sawyer's tent which was also rubble. Sawyer was walking down the beach. She came so that Sawyer wouldn't have to be alone, but he was alone anyway.

He sat down on the sand and looked into the water. Kate stood up and walked toward him. He looked up at her and she looked at him.

"You wanna talk about it?" she asked.

"Not particularly," he answered. "But if you're going to make me."

"I'm not going to make you do anything," Kate shook her head.

"Juliet would have," he smiled, not trying to make Kate feel bad. "I saw you."

"What?" she asked.

"When the island was jumping through time," he said. "We were in the middle of the jungle and we heard screaming. I went toward the noises. It was you and Claire. It was the night the baby was born."

Kate opened her mouth several times but couldn't seem to say anything.

"Afterwards," he sighed. "Juliet made me talk about it. Well, I guess she didn't really make me talk…but she asked me how I felt to see you again. I could have stood up and talked to you, Freckles."

"Why didn't you?" Kate asked softly. He had an odd déja vu of when Juliet asked the same thing.

"Because it wouldn't have changed anything," he shrugged. "I-I knew that it wouldn't have changed anything. It would have just given us another memory. I had a dream about her. She told me she loved me. I couldn't even do that! I didn't tell her I loved her Kate. I should have-"

"Sawyer," Kate whispered. "Juliet knew you loved her."

"Really?" he asked. "I don't know. I didn't tell her. She told me 3 times and all I could do-"

"Was hold on to her hand as tight as you possibly could," she interrupted. "You were the last thing she saw before she fell. She was looking into your eyes, and hearing you beg for her not to give up. She knew James."

She looked down at her hands which were scraped badly from holding on to the chains. Sawyer looked at them and sighed.

"Your hands," he murmured.

"I'll be fine," she said.

"I didn't notice them yesterday," he whispered.

"Why would you?" she asked. "My hands are gonna be just fine Sawyer. Don't worry about me. I'm worried about you."

"Remember-remember when we played I never?" he said softly.

"Yeah," she nodded.

"Remember how I said I'd never been in love?" he asked. "Well…now I know why. I never wanted to feel this way Kate. If I never fell in love I'd never have to feel like this."

Kate sighed and moved toward him. She reached down and took his hand in hers. Even though it hurt, she intertwined their fingers.

"I'm sorry," she sniffled, with tears beginning to stream down her face.

"I lost you," he said wrinkling his forehead. "I thought you were dead. Somehow it wasn't-I don't know if it's worse feeling to stare into Juliet's face seconds before she died, or watching the freighter burn not knowing if you were alive or dead. I loved you Kate. And don't say anything till I'm done. I loved you and I lost you. I didn't think I'd ever get over you. I didn't think I'd ever stop thinking about you. For months, even years, I just thought about you every night. I thought about if I hadn't jumped would we have had our chance? It was a really rough thing for me to try to get through. But as the weeks and months passed, I realized I can go on. I can move on. I can even let myself love someone else. Me and Juliet-"

He stopped talking and breathed in deeply. He shook his head vigorously and wiped his face. Kate knew he was trying to hide his tears from her.

"Sawyer, you don't have to-" she started. "You don't have to do this."

"Yes I do," he whispered. "Me and Juliet have only really been together this past year. It took me a really long time to look at her as more than just the woman who helped hold us captive. I thought about how she pointed a gun at you. But eventually, she stopped being an Other, and she was just my friend. And I don't have friends who are girls. I just don't. So eventually…I dunno. We just became more than that. She said 'I love you' first, but I didn't hesitate to say it back. But yesterday…I hesitated. I hesitated Kate, and now the last memory she has of me is me looking at you when Bernie was talking about growing old together."

"Sawyer we've already been through this," she shook her head. "Her last memory of you is you holding on to her hand as tightly as you possibly could."

"Jack said that he had you," he mumbled randomly. "He said he had you and he lost you…why did he lose you?"

Jack worked quickly. He got the bullet out and got Sayid to swallow some medication. Now all they could do was wait. They wouldn't be able to bring Sayid back to the beach tonight, so Jack decided he was going to stay in the caves. Sayid didn't look good. Jack wasn't sure that he would be able to save him or not, but he wouldn't give up.

"Where were you guys?" Hurley asked, right after Sawyer and Kate left.

"We took a couple detours," Jack sighed. "Juliet-Juliet died. We walked right past where you were supposed to be though...where did you go?"

"Miles and Dr. Chang ran past us. We decided to follow them. It wasn't easy with Sayid, but we thought it would be best to get far away from the explosion," Hurley replied. "But when the light dimmed everything looked different. I sorta got lost. Dr. Chang disappeared. Why did some of us come and some of us didn't."

"I already told you," Miles sighed deeply. "Pierre is from the 70's. He stayed because that's where he was supposed to be."

"So we weren't ever supposed to be in the 70's?" Hurley asked. "Then why were we?"

"I don't know," Miles whispered. "Jack...is Jim-Sawyer ok?"

"I don't know," Jack sighed. "I don't think he is."

"He and Juliet got close," Miles said. "Like...real close. It was almost sickening."

Jack wasn't sure why he felt so jealous. Maybe because he wanted so desperately to have made it work with Kate and he couldn't. He couldn't make it work with Kate even off the island and away from Sawyer. Sawyer made a life and fell in love with Juliet and kept her on the island. He didn't want Kate back. Kate and him were over. They didn't work and he didn't know how to make it work. He didn't know how to learn to trust her. And now she was at the beach with a broken hearted Sawyer. Anything could happen.

**A/N: Please please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

"_Why did he lose you?" Sawyer asked_

Kate looked at her hands and shook her head.

"He wasn't the man I thought he was," she whispered. "We got into a fight…a bad fight."

"About?" Sawyer asked.

"Clementine," she answered.

"What?" he asked softly.

"I came home late from visiting Cassidy and Clementine," she responded. "Jack didn't like it. I refused to tell him where I was. Things just…fell apart. But Jack…he wanted to erase everything. He wanted to erase it all."

"Right now," Sawyer mumbled. "I'm really wishing it had worked too, because if it had, then I never would have met Juliet, and I wouldn't-I wouldn't feel like this."

"But you wouldn't have anything of her James," Kate whispered. "I know that it sucks and it hurts. You said that it took you years to get over me…well it took me years too. I was still trying to forget everything that happened on that day. It was-it was hard. I never stopped thinking about you either."

"I'm gonna go rebuild my tent now," he said somewhat blankly. Kate stayed sitting on the sand while Sawyer walked over to his tent. The only thing he really had to do was move the tarp back over it. He went inside. Kate stayed on the beach and looked at the water.

"Kate?" Sawyer asked from the tent. She turned back and looked at him. "Can you-never mind."

He went back in the tent and closed the flap. Kate stood up and went to the tent door. She pulled the flap back and ducked in. She laid down next to Sawyer, but didn't touch him. He reached forward and touched her fingers with his ever so gently.

"Don't leave me," he whispered, already starting to fall asleep. He closed his eyes and actually went to sleep.

_Kate was running into the water._

"_Come on!" she exclaimed. He ran after her and picked her up. Her laughter was something that he missed. He forgot how much he missed it. He tossed her into the wave and she pushed his head under the water. He had forgotten all of this. What it felt like to be with her. Just being in her presence was enough. He didn't need anything more. And just when he thought that this was enough she put her arms around his neck and pulled him in to a kiss. Her lips. Her tongue. Her fingers gently on the nape of his neck. She wasn't as gentle as Juliet had been with him, but he liked it. Juliet was always so gentle and soft because she thought it's what he needed. But he needed the hard and quick motions that Kate always had. She backed away from his lips and smiled at him._

"_Maybe we were never supposed to be together," Kate's lips moved, but Juliet's voice said it. Sawyer took his arms from around Kate's waist, and suddenly they were in much deeper water. Sawyer pushed her under, but didn't know why he was doing it. Kate struggled against him and was screaming under the water, but then stopped moving and started sinking. She went deeper and deeper. Sawyer suddenly realized what happened and ducked under the water. He went under the water trying to find where she went but she was gone. He quickly came up and breathed in deeply._

_ "Kate!" he exclaimed. _

"_I love you," Juliet's voice sobbed. _

_"Juliet!?" he asked looking into the water and trying to find where the sound was coming from. _

"_I love you James," she said again. He spun around but he was alone on the beach. The water was gone, and all it was, was miles and miles of sand, as if he had somehow been transported to the desert._

"_I love you so much," she exclaimed. _

"_Juliet! Where are you?!" he yelled. Suddenly Kate appeared in the sand in front of him. He knelt down on the sand and touched her face softly. She was motionless and not breathing. _

"_Kate," he whispered. She disappeared again. He looked up and down the beach "Kate. Kate. Freckles! Kate!"_

"_I'm here," Kate whispered from behind him "It's ok. Shh." _

His eyes popped opened and Kate had his hand in hers and she was looking at him sadly.

"You ok?" she asked. "You were yelling my name in your sleep."

He shook his head, but then nodded. He got up and left the tent.

Jin and Hurley came through the trees. The last thing Sawyer really wanted to deal with was more people. Then he saw Jack and Miles, carrying Sayid. He was limp, and Sawyer knew he was dead. He stared at them and then came back to reality when Jin touched his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Jin said. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "I'll be fine."

Jin hesitated slightly before hugging him awkwardly and patting him on the back. Kate ducked back out of the tent and saw Jack and Miles carrying Sayid. Jack looked over at Kate coming out of Sawyer's tent. Kate was sure that Jack would think the worst, but she didn't care. She put her hand against Sawyer's shoulder gently and watched as Jack and Miles brought Sayid to the graveyard.

* * *

Sayid was breathing shortly. Jack was sitting with his elbows resting on his knees.

"What do we do now?" Miles asked.

"We really can't do much," Jack answered. "Just wait."

"I think we should go to the beach Miles," Jin said. "Make sure that Sawyer's not doing something stupid."

"Kate will take care of him," Jack whispered. "But if you want to go, there's really nothing you can do here."

Sayid started breathing heavily. Jack looked at him and then checked his eyes and then his wound. Sayid coughed and then stopped breathing. Hurley looked at Jack with his eyes widened. Jack quickly started working on him again. He started doing CPR. Jack worked on him for a good 5 more minutes, but Sayid wasn't breathing and his pulse was too weak.

"He's gone," Jack whispered.

"Dude," Hurley whispered. "We should. We should bring him back to the beach and bury him next to Shannon."

"Yeah," Jack nodded. "You're right. Can someone help me carry him?"

"I will," Miles stated.

They walked back into the jungle. When they got to the beach there was no sign of anyone. They did however notice that there were no tents intact other, than Sawyer's. Sawyer came out of the tent and Jin started walking toward him. As they walked Jack looked over at the tent, wondering where Kate could be. Wondering what was taking her so long to reappear. He hoped that they wouldn't have had sex this soon, but they had a torrid past. He watched Kate emerge from the tent. She put her hand gently on Sawyer's shoulder.

"What happened?" Jin said. "I mean, Jack said that she died, but he didn't really give details.

"She fell," Sawyer murmured. "She fell down the hatch. I couldn't save her. I didn't save her."

"She was being pulled down by these chains," Kate stated. "The hatch…the bomb didn't work so all the electromagnetic energy was pulling anything metal into the hatch pit. A chain somehow got wrapped around her body and pulled her in. We did everything we could. Sawyer would have gone in there after her if me and Jack hadn't stopped him.

"Sorry man," Hurley frowned.

"Yeah," Sawyer whispered. "Me too."

They buried Sayid and had a short memorial service. After everyone walked away Sawyer was left sitting and staring at the makeshift crosses. Most of them were knocking over because of the sand eroding and the years that they'd been sticking out of the ground. He was staring at the newest cross, which was the only one not falling over. Kate was standing near by. She took a step toward him and then sat down.

"There's nothing," he whispered.

"What?" she asked.

"Just like with you," he sighed. "There's nothing. We don't have anything."

"Sawyer what are you talking-" she started.

"There's no body," he interrupted. "Her coffin is the damn hatch. Yours was the stupid ocean. There's nothing to bury."

"Sawyer," she whispered. "Honey, don't do this to yourself."

"You said that you were just gonna be here for me right?" he asked. "So let me do whatever the hell I want to do."

"Fair enough," she nodded. "You're completely right. Do whatever you need to do."

"Whatever?" he asked softly. "Whatever I need to do?"

"Yeah," she nodded. He took a deep breath and then leaned toward her and kissed her. It was soft and gentle, with no tongue. He quickly backed away from her and looked at her with his eyes shifting. He wanted her to say something. Kate wanted to say something, but she had no idea what she was supposed to say. He quickly stood up and ran into the jungle. Kate let out a soft breath and then put her hands on the sand behind her and leaned back. She stood up and walked back down the beach to where the tents were. Jack was rebuilding his own tent. Miles had his tent already up too.

Sawyer ran into the jungle blindly, not really knowing where he was going or expecting anything from it. He didn't have a destination in mind, but then he got to the site of the hatch and he sighed deeply.

"You have got to be kidding me," he whispered to himself. He hadn't been sleeping well.

"Sweetheart," Juliet said softly. He spun around.

"Juliet," he said. "This isn't a dream? I'm not dreaming. I'm not sleeping."

"No," she smiled. "I know that you want to see me and touch me again, but it's not possible my sweet James."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because," she chuckled. "Don't you remember? You let go."

"No," he shook his head. "I didn't. You did."

"Oh, so now it's my fault that I died?" she asked.

"No," he answered. "God no."

He stepped forward and she stepped back.

"Juliet," he whispered.

"You looked at her," she said.

"Blondie," he started.

"Don't," she shook her head. "What we had was just for a little while James. Just because we love each other doesn't mean we're meant to be together. Maybe we were never supposed to be together. Maybe we were never supposed to be together. Maybe we were never supposed to be together."

It was almost as if Juliet was a robot and she was stuck on one phrase. She kept saying it over and over again. Sawyer closed his eyes tightly and covered his ears.

"Stop!" he screamed. When he opened his eyes she was gone. He went to his knees where the hatch was and let out a single loud sob. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry Juliet. I'm so sorry. God. Please forgive me. Forgive me."

"Jimmy," a voice behind him said softly. He quickly stood up and spun around. "Jimmy…look at you. You're a grown up."

"Mom?" he asked. She nodded and walked toward him.

"James," she smiled.

"I'm going crazy," he shook his head. "You're dead. You died 20 years ago."

"Because you wouldn't come back to save me," she said.

"N-no," he whispered, feeling the lump in his throat rising up.

"You should have come back. You could have stopped your daddy from killing me," she stated. "You should have come back James."

"No," he said. "No."

"It's your fault I'm dead Jimmy," she stated. "But why am I not surprised? You let me die, and you let Juliet die. Juliet and your baby."

"No," he repeated. "Dad killed you!"

"Because you didn't stop it James!" she yelled at him. Suddenly her chest and stomach was soaked with blood from bullet holes.

"Mom!" he exclaimed.

"You let us die James," both his mom and Juliet's voice rung in his head.

"NO!" he yelled. "No. No. No."

Kate came running through the trees and came toward Sawyer. He was on the ground repeating 'No' over and over again. She quickly shook him awake.

"Hey," Kate whispered. "Hey. Sawyer."

She put her arms around him. He didn't respond at first, leaving his arms at his side. She ran her hands over the back of his head and held on to him tightly. He hugged her back finally and grabbed her shirt in his hand and let out a sob.

"I killed them," he said softly. She cupped his face and shook her head.

"You did not," she stated. "Sayid was shot back at the barracks. You weren't anywhere near him. And I'm not going to tell you again that you did everything you could for Juliet."

"Not Sayid," he murmured. "My mother. I could have saved her Kate! I could have gone back home back in 75! I could have saved her!"

"No," she shook her head. "Sawyer, whatever happened happened. You can't change the past."

"If I had been there I could have done something."

"Or you could have gotten yourself killed," she replied. "Sawyer…it's ok."

"Will you stay with me tonight?" he asked. "I don't want to lose you too. I killed you too."

"You didn't kill me. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere," she shook her head. "You don't have to lose me. Come on."

She helped him stand up and they walked back to the beach together. By the time they got there it was near dark. Jack, Miles, Jin, and Hurley were sitting by a fire together. Kate and Sawyer walked over to where they were and they both sat down. Sawyer looked at Miles.

"Can you tell me anything?" he asked.

"What?" Miles asked.

"Well you're the ghost guy right?" Sawyer answered. "So tell me what she's saying."

"Jim it doesn't work like that," Miles shook his head.

"Sawyer," Sawyer replied. "My name is Sawyer. Jim LaFleur is gone."

"Ok," he nodded. "Fine. Sorry. But dude…I can't just summon ghosts. I can't just hear them whenever I want to."

"Well then go to the hatch and tell me what she's saying," he said. "I need to-I need to know if she hates me."

"She doesn't hate you," Jin answered. "I saw the two of you every single day for 3 years James. I watched you fall in love. I saw it all unfold. She loved you. Believe me."

"I let her go. I let her go. I'm going to bed."

"I'll be there in a little while," Kate whispered.

"Ok," he nodded. "Thanks."

He stood up and left the group. Kate turned a slight shade of red and looked around. Hurley's eyebrows were raised. Jack looked slightly jealous, but he kept his mouth shut and his facial expressions to a minimum.

"We're not sleeping together if that's what you're wondering," Kate said. "He just doesn't want to be alone. He wants me to sleep next to him. So that's what I'm gonna do."

"No one said anything," Miles answered, breaking the silence.

"He needs someone," Kate stated, slightly painfully. "He blames himself."

"It's my fault," Jack murmured. "Did you tell him that?"

"No," she answered. "Of course I didn't. And it really doesn't matter what I say anyway because he is going to blame himself no matter what I say."

That night Kate was laying next to Sawyer. He didn't look content, but he was sleeping. She wasn't sure how he was going to wake up feeling rested when he wasn't sleeping soundly and peacefully. He was tossing slightly.

_He was seeing different pictures in his mind. It all went by quickly like a movie._

_Running from the cages and being caught by Juliet and attacked with the zapperHim and Kate making the runway and Juliet throwing the canteen at him. Then him pouring the water out and throwing the canteen to the ground.  
__Kissing Kate and then being hit in the head with a rifle, then Juliet telling him to drop the gun.  
__Juliet sitting on the beach with the bottle of liquor.  
__Juliet helping him get over Kate. All the moments leading up to the day before Kate arrived.  
__All the hugs and kisses and I love you's leading up to him kissing her in the kitchen. She had made a beautiful spread of food that night, and it sat forgotten on the table as they kissed and made their way back to the bedroom.  
__Feeling her body against his. Spooning him and protecting him. He heard their voices talking to each other.  
__I love you…I love you too.  
__You still have my back?  
__I love you…I love you back.  
__Well maybe you shoulda told me you had a change of heart before I brought him into the jungle to kick his ass…would that have stopped you…no…Well I'm glad you finally got it out of your system.  
__I changed my mind when I saw you look at her…I don't care who I looked at, I'm with you…and you would stay with me forever, if I let you, and that's why I will always love you. What we had was just for a little while, and just because we love each other, doesn't mean we're meant to be together. Maybe we were never supposed to be together.  
__If I never meet you, then I'll never have to lose you.  
__Sawyer: Where do you think you're going? Hold on. You hold on. Juliet: I can't I can't. Kate: I can't. I can't reach them. Sawyer: You hold on! I got you. Kate: Sawyer! Sawyer: Don't you leave me. Juliet: It's ok. Sawyer: Don't you leave me! You hold on! Juliet: I love you. Sawyer: No, you don't let go! Juliet: I love you James. Sawyer: No. Juliet: I love you so much! Sawyer: No! NO! Juliet!_

As Sawyer tossed and turned, he started murmuring in his sleep. She heard him clearly say Juliet several times, and no. She touched his shoulder, but didn't wake him. He started calming down slightly, but he was still shaking.

_Sawyer was alone. Alone in his house in the barracks. The door opened and Juliet walked through the door._

"_See James?" she asked. "I let go of you. You remember that ok?"_

"_W-what?" he whispered._

"_I know you blame yourself," she replied, stepping toward him and taking his hands in hers. "But I let go. I let go because Kate can take care of you. Kate can take care of your heart if you let her. Just let her back in."_

"_I love you," he said, touching her face. "Please just tell me you know how much I love you."_

_She nodded and took his hand. _

"_I want to show you something," she whispered. He nodded and followed her. When they stepped out of the house they were suddenly in the hatch. He gasped slightly and then looked at the scene set before him. It was Kate holding Sawyer and giving him a pill. He only vaguely remembered this time. One reason was that it was 3 years ago, but the other was because he was half dead. But he remembered her voice in his hear. He remembered her whisper. They walked further into the hatch and simultaneously the time when Libby and Ana Lucia died and Kate was crying to herself. Sawyer sat next to her and wrapped his arms around her._

"_There's more," Juliet smiled. She took him around the corner and suddenly they were in the jungle. Kate was kissing Sawyer for the medicine. They walked through the jungle and found Kate and Sawyer at the waterfall. "I'm saving the most important for last James."_

"_I know I looked at her," he clenched his teeth. "But it didn't-"_

"_Shh," Juliet shook her head. "That isn't what I want to show you. Just through those trees…I'm staying here…and you're on your own for this one."_

_"Will I ever see you again?" he asked._

"_You can see me every night until you don't need me anymore James," she answered. He walked through the trees and found the cages. Kate was below him and he was kissing her gently and sweetly. He remembered exactly the way he felt. They moved together perfectly. Sawyer watched from where he was standing. Kate got out from underneath him and smiled sweetly. He always remembered that sweet smile. It was almost a mischievous smile, but it was mainly a content smile. She curled up on his chest and he began to play with her hair._

_Lemme ask you something freckles, when blockhead was beatin' on me, you said, I love you, but that was just to get him to stop, right?. As she kissed him, he kissed back and ran his hand up and down her back….I love you too._

_It was almost as if he could feel her hands against his body. _

"_It's us," Kate said next to him with a smile. He looked at Kate and then grabbed her forcefully around the neck. "Sawyer!"_

_He tightened his grip and Kate clawed at his hands."Sawyer, stop," she choked. He choked her till she was limp and laying on the ground. _

"_Kate!" he exclaimed. "Oh God. What did I do?"_

He opened his eyes and took a deep breath. He put his hands to his face and rubbed the sweat away. Kate had moved next to him in her sleep and was curled up with on arm over his body. He looked at her and sighed deeply. He moved the hair from her face and stared down at her. He didn't move closer, but he didn't move her arm away from his body either. He didn't know what time it was, but it was still dark outside so he knew it was late, or early, whichever way you looked at it. He closed his eyes again and fell back asleep, feeling Kate's arm around him.

_He was in a house he didn't recognize. It was a nice house. He looked over and saw a picture of Kate with a little blonde boy. He picked it up and stared at it. He didn't recognize the boy as anyone. Then next to it was a picture of Kate in a wedding dress. Sawyer was standing next to her in a tux. She looked goofily happy. Sawyer shook his head and walked into the kitchen. Kate was standing in the kitchen making dinner. There was a skillet sitting on the stove, she turned and locked eyes with Sawyer._

_"Hi honey," she said. "You're home. Dinner will be ready soon."_

_He walked toward her and the stove. She leaned toward him, keeping her hand on the handle of the pan, and her other on the spoon inside the skillet. She kissed his lips. He quickly picked the pan up and hit her with it. He set it back down and she was unconscious…no not unconscious, dead. He knelt down next to her and cradled her face in his hands._

_He looked up and Juliet was standing in the kitchen with her arms crossed over her chest._

"_Why?" he asked. "Why do I keep killing her?"_

"_Because," Juliet began. "Sawyer, you have to forgive yourself. You have to stop blaming yourself for me. Sweetie it's not your fault. Com'ere."_

_He stood up and stepped over Kate. She wrapped her arms around him and stroked his hair. She kissed his face and looked at him._

"_James," she whispered. "It's not your fault. It's not your fault baby."_

"_Were you pregnant?" he asked. She closed her eyes and nodded._

_"I love you," she said putting her hand on his cheek. "Now do me a favor and forgive yourself James. It's ok. It's ok."_

_He rested his head against her shoulder and held on to her tightly._

"_Don't leave me," he whispered. _

He opened his eyes and looked at Kate who was now awake and trying to figure out how she ended up curled so closely to Sawyer's body. She took her arm from around him and sat up.

"Sorry," she whispered.

"It's ok," he answered.

"You ok?" she asked. "You were shaking again."

"There's something I gotta go do."

"Right now?" she asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Will you come with me?"

"Yeah," she replied. "Ok. Let's go."

They walked together into the jungle. Kate was wondering where they were going, but then she realized that they were heading to the hatch site. Sawyer sat down on the ground and sighed softly.

"We're here," he said softly. "Both of us. I'm here to say goodbye. So…bye."

Kate put her hand against Sawyer's shoulder.

"Now leave me alone!" he exclaimed. Kate jumped slightly and took her hand from his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I just thought-"

"No not you," he shook his head and spoke desperately. "I'm-Kate I need something to hold on to."

She sat down and looked at him. He avoided looking at her, and then finally turned his head to face her.

"I keep having these stupid dreams," he whispered.

"I know," she nodded. "You keep shaking in your sleep. Moaning names…sometimes it's Juliet, but it's been Kate about half the time too. You seem so scared…so sad."

"Stupid memories of my stupid fake life with Juliet," he shook his head.

"It wasn't fake if you loved her," she answered.

"I loved her," he replied. "But it wasn't enough. But the other half of my dreams. I keep dreaming Kate. I keep dreaming that I'm killing you. I can't stop myself. I strangle, or I bash your face in with a hot skillet. I can't kill you Kate. If I kill you then there's no point to anything anymore."

"You're not going to kill me," she whispered. "You're not a murderer."

"I've killed people Kate," he said. "Don't you remember? I never killed a man…and we both drank. Don't you remember?"

"I remember," she nodded. "But you've never so much as raised your voice at me. I can't see you killing me. You know what I think? I think that you keep dreaming that you're killing me, because you still think it's your fault that Juliet died."

"She told me I had to forgive myself," he murmured. "In my dream. She said I had to forgive myself."

"She's right," Kate answered. "She's right Sawyer. You do have to forgive yourself."

"Ok," he whispered. "Do you forgive me Kate?"

"You didn't do anything wrong," she smiled. "You didn't do a thing wrong James. So yeah…I forgive you."

"Do you forgive me for abandoning you?" he asked. "Cassidy told you that I jumped to stay away from you. Do you believe that?"

"You saved 8 people. Because you jumped…Desmond was reunited with Penny and they had a son. Sayid found his long lost love. Aaron, me, Jack, Hurley…we'd all be at the bottom of the ocean," she answered. "So whether you did it to get away from me or not…it was still pretty heroic to me."

"It wasn't to get away from you," he whispered. "If I had stayed…who knows what would have happened. Doesn't really matter anyway because I didn't. I wasn't good enough for you, Kate."

"You keep saying 'wasn't," she said. "'I wasn't fit to be your boyfriend…'I wasn't good enough for you'. So what does "wasn't" mean? Does it mean-"

"Well right now," he murmured. "I think I just gotta get my head straight. I thought I was over you. Kate I convinced myself that Juliet was who I was supposed to be with, but then you came back and-I saw you again and it was like all those feelings that I had for you came back. And I didn't want to do anything in the world to hurt Juliet."

"Because you're a good guy James," she answered. "Of course you wouldn't want to hurt her."

"She loved me so much Freckles," he whispered. "Every time she looked at me-I knew it. Do you have any idea how that feels. To just know by looking into a person's eyes how much they love you?"

"Actually," Kate smiled and nodded. "Yeah. I do."

"I couldn't do that," he told her. "I couldn't make her know how much I loved her Kate. She thought I loved you more, and I couldn't even deny it. Why didn't I deny it? Why could I look at you and make you know I loved you just by looking at you, but I couldn't look at Juliet that way?"

"I don't know," Kate answered.

He looked at her and then looked back at the hatch crater.

"It's so confusing," he whispered. "That I could love her so much, but still want to be with you. How is that possible?"

"Because I loved Jack," she answered. "But it didn't stop me from missing you and wanting to be with you. Wanting to be near someone who could make me feel loved with just one look."

He hadn't looked back up at Kate yet. He finally looked at her and smiled weakly. She smiled back and then hesitated before taking his hand.

**A/N: Please please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you everyone for all your reviews! You're awesome. I'd also like to thank all of you who have put this story on your alerts and/or favorites list. 13 people have alerted this story so far and 7 have favorited, so thanks so much to all of you. Makes me feel great!**

Kate looked at Sawyer, slightly concerned. She was squeezing his hand. Her hand was still injured from the chain, but she stayed quiet. She let go of his hand and looked down. Her hand had started bleeding through no fault of Sawyers, but in fact because she herself was squeezing his hand slightly too hard. Sawyer took her hand in his and started to examine it.

"You really held on to that chain as long as you possibly could didn't you?" he asked.

"What else was I supposed to do?" she whispered. "Too bad it didn't help anything."

"Jeez Freckles," he said, still looking at her hand. "You should have Jack take a look at this."

"I'm fine," she shook her head. "Don't worry about me."

"Let's go back," he whispered. Kate nodded and stood up. He looked at the hole in the ground. "Bye Juliet."

Kate took his hand again and squeezed it.

"I just hope this works," he mumbled. "I can't keep dreaming about her."

"Lemme ask you something," she started. "How long did it take you to stop dreaming about me?"

"Who said I dreamed about you?" he asked.

"You did," she answered.

"No, I said I couldn't stop thinking about you," he argued.

"Ok fine," she said. "Never mind then."

"It took me a long time," he murmured. "And even now…3 years later, I would have the occasional dream Freckles."

"Ok then," Kate responded. "There's your answer. I really don't think it will matter how may times you say you're sorry, or even if you forgive yourself…you aren't going to just stop thinking about her. I know that."

She let go of his hand and walked ahead of him into the jungle. He followed her. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. He knew that he needed to give himself time before needing Kate the way he needed Juliet, but he couldn't help it. He needed Kate. He felt guilty for needing Kate, but at that same time he had this nagging voice in the back of his mind telling him that Juliet let go of his hand, her letting go of his love. Juliet said it… "Maybe we were never supposed to be together." Her words continued to run through his mind. But everything that happened in the past couple days kept running through his mind. Telling Horace that 3 years was long enough to forget someone. He was telling Horace, but he thought maybe, he was trying to convince himself too. How could he be so stupid? Kate came back and he hadn't forgotten any of it. Juliet meant the world to him. He had never known a love like that. He had never had anyone love him the way Juliet loved him. True, Kate seemed to care about him too, but she never showed it the way that Juliet did. He didn't even know why he loved Kate so much. Why would he love someone like Kate, when he could have someone like Juliet, who loved him and actually told him?

He knew why. He loved Kate because of everything she was and everything she wasn't. Juliet was the safe route. Kate was someone who challenged him day to day. Kate had his heart. Kate was with him through all the good times and bad times. Even though he had more time with Juliet, he shared more experiences with Kate. All he and Juliet had to do was live happily with the Dharma Initiative. The only bad things they ever went through was flashing through time and the flaming arrows.

He had been thinking that it was Juliet to change him into the man he was today, but really it was Kate. Kate is the one who changed him into someone who could love. Someone who could let people in. He never talked about his feelings on things, and suddenly after Kate was gone, he was talking to Juliet like she was his best friend. He knew Kate would hate it, but it was because of Kate that he loved Juliet so much. But he wanted Kate. He needed Kate. And something told him that Kate needed him too. They both had broken childhoods. They both had tough years behind them. He would never admit it out loud, but he really just wanted someone he could love and someone to love him back. That's why he stayed with Juliet. He needed to be needed.

They arrived back at the beach, it seemed like everyone was trying to figure out where they went. Jack walked over to them.

"Where were you?" he asked.

"Just went for a walk Jack," Kate answered.

"I wanted to say goodbye to Juliet," Sawyer replied "And I wanted Kate to come with me."

"I think Jin has an idea," Jack said. They walked toward where Jin was. He was filling bottles of water and looking at Miles and Hurley.

"Ok," Jin began. "I think that Sun was here. Look…this is hers."

He picked up a hair clasp and handed it to Sawyer.

"They were here," he said.

"Jin-" Sawyer started.

"I know what you're going to say," Jin interrupted. "You're going to tell me that she left it here 4 years ago…but here's the thing…she didn't. I remember when we were on the flight from Korea to Australia, Sun was upset because she left her favorite hair pin in Korea. I told her that I would get her a new one, but she didn't want a new one. She-she's been here."

"Ok, then I guess the question is, where is she now?" Sawyer asked.

"I don't know," Jin sighed. "But I think that we should start walking and maybe we'll find her. I know it sounds crazy and it will probably never work, and-I have to find her James."

"I know you do," Sawyer swallowed hard and looked at Kate. "So let's get started."

They started walking. Mostly in silence, other than the soft sound of their feet in the sand. Kate walked behind Sawyer. She knew that he had a lot to think about. She hadn't been able to tell him her own feelings because she was afraid that it would be too much, too soon. He needed to get over Juliet before he could even think about starting anything with her. She knew that. She looked ahead of her and then felt Jack next to her.

"You doing ok?" he asked.

"Yeah I'm fine," she mumbled.

"Why are you so mad at me?" he asked.

"I'm not," she sighed. "I just want to keep walking. I'm waiting for Jin and Sawyer to tell us what to do."

"You've been short with me since-" he started. "I mean…I know that you must be upset about Juliet, but-I mean I don't understand why you won't talk to me."

"I'm not mad at you," she answered. "I'm just-ok I'm mad at you."

"Why?" he asked, slightly shocked at her reaction.

"Because you used my weakness," she responded. She stopped walking and crossed her arms over her chest. "You used me."

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"Look, I know you only did what you had to," she shook her head. "But-you used my weakness of Aaron against me. You told me that you weren't going to ask about him. You told me that you wouldn't bring him up. First sign of me not agreeing with you…you used it to get me to be on your side."

"Is that the only reason you were with me Kate?" he asked. "Because of Aaron?"

"You reminded me that if we stopped the plane crash, Aaron would be where he's supposed to be," she sighed. "But I didn't want to erase the past 3 years. Because to me…it wasn't misery. I know that you think it was. I'm sorry that a life with me made you so depressed."

"Oh come on Kate, that's not what I meant," he scoffed.

"You wanted to make it so that you and I never even met," she whispered. "You said that enough of what we had was misery. I know we weren't together for very long. 6 months isn't very long at all…but I thought it was a really happy 6 months Jack. To me…it didn't matter that I missed Sawyer, because you were helping me through it…until you weren't."

"You never forgot about him though," he murmured. "And I didn't expect you to, but I thought that maybe I could be your first choice. I never was though, was I?"

"I'm sorry," she said and closed her eyes. "I wanted so badly to love you Jack. And I did. Believe me I did. But love isn't always enough. I missed the way that Sawyer would look at me. He looked at me like I was the only girl on the planet."

"I never did, did I?" he mumbled. She shook her head and frowned.

"Jack," she stated. "I don't want to lose-I don't want to lose what we had. 3 years ago? I mean…we started out with this great friendship. I mean we had this flirty banter. I know it was all in good fun, but-I miss that side of you Jack."

"Not really any time left for flirty banter Kate," he said. "Things have sort of gotten serious."

"Even when things are serious," she began. She looked ahead at Sawyer, even though she tried hard to keep her eyes on Jack. "You always have to make room to make each other laugh. Laughter through tears. That's always been my philosophy."

"You really love him don't you?" he asked. "That's the real reason why we never would have worked out Kate. I mean-I told Sawyer that it was too late to beg you to take me back…I was right wasn't I?"

"Y-yes," she nodded. "But you're not too late to be my friend."

"You should tell him how you feel," Jack whispered. "He would want to know. He would want to know."

"Maybe I will," she shrugged. "But I still think I need to give him some time."

They stopped walking when it started getting dark, and there was still no sign of Sun or anyone else. Kate helped Sawyer build a fire. Their interaction and speaking was to a minimum. Sawyer laid down and put his arms under his head. He was staring at the stars. He scoffed softly. Kate was next to him, and she was the only one who heard it.

"I want to forget," he whispered.

"What?" Kate asked.

"I just want to forget all about everything that happened," he sighed. "We would sit outside at night, looking at the sky. Juliet always thought that it was our time to be together and just look at the sky in silence…but really…it was about me looking at the sky and wondering what you were up to. Wondering if it was night time where you were and wondering if you were looking at the stars. I just wish I could forget about her.

"Don't forget about her," she said softly. "Don't even try to forget about her Sawyer. She would want you to move on and lov-and be happy with out her, but she wouldn't want you to forget her memory."

"I never would Freckles," he shook his head. "I just want it to stop hurting. I don't want to spend the next 3 years or more feeling this empty space in my heart. I mean time will heal it, but it will never really go away. I'll think that it's gone…I'll even pretended it is, but it will never go away. What I fear…is that I'll move on. I'll get over her. Be happy. Maybe even find someone. I'll think I'm completely healed. And then she'll reappear in my life and I won't know what to do with myself."

"Sawyer," Kate whispered. "You keep talking around the topic…are you talking about me?"

"Yes!" he exclaimed. "Yes. And it sucks Kate! I want to-y'know I don't know what I want. I spent the past 3 years pretending that everything was fine. I've been pretending that I'm not missing you like crazy. I even convinced myself that I was totally over you. That what I had with Juliet was all I ever needed or wanted…but then you came back."

"Sawyer," she shook her head.

"And I'm just so-" he sighed. "I want you. I want you with me. I mean not _with_ me with me, but just with me and near me, but then I think about Juliet. And it's been 2 days. And how the hell could I move on now. I can't. I can't move on. It's been 2 days!"

"Exactly," Kate said calmly. "Sawyer, it's been 2 days. Give yourself more time than that. I didn't expect anything to happen when I came back Sawyer. When I realized that you were with Juliet and happy, I tried my best to stay away from you because-well because I knew that when I'm near you there's really only one thing I want. But-"

He leaned toward her and kissed her lips. He didn't seem to care that there were people around. He kissed her softly, and still didn't use his tongue. Kate wanted to deepen the kiss, and as she opened her mouth, Sawyer quickly stood up.

"I can't," he shook his head. "God. What's wrong with me? I can't do this."

Sawyer walked off in the opposite direction. In the direction that they had been coming from. She sighed softly and looked after him. She covered her face with her hands, slightly embarrassed by what had just happened. She felt someone coming toward her. She knew that it couldn't be Sawyer already. She sighed and uncovered her face.

"He'll be ok Kate," Jin said. "I know that he loved Juliet-"

"I know," she nodded. "It's way too soon. What was I thinking?!"

"Well we all saw it," Jin started. "He's the one who kissed you first."

"Yeah," she replied. "But I didn't stop him."

"What I was going to say Kate," he began again. "Is that, I know that Sawyer loved Juliet. They spent all their time together. You know that saying "time heals all wounds"…well in Sawyer's case, it was really true. He was completely broken over you. I know I didn't speak the best English then, but I knew that he was hurting over you. Juliet helped him through that. And even though he had Juliet and he loved her…he never once gave up on you. I mean, I think he had really given up hope that he'd see you again…but he had me out there every day looking for you. I was looking for anyone else who could have survived the flaming arrow attack, but I know you don't know about that-"

"Sawyer sort of filled me in…we met up with Bernard and Rose. He mentioned it briefly," Kate answered.

"Well anyway," Jin sighed. "He wasn't just looking for them…he wanted me to find you. I mean, you and everyone else too, but I think his main concern was you. So even if he loved her…he never forgot you and he never stopped loving you either."

"Thanks Jin," Kate smiled. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

She looked over at Sawyer. He hadn't walked very far. He was sitting in the sand with his chin resting on his knees. She debated on whether she should walk over to him, but she decided that she should leave him alone, at least for tonight. He needed to spend some time alone grieving. He needed to let it out. He needed to cry if he wanted to, and she knew that he would try to hold back his tears in front of her. She laid down and thought about what she could say to him in the morning.

**A/N: Reviews are appreciated. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Sawyer wasn't just resting his chin on his knees. He was digging his chin into his knees. It was beginning to hurt, but he didn't care. He watched the waves crashing on the shore. He hadn't even been to the beach in almost 3 years. He and Juliet didn't make time to go to the beach and have any real fun. They were stuck in the Dharma barracks. He thought back to the times that Kate would be in his tent. It only happened twice, but those two times were enough to jog his memory. She would be laying in his arms and they would listen to the waves crashing on the beach. It was always such a comforting sound…especially with Kate laying in his arms. He looked over at her. She was laying down, staring at the sky. He didn't want to cry. He didn't want to let himself feel the pain of losing Juliet. It was easier to just think about the gorgeous brunette laying all alone in the dark, rather than his blonde beauty who was more than 6 feet under in the hatch. He sifted his fingers through the sand, letting the sand fall through his fingers. There were two small piles of sand that he had been sifting through. He dug his hand into the sand and pulled out a small stone. He turned it over in his fingers and then looked down at it. It was smooth on one side, but the other side was rough and jagged. He flipped it over in his hand again so the smooth side was in his palm and the rough side was facing him. He saw movement in the corner of his eye. Kate was moving. He knew that Kate wanted to come toward him, but he hoped she stayed where she was. He sniffled softly and felt his cheeks as the tears appeared. He couldn't believe that he was crying. He didn't want to be crying. But then…he started thinking about when he was 8. He thought about his mom. Even when he was only 8, he knew his mom was pretty. He always hoped that he could find someone with her blonde hair and kind blue eyes. He shook his head.

"Juliet," he whispered. He closed his eyes and she was there. Her kind warm smile that had always gotten to him, even when she was supposed to be a 'bad' guy. He thought about Juliet, and his mom, and then his mom and Juliet. He covered his face with his hands and let out a soft sob. He felt like a baby, but he didn't care. It felt good to be crying. He hadn't even cried this hard at his mom and dad's funeral. Tears steamed down his cheeks and landed in the sand. He let out a louder sob and hoped that the people down the beach wouldn't hear, especially Kate. Since he was crying this way, it felt good. He wanted to keep crying, without the prying eyes of Kate. He wiped his eyes, but more and more tears streamed into his eyes. He laid down on his back and the tears kept falling.

The next morning when Sawyer woke up, his face still had the marks where the tears where he had been crying, although he didn't see them. He started standing up. Kate was sleeping peacefully, down the beach. Her body was turned toward facing him. He was sure she fell asleep watching him crying, but he hoped that maybe she hadn't noticed. He walked toward her and then bent down and touched her shoulder. She woke up and he quickly pulled her to her feet.

"Sawyer-" she started, still groggy from sleep.

"Follow me," he said quickly. He pulled her by the hand into the jungle. They walked a little too quickly for Kate and she had to practically run to keep up with him. He stopped and looked at her. He wasn't saying anything, which made her slightly nervous.

"W-what?" she asked.

"Hit me," he said.

"What?" she asked again.

"Hit me," he repeated.

"Sawyer-" she began.

"Just," he whispered. "Hit me Kate."

"No," she shook her head.

"Juliet would," he mumbled.

"No, she would _not_," Kate scoffed. "Come-come here."

She stepped toward him and put her arms around his neck. He ran his hands through her hair. She put her head against his shoulder.

"Why do you want me to hit you?" she whispered, still keeping her head against his shoulder.

"I tried," he sighed. He pushed Kate away slightly, but not forcefully. He sat down on the jungle floor and looked up at her. "I tried so hard Kate. I tried to do the right things. I did it wrong Kate. I did it all wrong. I should have told her-dammit! I should have-I'm a bad person Kate. I'm-"

"No you're not," she answered. She sat down next to him and ran her thumbs gently over his cheeks. She wiped the tear tracks as best as she could, because she didn't want everyone else seeing them. "You're not a bad person Sawyer."

"I guess I tried too hard," he murmured. "I just-Kate, I thought that we were going to be together forever. I thought we were gonna get off the island and I wouldn't have to worry about missing you anymore because I'd have Juliet and she would take care of me. When she decided we were going back to the island…I was kinda pissed because that would mean I would have to endure seeing more of you."

"Thanks," she whispered.

"No," he shook his head. "I mean…for 3 years, I told myself you were gone and you weren't ever coming back."

"Told myself the same thing," she whispered. "You were gone. It didn't matter that I was with Jack because you were gone and I would never see you again."

"We're idiots," he chuckled. "We stayed with people just because we couldn't be together?"

"No," she answered. "You loved Juliet. Just like I loved Jack. But love isn't enough."

"I really wish you people would stop saying that," he replied. "Let's just go back."

Kate stood up and Sawyer followed her. When they got back to the beach they were all getting ready to get going once again. No one said anything. Kate stayed quiet. She was pretty sure that what had just happened in the jungle was both of them declaring their love in their own way, but she didn't want to assume anything. Sawyer started walking ahead of everyone else. Jack was ahead of Kate too, but he slowed down, to make sure she caught up to him.

"Did you do it?" he asked.

"Jack!" she scolded softly.

"No," he chuckled. "I mean, did you tell him you love him?"

"Not those actual words," she whispered.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Jack, we just lost Juliet," she continued. "I have no idea what to even say to him. But I know that I can't expect anything right now. I mean-he needs some time to get over Juliet. I know that…and you _should _know that."

"Yeah," he nodded. "I know. I know."

They had only been walking for a little over an hour when they heard voices. Kate stopped walking and stepped back. Sawyer kept on walking, so everyone else did too. When they came over the hill, they saw the giant statue of the foot. Sawyer heard the sound of guns coming out.

"Stop!" Sun exclaimed. Jin stopped dead in his tracks when he heard her voice.

"Sun," he said softly. He ran past Sawyer and Sun did the same. They ran toward each other and hugged each other tightly. Sun was sobbing and Jin was speaking Korean. Kate looked at Jack and smiled. He smiled back and then looked over at Sawyer. Sawyer was smiling too, but he didn't look happy. Richard walked over to the group and looked at Sawyer.

"What's going on?" Richard asked.

"Well we came back to…what year is it now?"

"2008," Richard answered. Kate looked at Sawyer and waited for an answer.

"Well we have no one or no where to go," Sawyer said "We were kinda thinking that we could stay with you guys. Well actually, they were thinking that. I don't really care what we do."

"Well your friend Locke is the new leader," Richard replied. "We have to wait to hear from him."

Kate looked over and saw Locke's dead body in the coffin. She looked at Jack and then back at Richard.

"What are you trying to pull?" Sawyer asked. "Locke is dead…he's right here. What are you trying to do?"

"It's alright James!" Locke's voice exclaimed from over at the entrance to the statue. Ben was close behind. "I know you're all confused."

"Who are you?" Sawyer asked.

"I'm still John Locke," he stated. "I don't know who he is…but I am John Locke."

"How are there 2 of them?" Jack asked.

"I don't know," Sawyer whispered. "But I knew it was a bad idea to come here."

"You can stay," Richard stated. "As long as you can take orders. What did Jacob say?"

"Jacob is dead," Locke answered. "He's dead."

"That's where you would be wrong John," Jacob said behind him. Ben looked just as startled as Locke did. He backed away slowly and made his way down into the crowd of the rest of the people. "You can't kill me John, but I see that our guests have arrived."

Kate looked over at Sawyer and then Jack, slightly concerned.

"Welcome," he said. Kate looked at him and furrowed her eyebrows. She recognized him. She wasn't sure where she knew him from. She looked at Sawyer and he had the same look on his face, only he seemed to know exactly where he knew him from. Kate walked two steps toward him and looked at him.

"Who is he?" she whispered."He came to see me at my parents funeral," he mumbled. Kate looked back at the man. She still wasn't sure where she recognized him from, but suddenly everyone else began to recognize him too.

**A/N: Thanks for the continued support on my story guys! Love ya. I know that this chapter wasn't very good. I'm not good with the whole Jacob/Locke mythology. I like doing romantic/triangle stuff a lot better. If there's any ideas or theories feel free to review and tell me or PM me. :) I would love more reviews, please please please!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews. I'm glad people liked my dipiction of Jacob. I still don't think I'm that great at the mythology, but thanks guys!**

Kate looked at Sawyer and then back at the man named Jacob. She walked toward Jacob and Locke.

"What's going on?" Kate asked.

"It's ok Katie," Jacob said. "I'm one of the good guys."

"Katie?" she asked. "My name-"

"Katherine Anne Austen, daughter of Sam and Diane Austen," he interrupted. "You stole a lunchbox when you were about 7. I paid for it."

Kate suddenly remembered and swallowed hard. She looked back at Jack and Sawyer. She walked back over to where Sawyer was standing. He looked at Jacob, and couldn't take his eyes off of him.

"What's going on?" she asked again. "Who are you? What are we all doing here? I don't understand. Why did we go back to 1977, but…Sun didn't? What is going on? Tell me!"

"Calm down Katie-" he started.

"Kate," she corrected him.

"Do you want to leave the island?" Jacob asked.

"Yes," Kate said out loud. "We want to go home. I mean…we want to go home right?"

"Yeah," Sawyer nodded. "We want to go home."

Sawyer looked at Kate and then back at Jacob.

"What do we do?" Sawyer asked. "What can we do to get off the island?"

"Wait," he whispered. "You just have to wait for the right time."

"So what do we do while we wait?" Jack scoffed.

"You handle all your crap," Jacob answered. "You want to know why you went back to 1977. You went back there so that you could cause the incident."

"I knew it!" Miles exclaimed. "I told you. Didn't I tell you people?!"

"Shut up," Sawyer murmured. "Can I ask you a question? If we were supposed to cause the incident, where the hell is Juliet?"

"She's dead," he answered. "I'm sorry James. I know you've had a lot of tragedy in your life. Kate is supposed comfort you. She's been the only one for you to open up to."

"Juliet-" Sawyer started.

"No," Jacob shook his head. "Juliet doesn't count. She knew all that stuff about you. You didn't have to tell her anything. She just knew. I know you think what you had with Juliet was real, but how can it be real when she knew everything about you and you knew nothing about her."

"She had a sister named Rachel," Sawyer said.

"How old was she when her parents divorced?" Jacob asked.

"I don't-" he began.

"10," Jacob interrupted. "Why did she come to the island?"

"Because she's a fertility expert," he scoffed.

"Why didn't she leave?" Jacob asked. "James, Juliet loved you. But she only loved who she read in those files. She loved you because she knew you needed it. She knew that you had a hard childhood and she somehow thrived on that. Why do you think she was so quick to want Jack?"

"I loved her," Sawyer said.

"I know you did," he nodded. "But it wasn't a real love James. You and Kate loved each other. That was real and it still is. It's very much real for the both of you. Kate thought that Jack was who she wanted. She thought that she loved him because he was a hero and he was good. But he wasn't good enough for her."

Kate could feel Jack getting tense next to her. She felt bad that Jacob was talking this way. She didn't think that it was that Jack wasn't good enough. It was her that wasn't good enough. She needed someone more on her level, and whether Jack wanted to admit it or not, that person was Sawyer.

"You may have loved Juliet," Jacob continued. "But Kate is your true love."

Kate looked at Sawyer. He was looking at his feet. He almost looked mad. He shook his head and took a deep breath.

"I love her," Sawyer whispered. "But I can't-I can't forget about Juliet."

"No one's asking you to," Kate told him. She took his hand gently and looked at him. He pulled his hand out of hers and walked toward Jacob. He grabbed him by the shirt and clenched his teeth.

"I loved her dammit," he said. "If she's really gone…"

"She is gone," Jacob answered. "She loved you James."

"I loved her," he swallowed. "You don't try to tell me I don't."

"I know you did," Jacob replied. "But that didn't stop you from wanting Kate the moment you saw her again."

He walked away from Jacob and started into the jungle. Kate watched him leave and looked back at Juliet.

"You do realize that Juliet just died," Kate started. "You can't tell me that he didn't love her."

"I've said now twice, that I know he loved her, but lemme ask you a question Kate," Jacob began. "If he loved her so much, how come he's so upset at the simple mention that he might just love you more? He knows how he feels. He doesn't want to admit that the last 3 years of his life were meaningless without you. He wants to believe with ever fiber that Juliet is who he loves, and that he wasn't just wasting time while he waited for you to come back to him. But that's the truth Kate. All he's wanted for the past 3 years is for you to come back to him. For you to be available to him again. He thinks it's his fault that you were never really together on the island 3 years ago. He thinks it's his fault for not telling you every day that he was in love with you and he didn't want to lose you. And he feels guiltiest about not telling you he loved you before he jumped out of the helicopter. Go to him Kate."

Kate sighed deeply and then looked at Jack. Jack nodded and smiled weakly. She walked off in the direction that Sawyer went. She knew that he was still walking. She wondered if he was trying to get himself lost. It almost reminded her of the time that she followed him in the jungle when he wanted to go hunting for the boar. She chuckled softly at herself and shook her head.

"I never wore pink," she said out loud, but still softly.

"It was the 80's," Sawyer murmured from behind a tree. She walked over to the tree the noise came from and sat down next to him.

"Tryin' to get yourself lost?" she asked.

"Only you could find me," he whispered. "You have no idea how badly I want to kiss you Kate…but-"

"You're not ready," she shook her head. "Sawyer even if you thought you were…you're not ready-"

"Will you wait for me?" he asked. "Will you wait for me to be ready?"

"Forever," she whispered. "We waited 3 years James. I think I can wait."

"Don't say forever Kate," he said. "Because one of these days you're gonna realize that you can't wait forever. You deserve to have a life and happiness."

"Maybe the only life I want is with you," she replied softly. "That Jacob guy said some things…I just want to know one thing…do you still love me? After 3 years? Do you still love me?"

"Freckles," he whispered.

"I'm sorry," she shook her head. "I'll shut up. I'm-don't say anything. Please. Just don't say anything."

"Juliet was-" he smirked. "I don't know. She-she was there for me when no one else was. I think everyone wants validation and Juliet gave it to me. I'm sorry Kate, but you just never did. You always had to be with Jack on his plans…because Live Together, Die Alone was a better motto than Every Man For Himself. And you wanted more than anything to get off this island, whereas I…I wanted off, but not nearly as badly as you and Jack. Juliet…she loved me for everything I was and everything I am now. I don't care what that Jacob guy says…he's wrong. I loved her and she loved me. It was real. It was real dammit!"

"I think it was," Kate nodded. "I saw the way you looked at her James. You loved her. You loved her, like I loved Jack. It was real. I don't want to compare what you had with Juliet to what I had with Jack, because I guess I don't want to put words into your mouth. Jack and I fell apart because of you. Because I couldn't betray you. My promise to you meant more to me than my engagement to Jack. That's when I realized that me and Jack weren't meant to be."

"Me and Juliet ended because of you," he whispered.

"What?"

"When she saw me look at you," he whispered. "She broke up with me. I mean…I guess it wasn't really a for real break up, but her deciding that we should go with Jack's plan and erase the last 3 years from our lives? I mean if that isn't breaking up with someone I don't know what is. She broke up with me because she knew I loved you. Tonight…when I go to sleep…can we sleep next to each other again?"

"Of course," she whispered.

That night they were back on the beach with the rest of the group. People had made small shelters out of their supplies. Jacob ordered that they were going to stay there for the next 4 days and then they would make their way to safety and to off the island.

Kate was laying next to Sawyer, but she was afraid to touch him. He didn't look content as he slept, but he wasn't tossing and turning.

_Sawyer walked into the house in the Dharma village. He heard a baby crying. He walked down the hallway and into a room. There was a crib with a baby wailing inside of it. He picked the baby up gently and sighed softly._

"_I gotcha," he said. He knew automatically that this baby was his. But he didn't know who the mother was. His first instinct told him it was Juliet's. But then he thought about Kate. The baby could be Kate's. He went into the bedroom and Juliet was laying in the bed. She woke up when Sawyer walked into the room. She smiled and silently stood up and took the baby from Sawyer. She walked back to the bed with the baby and Sawyer watched, not knowing what to say or do._

"_Go James," Juliet finally said._

"_What?" he asked._

"_Go take care of your daughter," she stated._

"_Clementine?" he asked._

"_No," Juliet smiled and shook her head. She looked behind Sawyer. Sawyer turned around to see what Juliet was looking at. Kate was standing behind him with a large swollen belly. _

"_Kate?" he whispered. Kate closed her eyes and there were tears streaming down her face._

"_I'm pregnant," she sobbed. "It's Jack's."_

Sawyer woke up and looked at Kate. She was awake and watching him.

"Just a dream," she smiled. "I'm here…you didn't kill me."

"You were pregnant," he said. "You were pregnant with Jack's baby."

"In your dream?" she asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. "You were crying. You knew that we wouldn't survive that. You knew that-you were pregnant with his baby. Did you-I mean of course you did if you were engaged, but are you pregnant right now as we speak."

"No," she shook her head.

"How can you be so sure?" he asked.

"Believe me Sawyer," she answered. "I'm sure. I know I'm not."

"How do you know?" he questioned.

"Did you talk to Jack or something?" she asked.

"No," he shook his head. "It was just a dream. But why do you ask?"

"I know you don't want to hear this," she whispered. "I-I slept with Jack the night before we came. But it was-it was just a stupid thing I did. I didn't-it didn't mean anything. It was goodbye. I had let go of Aaron and I had to let go of one more thing. It was-"

"So you slept with him the night before you came?" he asked. "How do you know that you're not pregnant then?"

"Because it's call birth control Sawyer," she answered, trying to be light about it, but not succeeding in making him smile

"The night before you came Kate," he began. "I slept with Juliet. So I can't really be mad at you for sleeping with Jack. I mean-it's not like you're mine."

"But that's the thing Sawyer," she said. "I am yours. You don't even-I don't want to leave your side. And I let go of Jack because-well because I knew that he could never give me what I needed."

"Goodnight," he whispered. He closed his eyes and fell back to sleep quickly. He hadn't been sleeping long before he started tossing and turning. Kate wished that he could have peace for one night. She wished that the nightmares would stop so that they both could get sleep, but she knew that he needed her next to him, and she knew that the nightmares weren't going to stop. He quickly shot up.

"Kate?" he asked. He laid back down, and much to her surprise he put his arms around her and pulled her closely to him.

"Hey," she whispered softly. "It's ok."

"You were-you were down the pit Kate," he said into her ear, holding on tighter. "Juliet was trying to help me pull you up, but you-you fell. I lost you. I lost you again."

"I'm here," she said, not letting go of him. She hugged him tightly and held on to him. He pressed his face into her shoulder and let out a deep breath.

"I have a really-a really dumb request," he mumbled.

"I'll hold you," she replied, without him having to ask.

"She used to hold me when I had bad dreams," he whispered.

"Juliet?" she asked.

"My mom," he sighed. "She could hear me in my bedroom, when she was in her own bedroom, with both the doors closed. I never went to her room. I would lay in my bed and cry until she came in and laid down next to me. She would hold me till I fell back asleep."

Kate ran her hands over his head and through his hair.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered softly.

"Why can't I get her out of my mind?" he asked. "It was 20 years ago!"

"Just because it was a long time ago, doesn't mean that it won't still hurt sometimes," she told him.

"No," he shook his head. "I haven't thought about my parents-since that stupid day that I came face to face with the real Sawyer. Juliet slipping from my fingers was like loosing my parents all over again. I watched my parents die, and I had to watch Juliet die too. I held on to my mom until she died Kate."

"James," she whispered sympathetically.

"I heard the gun go off," he began. "My dad took me hunting all the time, I knew exactly what the sound was. I heard a thud outside of my door. The yelling stopped. My door opened and I just stayed under the bed. My dad's boots came toward me. He sat down on my bed right above me and he blew his head off. I knew he was dead too, but I needed to go see if my mom was ok. I mean…she had to be ok. I ran into the hallway and just…I held my mom till the police came. She was dead, but I didn't want to let her go."

Kate was crying as Sawyer spoke. He saw her tears and wiped his thumbs over her eyes. She touched his face too and shook her head.

"What can I do?" she sniffled.

"I don't know," he shook his head. "I don't know Kate. My whole life, I had no one to take care of me Kate. Juliet took care of me. But I could never take care of anyone. Not Juliet…not you."

"You took care of me," she replied. "You kept me safe. You protected me. I always felt so safe with you James."

"I never felt safe," he answered. "Juliet let me fall apart…I don't know why I'm telling you this."

"James, you can fall apart," Kate told him.

"No I can't," he shook his head. "No. I'm supposed to stay strong for you. I always told you I'd keep you safe."

"Well now it's my turn to keep you safe James," she said. "So let me keep you safe."

"No," he responded. "No."

He quickly got up and went into the jungle. Kate stayed where she was and sighed deeply to herself. Every time she thought that he would open up, he would close her out again. She wanted to take care of him. She wanted to take care of him the way that Juliet did.

**A/N: Please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

Sawyer walked into the jungle by himself. He knew that he was being stupid. He knew that Kate just wanted to help him. He wanted her help, but he didn't at the same time. He was trying to avoid her.

Kate had made her way over the rocks and was sitting on the edge, watching the waves crash. The water was spraying up and lightly spraying her face. She wanted to give Sawyer the space he wanted. She didn't want to upset him or push him, but she wished that he would stop pushing her away.

"Kate?" Jack asked behind her. She looked back, but didn't move. He sat down next to her and sighed softly. "You ok?"

"Fine," she murmured. "I don't know what to do about Sawyer. I've never seen him like this."

"You don't-you don't really know him that well Kate," Jack whispered.

"Yes I do," she answered. "Maybe we didn't spend a full 3 years together, but I know him Jack. I know that he's hurting, and I can't do a damn thing about it."

"I kinda think that he just needs someone to listen to him," he replied.

"He won't talk to me though," she said.

"Ok," he nodded. "Then maybe he just needs a beautiful woman to sit with."

Kate smiled at him weakly and looked back into the jungle.

**4 Days Later**

The 4 days had been hell. Hell for Kate and hell for Sawyer. Sawyer only avoided Kate because all he wanted to do was have her take away his pain. He wanted her to make him feel loved, even if it was only the space of time between clothed, and naked in each others arms. Even if it only lasted a little while. Kate was everything he wanted. He hated himself for having impure thoughts about Kate, while his other lover was in the ground and dead. He thought that if they were back in 2008, why is it that she has to be dead. He hoped that Jacob was just lying and that somehow Juliet was still alive. But then there was a small part of him that thought it would be easier if she wasn't. It would be easier to love Kate guilt free if Juliet was dead, and then he chided himself for thinking such things. Kate just wanted to help him. He knew that. She slept next to him every night the past week. She slept next to him, but dared not touch him.

Jacob was standing near the mouth of the cave, leading into the giant four toed statue. Kate was walking beside Sawyer. She kept looking at him for answers, but he was looking straight ahead, at this mysterious man who claimed to be able to get them off the island.

"What are we doing?" Kate whispered, mostly to herself, but hoping for an answer nonetheless

"It's ok Freckles," Sawyer replied and looked at her. "He's not going to hurt you."

Jacob walked toward one of the walls and pushed it out of the way. The scraping of the stone made Kate shiver. She waited and looked at both Jack and Sawyer. Kate saw someone moving in the dark. She saw blonde hair first. She breathed in deeply. She immediately thought that it was Juliet. But instead of Juliet, it was Claire. Kate gasped and took a step forward.

"He's ok Kate," Claire smiled. "Don't worry. He's fine. Aaron's fine. You did the right thing."

"Well now you can go home," Kate said. "You can go home. You can raise Aaron, just like it was planned."

"I'm not going anywhere," she shook her head. "I'm supposed to be here…and you and Sawyer…you're supposed to raise Aaron."

"What?" Sawyer asked. "What are you talking about Blondie?"

"You and Kate," she started again. "You and Kate are supposed to raise Aaron. Aaron deserves a mommy and a daddy. You're supposed to raise him."

"Ok," Jacob began. "Mommy and daddy first."

Kate stepped forward, but Sawyer didn't. Kate blushed slightly, but she was going through that door with or without Sawyer. She needed her son. She knew that she needed him. Even though at first she needed him to fill the void Sawyer had left, it turned into a mother's love, that she needed now, more than ever. She didn't care that he wasn't her son, because he was. Even if she had a child of her own one day. Aaron was her first born. Aaron was her son. She was his mother for 3 years. Not even Jack could take that away from her. Sawyer looked at Kate. He knew that she wanted him to follow her, but if there was still a chance of Juliet being somewhere on this island, he couldn't just leave her behind, no matter how badly he wanted and loved Kate.

"I'll go," Jack said softly.

"Nope," Jacob shook his head. "That isn't how it works. Come on James. You're going with Kate. She wants to go back, this is how we're doing it."

"Juliet," Sawyer said. "Tell me that you can do something-"

"She's gone James," Jacob replied. "The chances of you seeing her…she's not dead. But she's happy. She's living with her sister and nephew. She's happy. She won't know you if you walked past her on the street."

"Why not?" Sawyer asked.

"Because when she blew up the bomb, she reset her own life. She didn't ever come to the island," Jacob answered. "The day she was supposed to come to the island, she changed her mind. She chose to stay at home so that she could be there with her sister through her pregnancy."

"If she's alive and living with her sister, why did you tell us that she's dead?" Kate asked, taking a step toward Sawyer, who looked as if he might have swallowed a catcus.

"Because James needs to realize that he was never supposed to be with her," Jacob answered. "And if he knew that she was still alive, he'd never let her go."

"How long has it been?" Kate whispered. "How long have I been away from Aaron?"

"10 days," Jacob smiled. "And he misses you. So go ahead. Go."

"I'm going," Kate said, turning toward Sawyer. "Please…if this is the only way we can get back. Please come with me."

"What will happen if I don't go?" Sawyer asked Jacob softly.

"Kate will be stuck between time," he answered. "And she'll never see Aaron again."

Sawyer murmured something under his breath and then stepped forward next to Kate.

"And James," Jacob began again. "Neither of you will be happy without each other. You both need each other. Let her help you. Help him Kate."

Kate looked at Sawyer, and then looked away. Sawyer hesitated and then took her hand in his. They walked together into the dark. She looked at him and smiled weakly. The door slammed behind them and it was pitch black. Kate spun around quickly. It was too dark to see anything at all. Kate started panicking slightly. Sawyer could hear her breathing.

"Hey!" she exclaimed. She turned around and put her hands against the door.

"Open the door!" Sawyer yelled. "Open the door!"

"Please!" Kate said. "Let us out!"

She was hitting the wall with the palms of her hands. It was making a soft sound and there was no way in hell that anyone could hear them.

"Hey," he whispered. "It's ok."

"I've always been afraid of the dark," she chuckled to herself.

"Me too," he murmured. She let out another breath, and reached out to take his hand again. He was farther away than she expected and she fell sideways. She tried to catch herself, but her feet slipped, under her and she fell against him. He caught her, but it was too late, and they both tumbled to the ground. She let out another soft chuckle, and before she could speak, he leaned up and kissed her lips. He rested his hand on the back of her neck. She backed away, and got off of him and sat up, but kept her hand in his.

"Thank you Kate," he whispered.

"For what?" she asked. "I didn't do anything."

"For wanting to take care of me," he answered. He leaned forward and kissed her again. She sighed softly into his mouth and kissed him back, but then stopped.

"Sawyer," she whispered.

"What?" he asked. "What? It's pitch black dark in here and all I want to do is kiss you. I haven't kissed you in 3 years, and I want to kiss you Kate."

He leaned forward to kiss her, but missed because of the dark, and because Kate moved out of the way. She kept her hand in his, but moved slightly away from him, so he wouldn't kiss her again.

"Sawyer," she whispered.

"Jacob said that you were supposed to help me," he said. "This will help me. This is the only thing that can help me."

"James," she started. She felt for his face in the dark and put her hands on each of his cheeks. "I know. I know this sucks for you-"

"You asked me 'what can I do?' So this is it Kate. What can you do? You can kiss me," he answered. "Please Kate. Please tell me that I'm not completely insane for wanting to be with you. For being in love with you. Because I'm in love with you Kate. I'm in love with you and all I want to do is kiss you."

She still had her hands on his cheeks. She hesitated slightly and then leaned forward and kissed his lips. Then she backed away and pulled him into a hug.

"James," she whispered. "You don't want this right now."

"Yes I do!" he exclaimed. "Yes...I do. I love you Freckles. I love you more than-I just want to kiss you, and I'm going to, so if you don't want me to...try and stop me."

He touched her face again and kissed her lips. She kissed him back, and couldn't stop herself anymore. She kissed him deeply, but still gently. He moaned softly. It was a sound that she missed hearing. He always let out a soft moan when they kissed. She stopped kissing him and took a deep breath.

"James," she sighed.

"What?" he asked, running his hand over her arm and trying to feel her in the dark.

"James, we can't-" she began.

"I know," he interrupted. "But I can't-I can't stop. Kate-"

"How is this going to work?" she asked. "We're going to kiss each other? We're going to be together…but Sawyer, it's been a week…so the entire time, you're going to be thinking about her."

He let out a chuckle, but didn't say anything. He didn't move toward her. He reached for her hand again and held her hand in the dark. He still didn't speak. He started running his thumb gently over the back of Kate's hand, that he was holding.

"Juliet said the same thing," he whispered.

"What?" she asked. He sighed and started laying down. He laid down, but kept his hand tightly wrapped in Kate's. She looked down to where she thought he was laying, but still couldn't see him. Her eyes had adjusted slightly to the dark, so she saw the shadow of his outline, but if she wanted to find his lips again, she would have to feel for them.

"Juliet said the same thing," he repeated. She let go of his hand, and moved slightly away from him. She tucked her knees up to her chest and put her arms around her legs.

"What are you talking about?" she questioned.

"The first time we kissed," he began. "She kissed me first, but I kissed back. Then she quickly backed away and-she said that she was afraid that if we ever got together, I'd just be thinking about you the whole time. Lemme tell you something Freckles…I sorta had that same fear, but-when I kissed Juliet, it was completely different from when I kissed you, so…I didn't think about you when I was with Juliet. Sometimes when I would be laying in bed at night, with Juliet laying right next to me, my mind would wander to you. Kate, kissing Juliet is nothing like kissing you."

"I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or a criticism," she said.

"Neither," he answered, and then reached for her. He put his hand into nothingness, but then Kate heard him move toward her. She could tell that he was on his hands and knees. He reached up and touched her face, sticking one of his fingers in her eye.

"Ow," she said and moved away.

"Sorry," he whispered, and tried again. "Kate, it's not that your better or worse than Juliet…just different. I love you both. But I never stopped loving you Freckles. I never once thought about you when I was actually _with _Juliet. And I wouldn't do that to you either Kate. I wouldn't kiss you and be with you, and think about Juliet."

"What would you say if I told you that I'd be thinking about her?" Kate asked softly.

"Well, I'd say that, that's kinda hot Freckles," he said, and leaned toward her lips. He missed her lips and kissed her chin.

"I'm serious Sawyer," she answered. "I don't think you should just stop thinking about her right now. You need to give yourself time. And you need to just let me hold you and take care of you without sex."

"Come here," he whispered. He pulled her down to lay down next to him. She followed him. She knew exactly what his intentions were, but she told herself that she couldn't give in. But he smelled so good. She didn't know how he could smell so good. He hadn't had a proper, real shower in over a week. She wondered if she smelled. She stopped thinking about it and waited for him to continue to talk, but he didn't.

"James," she began. He leaned toward her and breathed against her neck, but his lips didn't touch her skin. Him leaning in this close to her, made her want to forget about everything.

"Freckles," he replied. "Just because I was with her for 3 years…Kate, I realized, that I've loved you for 3 years. I never once stopped loving you."

"And what if that happens to us," she started. "What if in 3 years, we somehow run into Juliet and you realize that you're still completely head over heels in love with her and you don't want me anymore?"

"That ain't gonna happen to us," he whispered. "I realized that I can love two women…I can love you and I can love Juliet, but I can only be in love with one of you. It lasted 3 years Kate. I didn't even have to see you to know that I was in love with you. And now that you're back…and you're right in front of me. Juliet meant a lot to me Kate, but I wasn't in love with her the way I'm in love with you…"

This time she stopped him and pressed her lips to his. She didn't stop and neither did he. She sat up and pulled her shirt off, and then laid back down next to him. He rolled over on top of her and kissed her lips and then her face. He moved down her body, feeling with his hands and lips where she was below him. She breathed in sharply and looked at him as best she could in the dark.

"James," she said out loud, but softly.

"Don't stop me," he responded.

"No," she whispered. "James, don't stop. Don't stop."

He put his hands against her skin. His hands were warm and gentle. They didn't have as many calluses as 3 years ago. He was just as much of an expert as he always was though. He remembered the places on her body that she liked to be touched the most. The small spot on the back of her neck, that would send shivers down her spine each time he ran his fingers down it. Or the spot on her lower back, that he would run soft circles across and make her breathe heavier. It felt familiar to be back in his arms. Almost as if they hadn't been apart for 3 years. She gasped softly when Sawyer put his hands on her hips.

"I'm not stopping, unless you tell me to Freckles," he said into her ear.

"No," she whispered. He sighed deeply, but rolled off of her.

"Fine," he murmured. "Have it your way tonight. Find your clothes if you can."

"No," she started again. "That's not what I meant."

"Why did you gasp then?" he asked, pulling her back toward him.

"Because," she began. "I've been-it's been 3 years James. I guess I'm a little nervous."

"What's to be nervous about Freckles?" he asked. "We've both been with other people. We've both-we've both loved other people. But I already know you Kate. And I know that I want this right now, more than anything."

She kissed him again and reached between them to unbutton his pants. He quickly pulled his own pants off and hovered over her. They were both already out of breath. He ran his hand over her neck and shoulder, and then down her arm. They both breathed deeply and let soft moans escape their lips. They moved together perfectly in sync.

Kate was laying in his arms. They were both hot and sweaty, but neither of them wanted to let go of each other. He wrapped his arms tighter around her and kissed the side of her forehead.

"Goodnight Freckles," he whispered.

When she opened her eyes, it was no longer dark. The light was streaming in the widow. She looked around her, extremely confused. She was laying in her bed. Her bed at home. Her bed at home, in Los Angeles. She sat up and covered her mouth.

"A dream?" she asked herself. "It was a dream?"

**A/N: Please please take a sec to gimme a review!**


	8. Chapter 8

Kate quickly got out of bed and ran down to Aaron's room. He wasn't there. She ran back into the bedroom. There was someone in the bed, that she hadn't noticed before. She walked toward the bed and moved the covers away from his face. It was Sawyer. She gasped and looked around. The room was exactly how she left it. She looked at Sawyer and pressed her lips together.

"What-what just happened?" she asked.

"Well," he murmured. "I think that somehow we came back to your house? I mean is this your house?"

"Y-yes," she nodded. "But what-so everything-it wasn't a dream. It wasn't a dream?"

"I don't think so," he shook his head. "Unless somehow we dreamt the same thing."

"Sawyer," she whispered. She crawled over the bed and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back and put his chin against her shoulder gently. "I have to find Aaron. He's not here."

"Come on then," he answered.

Kate smiled weakly and shook her head. She sat down on the bed, and reached out to take his hand.

"Sawyer," she began. "You really don't have to do this."

"Well according to that Jacob, I kinda do," he answered. "He said that neither of us would ever be happy without each other."

"Do you really believe that?" she asked. "James, if you want to go…you're free to go-"

"I missed you for 3 years Kate," he interrupted. "I'm not letting you go again. Let's go find your son. Let's go."

Kate smiled weakly and they walked down the stairs together. They went out the front door and Kate's car was in the driveway. Right where she left it. She had driven to Jack's house after giving Aaron away, but in the morning she drove back to her house to get one last look at Aaron's room and then took a cab to the airport. She got into the car and drove to the motel that Carole had been staying at. She didn't expect her to still be there, but she figured that it would be a good place to start anyway. She went up the stairs and walked to the door. She tried to look into the window, but the shades were closed. She cleared her throat and then knocked on the door. The door opened and Aaron was standing in front of her.

"Aaron, wait for me!" Carole's voice yelled through the motel.

"Momma!" Aaron exclaimed. Kate gasped loudly and picked him up immediately. She put her hand on the back of his head and let out a soft sob. She held him closely and then looked in at Carole. Carole looked at Kate and shook her head.

"You didn't find her did you?" Carole asked. "You got my hopes all up, telling me that you were going to bring her home to me…"

"She's gone," Kate whispered. "She was alive when I left. I'm sorry."

"Well," she sighed. "At least I still have Aaron. And at least now I know the truth."

"Ms. Littleton," Kate closed her eyes and let out a breath. "Do you mind if we come in?"

"Who is this?" Carole asked.

"This is my boy-my friend," Kate corrected herself. "This is my friend Sawyer."

"Hi," he said meekly and held out his hand. She let them in the motel and Kate sat down still holding Aaron in her arms.

"Claire isn't dead," Kate said quietly.

"What?" Carole asked. "Kate, get out. Get out of my room right now. I can't do this one more time-"

"She chose to stay," Sawyer interjected. "Ms. Littleton-"

"Carole," she interrupted. "My name is Carole."

"Fine then," Sawyer nodded. "Carole. Claire is still on the island. She's alive…but she said-she told us. She told me and Kate that she wanted us to raise Aaron. She doesn't want to hurt Aaron. And she doesn't want to hurt Kate. Kate's just trying to do the right thing."

"Don't you think the right thing would be for him to be with his real mother?" Carole asked.

"Absolutely," Kate answered. "And I am his real mother. I know that you don't want to hear this, and I'm going to sound like a horrible person, but I've been his mother for 3 years Carole. 3 years, he has been my son. I potty trained him. I kissed him goodnight every single night for 3 years. I am his mother Carole."

"I know you are," Carole whispered. "But what about my daughter. Why would she choose to stay?"

"I don't really know," she replied. "But that's the reality. She's not coming back. But you can come to see Aaron whenever you want. I know this is a lot. Believe me…I don't think I've ever been as confused as I have been in the past 10 days. It's been a roller coaster. But I just wanted my son back."

"I have a question for you," Carole began. "If Claire does come back…what will you do? If she comes back for Aaron, what are you going to do Kate?"

"I'll have to do the right thing I guess," she said. "It won't be easy. It will suck for me, but I did it once, and this time, I have someone to help me through it."

"Ok," Carole answered. "I guess I can't keep you from him. He missed you. He asked for you every night."

"I missed you momma," Aaron confirmed.

"Oh, I missed you too baby," she whispered into his ear. "I missed you so much. Oh I love you, I love you, I love you."

"Me too," he answered. "Can we go home?"

"Definitely," she responded. "Let's go. Say bye bye to Ms. Littleton."

"Bye gramma," he said putting his thumb in his mouth. Kate walked back down the stairs at the motel, carrying Aaron. She put him into the car and buckled him into the car seat. Sawyer looked at him and then got into the car.

"Sawyer?" she whispered. "Sawyer can you drive?"

"Yeah," he nodded. He got back out of the car. Kate got into the back seat with Aaron and Sawyer drove Kate back home. She had to tell him a couple times to turn around, since he didn't know exactly where she lived.

They walked into the house and Sawyer sat on the couch, while Kate went into the kitchen with Aaron. He didn't know how to react. He had just basically thrown himself into fatherhood. He knew nothing about kids. He knew nothing about Aaron or Kate's life here. He wondered if it was awkward for Jack. It was sure to be considering Jack was actually related to Aaron. She came back into the living room and looked at Sawyer with a soft smile. She walked toward him and sat down next to him.

"You wanna come meet him?" she asked. "He's wondering who you are."

"Yeah," he nodded. "Kate…I don't think. I don't think that I should stay here tonight."

"Why?" she asked, touching his arm. "James, we've slept next to each other every night since Juliet-"

"I know," he answered. "But that's only what-like 7 days. Kate I really just think it would be confusing for Aaron. I mean…having some strange guy staying with his mother? Maybe I'll just sleep on the couch or something."

"Well where are you going to go? What are you gonna do?" she asked. "It's not like you have your credit cards or anything here. I mean you shouldn't have even been driving my car considering you don't have your drivers license with you. I mean why don't you sleep here tonight, and tomorrow we'll figure stuff out. Just stay here tonight. I'll explain it to Aaron."

"Ok," he answered.

"Ok," she nodded. She took him by the hand and lead him into the kitchen where Aaron was eating lunch. Sawyer looked at him and smirked. Kate bent down to Aaron and looked at him.

"Aaron, you just asked me who this was remember?" she asked. He nodded and concentrated on eating his sandwich. "Well this is my friend Sawyer."

"Hi," Aaron said, looking up briefly.

"He knew you when you were just a baby," Kate told him. "Sawyer, this is Aaron."

"Hi Aaron," Sawyer answered, holding out his hand. Aaron shook it and then looked at Kate. He waved Kate toward him.

"Mommy, he looks like Clementine," he whispered loudly.

"You're right," Kate smiled. "He does, doesn't he?"

"One kid is enough for one day Freckles," Sawyer sighed. He left the room and Kate heard him go out the front door. Kate looked back and took a deep breath.

"You gonna be ok here for a second buddy?" she asked.

"Yeah mommy," he answered.

"Remember small bites, I'm gonna be right back ok," she said. She ran for the door and opened it. Sawyer was sitting on the porch, staring into space. She sat down next to him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"How well did you get to know Cassidy?" he asked.

"I told you that Clementine calls me Auntie Kate," she answered. "I got to know her pretty well. And Aaron and Clementine became pretty good friends."

"Does Clementine know about me?" he whispered.

"No," she replied softly. "Cassidy didn't-she didn't really think it would be-I mean why tell Clementine about her daddy that she would never meet. We never thought that we'd see you again James."

"I don't want to meet her," he shook his head. "It's too much. It's too hard."

"Well if you change your mind," Kate whispered. "That will be ok too."

That night Sawyer insisted that he would be fine on the couch. Kate was in her bed and she was having a hard time falling asleep. The door creaked open, and Aaron came in her room.

"Mommy can I sleep here?" he asked.

"Yeah," she smiled. He ran toward the bed and jumped on to it. She cradled him and then he moved out of her arms. She looked at him and ran her hand over his hair. He fell asleep quickly, and Kate watched him. She stared at Aaron for a long time. Her door was still opened. She could hear the TV downstairs. Sawyer was sure to be still wide awake. She didn't want him to be by himself. Aaron was fast asleep. She picked him up carefully and carried him back to his room. She put him down in bed and then walked down the stairs. Sawyer was flipping through the channels and frowning. She walked toward him and sat down next to him.

"You ok?" she asked softly.

"Couldn't sleep," he murmured. "Did you know that you have over 300 channels and there's still nothing on?"

"The wonders of cable," she chuckled. "I have a whole bunch of stuff recorded, if you wanted to see-"

"No thanks Kate," he shook his head.

"Jack told me that I should just sit with you," she whispered.

"Huh?" he asked.

"Jack," she began. "I told him that I didn't know what to do about you. I didn't know how to help you. He told me that I should just sit here with you. Listen if you wanted to talk, but sit here. Be here for you."

"You don't have to do that Kate," Sawyer said.

"Hey," she whispered. "Give me a break, I want to. Do you want to go upstairs?"

"What about Aaron?" he asked.

"Aaron's asleep in his own bed," she replied. "He's fine. He's sleeping like a baby."

He took her hand and they stood up. They walked up stairs slowly. Kate stopped by Aaron's room again to check on him, and he was sleeping soundly. They walked over to the bed together and climbed under the covers. Kate reached forward and touched his hair gently.

"You gonna tell me I need a haircut again?" he whispered.

"You know you do," she smirked.

"Juliet liked my hair this way," he replied. "I ain't cutting it."

"Ok," she answered and she pulled her hand away from his hair.

"Do you think I'm a terrible person?" he asked.

"Just awful," she replied sarcastically. "You won't cut your hair. That's just-"

"Not about my damn hair," he sighed. "I don't want to meet my daughter. What kind of person wouldn't want to meet their own kid?"

"Someone who is scared," she told him. "Someone who doesn't know what to expect. Someone who just spent 3 years on an island and then lost the woman he loves…a woman who just happened to be pregnant with his baby. You're not a horrible person James. It's ok. It's ok to be scared James. And it's ok to wait. I don't really know-maybe I should go and tell Cassidy that you're here-"

"No," he shook his head. "Don't do that because then she's just going to think I'm a damn coward for not coming to see her."

"Well," she sighed. "Then when you want to go see her…we'll go see her."

"I'm not living with you Kate," he whispered.

"What?" she asked. "Sawyer, why are you doing this? You just said earlier today that this is what Jacob wanted. This is the only way we'll be happy...if we're together."

"Yeah," he sighed. "I know, but...we can be together and not live together can't we? I mean, when people start dating or whatever the hell it is we're doing…they don't move in together after one night-"

"You wanted me to move in with you when we were on the island," she argued. "Do you remember that James? Do you remember asking me to come move in with you? You told me that you found clothes for me and they were in your closet-"

"Yeah, I remember," he sighed. "But Kate, that was different. It was fake. A fake life. And I never really expected you to want to stay with me anyway. I knew you'd say no."

"How did you know?" she asked.

"Because Kate," he chuckled softly. "You didn't want to stay in my tent on the beach, so why the hell would you stay with me in a stupid house?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Hey, it's ok," he replied. "I don't care. It never would have worked. Playing house was a dumb idea."

"No it wasn't," she shook her head. "It was a smart idea. I should have listened to you."

"I'm glad you didn't listen to me Freckles," he replied. "You could have-if you had stayed, and been there when the crazy military guys came with their explosives…if you had gotten hurt, I don't know what I would have done."

"But I'm fine," she whispered. "I didn't get hurt."

"Thank God," he answered. "Thank God you're ok."

"I want to kiss you," she said softly. "Can I kiss you James?"

"No," he shook his head. She nodded and started turning over. He quickly pulled her back toward him and kissed her deeply. She breathed in through her nose and he kept his mouth over hers. He rolled over on top of her and ran his hands over the hem of her shirt. He pulled her shirt up and off quickly.

"Wait-" she whispered.

"For what?" he asked. He stopped and looked down at her.

"For me to catch my breath," she replied and looked up at him. "Sawyer…I-"

"It's ok," he smirked. "Goodnight Freckles."

He rolled off of her, and stayed on his back, but didn't touch her. She turned toward him and moved closer to him. She kissed his cheek gently and then moved toward him again. He turned his head to look at her. He looked at her and ran his hand over her cheek. He reached over and picked up her shirt. He handed it to her and she smirked. She tossed the shirt across the room and leaned over him to kiss him. She started kissing him deeply. Neither of them were getting enough air, but she didn't stop. They both moaned softly. He let her stay on top of him.

"James," she whispered softly. She opened her eyes and looked down at him. He flipped them over so he was on top. He looked down at her and ran his hand across her forehead. He kissed her lips and neither of them stopped. Their tongues touched, and Kate took a deep breath. He trailed kisses down her stomach and then back up to her mouth. He briefly thought about Juliet. He knew he shouldn't be thinking about her while kissing Kate and being on top of her. But he couldn't help it. His mind wandered, to the pain of losing Juliet. He knew that Kate would be the only person who could ever help him through it. He thought about the fact that Juliet was dead, and then he remembered that Jacob said she was alive and living with her sister. He wondered if she was happy. Then his mind wandered to Jack. He thought about how Jack got to sleep with Kate in this bed for however long they were together. He wondered if Kate was thinking of Jack as they had sex in the bed she shared with Jack. He tried not to think of Jack and Juliet, but he couldn't help himself. Then he heard Kate moan his name louder. His real name escaped her lips. He missed the name James. Jim LaFleur was gone. He was gone, left on the island in the 70's. But Sawyer was dead too...right in this moment, laying on top of Kate, even though he was still fully clothed, he was James. He was James and she could be his Freckles.

"Freckles," he whispered into her mouth. "Your mouth-"

"Shh," she moaned softly. "No."

"No what?" he asked.

"Don't stop," she shook her head. "Keep going. James. James."

"Freckles," he said again. Each time she said his name, he liked it more and more. It wasn't Juliet saying it anymore. The way Kate said it, was so comforting and loving.

Kate was laying on her side. Sawyer was behind her with his arms around her.

"I'm gonna need you to take me some places tomorrow," he whispered.

"Like where?" she asked with a soft smile.

"Like you said," he began. "I need my license. I need to go to the bank and have funds transferred. I need-I need to arrange things. And I'm getting a hotel room."

"What?" she asked.

"Kate, this is a really bad idea," he sighed. "I mean, it's not that I don't-I can be here for you and you can call me whenever you want, but-I can't stay here. Not with Aaron. I can't move in Kate."

"James," she whispered softly.

"Yeah," he said touching her hair.

"I love you," she said. "I love you so much."

"I love you too Freckles," he answered.

The next day Kate took Sawyer on all his errands. They went to the bank, and he got all his stuff in order. She was happy to spend the day with both Sawyer and Aaron, but at the same time, she didn't know why Sawyer wouldn't stay with was planning on buying a car as soon as he could get a loan from the bank. He was hoping it would happen sooner rather than later. He didn't want to have to rely on Kate or a cab to get to places. Kate still had plenty of money from her Oceanic settlement, and she insisted on paying for his hotel room.

He was laying in the bed at the motel. He was having a hard time falling asleep. He felt bad about pushing Kate away, but he thought moving in so soon would be crazy. He knew it's what she wanted, but he wasn't sure that it was the right thing to do. He could be with her and love her without living with her. He stared at the ceiling and closed his eyes. There was a loud, frantic knock at the door. He rolled out of the bed and went quickly to the door. He looked out the peephole in the door to see who it was. Kate was standing there with tears streaming down her face. He opened the door and she let out a sob and stepped toward him. He wrapped his arms around her.

"What happened?" he asked softly. "What's wrong?"

"He's gone," she sobbed. "Aaron's gone!"

"What are you talking about?" he asked, cradling her face in his hands. She sobbed loudly and put her head against his chest.

"He's gone," she cried. "I-I went to his room, and he was gone Sawyer. My baby. It's all my fault."

"Sweetheart it is not your fault," he whispered. "It's not your fault…and we'll find him. We're gonna find him.""It's-maybe-I know this is going to sound crazy, but Jacob said that we wouldn't be happy without each other," she breathed. "He said that it had to be you and me to raise Aaron. What if-what if this is the first sign-"

"Hey," he began. "It's gonna be ok Kate. We'll find him. We'll find him. Let's go."

They started leaving the hotel. Sawyer pulled the door shut and locked it.

"Momma!" Aaron's voice exclaimed. Kate quickly spun around and Aaron was being carried by a pretty blonde. No it wasn't just a pretty blonde…it was Juliet. She put him down and Aaron ran toward Kate. Kate scooped him up and sighed deeply. She hugged him closely. Sawyer stared at Juliet.

"Jules," he whispered softly.

"How did you know my name?" Juliet asked.

**A/N: So I hope people liked my chapter. Reviews=LOVE**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews. Juliet will continue to be in the story. :). Glad you like it.**

Juliet stared at Sawyer waiting for an answer. He knew that she had no idea who he was. He opened his mouth and looked at Kate.

"I-" he began.

"How did you know my name?" she asked again. Kate and Sawyer both stayed quiet. "Fine. Never mind. I'm glad your son is safe."

"Wait," Kate said. "Where did you find him?"

"He came to my hotel room," Juliet replied. "He knocked on the door. He was scared and he told me that he didn't know where he lived. I was about to take him to the police station, but then he saw you."

"I was scared momma," Aaron frowned.

"Aaron, you know that you are not allowed to leave the house without me," she said. "Why did you?"

"A man came," he answered, continuing to frown and looking as if he might cry. "He told me that you wanted me to go with him."

"Did he bring you here?" Kate asked.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"I'm sorry," Kate whispered. "I'm sorry baby. You're ok. It's ok."

"Goodnight," Juliet said and started walking back to her hotel room. Sawyer looked after her. He looked at Kate, somewhat sadly and then walked after Juliet.

"Hey!" he exclaimed. "Wait."

"What?" she asked. "Who are you?"

"You don't remember me at all do you?" he whispered.

"Should I?" she asked. "I mean…I would think that I would have remembered your wife if she was one of my patients."

She gestured toward Kate and Aaron.

"No," he shook his head. "She's not my wife. A long time ago-please, just give me a sign that you-you remember something about me. Juliet-"

"I don't know who you are," she answered. "I'm sorry if you think I'm someone, but I'm-it's not me."

"So I know someone else who looks exactly like you, and whose name is Juliet Louise?" he asked.

She opened her mouth and then closed it.

"Oh my God," she said.

"You remember?" he asked.

"No!" she exclaimed. "Have you been stalking me!?"

"No," he shook his head. "Wait."

"If you come near me again, I'm going to call the police," she said.

He shook his head, but decided not to say anything else. He walked back to where Kate was standing with Aaron. He sighed deeply and wiped his hand over his mouth.

"She doesn't remember," he whispered. "She doesn't-she has no idea who I am."

"I'm sorry James," Kate said. "Can I stay here tonight? I mean, I already paid for the room, and Aaron is so tired. I know that I only live-"

"Kate, of course you can stay. Come on," he interrupted. He opened the door and Kate walked into the room. She looked around and realized there was only one bed. Sawyer gestured to the bed and Kate put Aaron down. Sawyer walked into the bathroom, but didn't shut the door. Kate looked toward the bathroom to see what Sawyer was doing. She heard the sink running, and she heard Sawyer groan. She walked toward the bathroom and stood in the doorway. Sawyer was scrubbing his face with his hands. She stepped toward him and wrapped her arms around him.

"She doesn't know who I am," he whispered. "She-Kate she's 5 doors down from us and she has no clue that-she has no clue that we were together. Why couldn't I forget too? Why couldn't Jacob let me have a clean slate."

"James," she said softly and ran her hand over his head and back. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."

He backed away and then pressed his lips to hers. He pulled her into the bathroom and shut the door. And then he pushed her against the bathroom door.

"Sawyer," she gasped. "What are you doing?"

"Kissing," he said. He quickly pulled his shirt off and pulled her toward him. She tried to push him off of her, but he was holding her too tightly.

"Stop," she mumbled through the kiss. He let go of her again, but this time only long enough to pull at her shirt. "Sawyer."

"Come on," he whispered. He picked her up and put her on the sink. He hadn't succeeded in taking her shirt off, so he tried again. He kissed her neck and then moved back to her lips.

"Sawyer," she said again. "Stop it."

"What?" he asked. "What?"

"Aaron is right in the other room," she stated. "I have to go check on him."

"He's fine," Sawyer answered, stopping her from getting off the sink. "He's sleeping."

"I already lost him once tonight," she shook her head. "And I'm not going to have sex with you in the bathroom. He could hear us. Not only that, but this time I _know_ you're going to be thinking about Juliet."

"Give me a break," he scoffed.

"I don't know what you expect me to do," she shrugged. "I know you want me to just tear all my clothes off right here and now, but that's not happening. Why are you doing this Sawyer? This isn't you. This isn't-"

She slid off the sink and pushed past him. She walked into the bedroom area and looked down at Aaron. Aaron was sleeping so soundly, and she hated to try to pick him up in case he woke up. Sawyer followed her and looked at her.

"Are you leaving?" he asked.

"I guess not," she sighed. "We'll be gone tomorrow though Sawyer. You don't have to worry about anything."

She got into the bed and faced Aaron. She watched him sleeping. Sawyer grumbled softly and went over to the bed too. He laid down and didn't face Kate. But he reached back and went to touch Kate's hand. Their fingers touched softly.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"What?" she asked.

"I'm sorry Freckles," he repeated and then flipped over. Kate had flipped over too, so they were facing each other. "I never meant-I don't know what's wrong with me. If you want to leave, I can't stop you…I'm not even going to ask you to stay…but if you want to stay…this bed is obviously big enough for all 3 of us."

Kate smirked and sighed softly. She moved toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck and breathed in deeply. He hugged her back and she looked up at him.

"Why doesn't she remember Kate?" he asked softly. Kate cupped his face gently and shook her head.

"I don't know," she whispered. "Maybe-maybe it just never happened for her. I don't know James."

"I lost her-and now seeing her again and knowing that she has no clue who I am," he sighed. "It's like losing her all over again. I have no one."

"Hey," Kate started. "That's not true. I know I'm not Juliet, but you have me."

She leaned forward and kissed his lips gently. He ran his hands down her arms and then backed away.

"I'm not alone?" he asked. "Got myself a makeshift family. You and Aaron."

"It really bothers you doesn't it?" she asked. "I mean, it _really _bothers you that I have Aaron."

"No," he sighed. "It's fine Kate. I mean…you're definitely a MILF."

"Thanks," she murmured.

"I just have to get used to sharing you," he replied. "I had enough practice sharing you with Jack, so I guess I can handle a kid."

"Are you pushing my buttons on purpose?" she asked. "Stop bringing up Jack. What Jack and I had-"

"Obviously meant something to you!" he exclaimed softly. "You were engaged to the guy!"

"Look, I know that it's not going to be easy for you to be around Aaron, but if we love each other…we'll make it work right? I mean we can make it work."

"I guess," he whispered.

Kate sighed and flipped over so her back was to him. He sighed again and pulled her toward him, keeping her back to him. He spooned against her and put his face next to hers.

"How are we going to do this?" she sniffled, and didn't flip over toward him. "How are we going to survive this when-"

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Kate, I'm so sorry. I never-it's just totally messed up. I-I want to be with you so badly."

"But?" she asked.

"But nothing," he answered. "I want to be with you. I want us to be together and love each other. I don't need marriage or kids, but if you do-I just need you Freckles."

"I have Aaron," she whispered. "Jack-he didn't. It was too hard for him. He took 2 and a half years to want to be with me because of Aaron. And then-then he was jealous. He was so jealous of Aaron, because he knew."

"He knew what?" Sawyer asked.

"He knew that I only kept Aaron because Aaron filled the void that you left," she said.

"What?" he asked.

"When you jumped," she began, looking down. "It affected me. It did. And it sucked. I knew I would never see you again, so I needed something to hang on to. I needed something James. Aaron was the only thing that could keep my mind off missing you."

"Freckles," he whispered.

"And when you were gone…it killed me. It hurt me so much," she said softly. The tears started streaming down her face. Sawyer touched her face softly and shook his head.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," he answered.

"Well," she breathed. "We can be together now. I mean we can be together?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "We are together Freckles."

She kissed his lips softly and slowly. He breathed in sharply and then backed away.

"Aaron is right there," he whispered. "At least when I kissed you, it was behind closed doors."

She cuddled against his chest and started to fall asleep.

The next morning Kate was sleeping in the bed next to Sawyer. He got out of the bed and went to the window. He heard yelling coming from outside and watched the scene. Juliet was standing outside of the hotel room wearing just a t-shirt. She was yelling at a guy who was getting into a car. The car sped off and Juliet turned back to the hotel room. The door had locked behind her. She groaned and sat down on the ground, in tears. Sawyer stepped out of his own hotel room. He was just wearing his boxers. He made sure to grab the room key before leaving. He walked toward Juliet and sat down next to her.

"Didn't I say that I'd call the cops-" she began.

"You moved around a lot when you were a kid," he interrupted. "The first real home you ever felt like you had was Miami. In fact you should be living there right now with your sister Rachel and your nephew…Julian."

"How-" she started.

"I don't know," he sighed. "But we were together Juliet. You and me. We were with each other."

"I know this is going to sound crazy," she whispered. "I dreamt-last night I dreamt about you. We were living in this house. One of those cookie cutter houses where they all look exactly the same. I got so freaked out last night because I've dreamt of you before. And there's always something that stops us from being together."

The hotel room opened and Kate came out with Aaron. She looked at him and continued to her car. Sawyer quickly got up and ran to her.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"I'm gonna get out of here," she shook her head. "I can't compete-"

"Kate," he whispered. "She doesn't even remember me. I'm pretty sure that she just broke up with her boyfriend and he drove off and she's locked out of her hotel room. Don't leave. Come on. I need you to drive me around till I get a car."

She smirked and looked at Juliet.

"Do you need to help her?" Kate asked.

"She can figure it out," he sighed. "She doesn't remember me Kate. I'm not her boyfriend."

"How do you feel?" Kate whispered.

"About what?" he asked.

"Seeing her again?" she said.

"It sucks," he murmured. "Because I love her, and I can't be with her, and I'm completely in love with you and I feel guilty for 'cheating' on Juliet, and she doesn't remember me, which is quite possibly the worst part about all of it."

"James," she whispered and wrapped her arms around him.

Juliet watched from her door. Watching the interaction between these two people, she wasn't sure why, but she could feel the jealousy eating at her. She didn't know why she should be jealous of a complete stranger, but it was almost as if since she had the dream about him, she had some kind of claim over him. She wanted him. She knew that she didn't stand a chance in hell, but why was he so adamant that they knew each other. She had never seen the man in person till last night, but she had been dreaming about him. Sawyer leaned forward and kissed Kate softly. Watching their lips touching, was almost nauseating for her to watch, but somehow, she knew that those two people in front of her, no matter how jealous she was, they should be together.


	10. Chapter 10

Kate brought Sawyer back to her house. She didn't know if he would stay, but she hoped he would. When she pulled into the driveway, Sawyer got out of the car first. He went into the house before Kate could get Aaron out of the car.

"Aaron," Kate started. "If there's ever a person you don't know telling you to come with them, you come get me right away."

"He said you wanted me to!" he exclaimed.

"I know," she whispered. "But, he was a bad man and he lied. So next time come and get me."

"Ok," he murmured. Kate went into the house and Sawyer was sitting, staring at the blank TV. Aaron ran into the house and went upstairs. Kate walked toward him and sat down next to him.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"I want to go meet my daughter," he whispered.

"What?" she asked.

"Seeing Juliet," he sighed. "She was pregnant. And now…she's not. I never-I don't think I can be her father, but I just want to…I want to meet her."

"I'll call Cassidy," she answered. Kate got up and went into the kitchen. Sawyer could hear her talking indistinctly at first, but then he heard her louder.

"Cassidy," Kate began. "He wants to meet her."

"Now he wants to meet her?" Cassidy asked. "What happened when I told him about her and he turned his nose up and said 'I don't have a daughter'? He can't just change his mind."

"He's changed a lot," she whispered. "Cassidy, he's not the same guy you knew 6 years ago. And he's just really...things are really messed up. I think it might help him if he could just meet her. He doesn't want to impose too much."

"Which means, he doesn't want to be her father," Cassidy scoffed.

"Cassidy, you live in New Mexico," Kate argued. "We live in LA."

"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked.

"It means, that the only way that he'll really be able to be her father is if he moved to Albuquerque or if you move here," she responded.

"He wants to meet her and what?" Cassidy asked.

"I don't know Cassidy," Kate sighed. "Maybe he just wants to do the right thing. He wants to meet her, but obviously it's mostly up to you."

"Fine," she murmured. "Tomorrow."

"OK," Kate nodded. "Tomorrow."

Kate walked back into the living room and sat down next to Sawyer. Aaron was still upstairs, and she would go to check on him soon. She looked at Sawyer and sighed softly.

"Tomorrow," she said.

"Do you mind-I have to do this. I have to Kate," he shook his head. "I don't want to mess things up. I don't want to mess things up with Clementine or with you."

"You're not," she answered and ran her hand through his hair. "You're not messing anything up."

He looked at her and leaned forward.

"You are so damn beautiful," he whispered. "You're too beautiful."

He ran his hand over her leg and up her skirt. She breathed out sharply.

"Sawyer," she breathed. "Stop."

"Make me," he whispered. He kissed her and she quickly kissed him back and moaned softly. He laid back on the couch, and pulled her down on top of him. She moaned again. Neither of them heard the soft footsteps.

"Momma?" he asked, with his thumb in his mouth. Kate quickly gasped and sat up. She looked at Aaron and he walked over to her. "What are you doing momma?"

Kate let out a nervous laugh and stood up.

Aaron still looked confused, but Kate didn't answer his question. She never let Aaron see her kissing Jack. She waited for Sawyer to say something.

"Can I borrow your car?" he asked.

"Why?" she asked.

"Well," he sighed. "We ran a lot of errands yesterday Kate, but I kinda need some clothes. I have no clothes here."

Kate chuckled and walked over to the tray where she kept the keys. She handed them to him and he left quickly. Kate let out a loud breath and turned back around to look at Aaron.

"Mommy," he frowned. "I want to watch cartoons."

"Ok," she said. She turned on the TV and sat down on the couch with Aaron, to watch his cartoons. Sawyer stayed away for most of the day. Kate wasn't sure if it was because he really was spending all the time shopping, or if he was avoiding her. She was making dinner when she heard the car pull into the driveway. Aaron was banging his fork against his plate, while he waited for Kate to finish making dinner. She was starting to get a headache.

"Aaron can you please stop that?" she asked. He stopped, but then started again. Kate heaved a deep breath and heard the door open and close.

"Honey, I'm home," he said sarcastically. She turned around and looked at him.

"Hi," she stated. "Dinner's almost ready."

"Are you mad?" he asked. He had to talk louder, over Aaron's banging.

"No," she replied. "I'm not-Aaron, stop it."

"Ok," Aaron murmured. He stopped again. Kate turned back to the stove and Sawyer walked up behind her. She wished he would put his arms around her, but he didn't.

"Do you want any help?" he asked softly.

"Can you set the table?" she said.

"Sure," he nodded. He opened several drawers, which seemed to bug her.

"Let me do it," she stated curtly.

"Kate, I've been here a day," he argued. "How the hell do you expect me to know where everything is?"

"I don't," she said. She opened the correct drawer and then shut it loudly with her hip. She slammed the silverware down on the table and Aaron went back to hitting his spoon against his plastic plate. Kate decided not to say anything at first. She went to start stirring the food, and the banging on the plate got louder and then louder.

"For the love of God Aaron!" she yelled. She slammed the spoon she was stirring with down in the pan and went toward snatched the spoon from his hand and then slammed it down on the counter out of his reach. He started crying. Kate turned around to face the counter by the wall and put her head down in her hands. She stood back up and turned off the stove and oven. She served a plate of food and put it on the table. Then she took Aaron's plate and plopped a small scoop of food on his plate too. She put it in front of him and gave him back his spoon, and then she left the room and went up the stairs. Sawyer sat down next to Aaron who was still crying, but began to eat the food. He spit it back out and looked at Sawyer.

"It's yucky," he said with the tears still streaming down his face.

"Don't tell your mother," Sawyer murmured. "You ok?"

Aaron nodded and frowned. Sawyer hesitated and then patted Aaron's shoulder softly.

"Mind if I go talk to your mom?" Sawyer asked. Aaron nodded, but then wrapped his arms around Sawyer's legs. Sawyer let out a soft chuckle and squatted down in front of him. "I'll be right back."

He walked up the stairs, and Kate was sitting on the floor in the hallway. He sat down next to her silently. She didn't look at him.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I asked him 3 times to stop banging his damn spoon," she answered. "I couldn't take it anymore."

"No Kate," he shook his head. "Not about that. Why are you being so-"

"Such a bitch?" she asked.

"That is not what I said," he argued. "But what's going on? When I left you were fine. We were making out on the couch. I just-I needed to go get some clothes, what the hell is wrong with that?"

"Nothing is wrong with that," she sighed. "What's wrong is the look on your face when you saw Juliet again."

"Kate," he shook his head. "I was with her for 3 years. What would you have me do Kate? She didn't know me. She doesn't know me. I-I can't help it. It has nothing to do with my feelings for her, but we were together…just like you and Jack were. How would you feel if tomorrow we were walking down the street and we walked past Jack, and he didn't so much as glance at you, because he had no clue who you were."

"It would suck," she murmured. "It would hurt."

"There you go," he shrugged.

"I just don't want to lose you," she sniffled. "I finally say that I love you. I finally can tell you how much I love you, and now she's back and I feel like I'm going to lose you."

"You're not gonna lose me Freckles," he whispered and leaned forward. He kissed her gently and she kissed him back and wrapped her arms around him.

"Are we going to make out in every room of the house?" she asked softly, keeping their lips touching.

"Hell yeah," he replied. She chuckled and pressed her lips back against his. She moved closer to him and crawled over to his lap. Then she quickly stood up and looked at him.

"I should-" she said, and pointed down the stairs. He nodded and stood up. They went back down the stairs and Aaron was sitting at the table eating. He looked at Kate and then ignored her.

"I'm sorry honey," she sighed. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I just have a headache."

"I don't like you anymore mommy," he replied.

"I'm sorry," she answered. "I'm sorry sweetheart. I didn't think, ok? Will you forgive me?"

"No," he shook his head. Kate sighed deeply and they ate dinner in mostly silence. After dinner, Aaron left the table silently and went upstairs by himself.

"Do you mind going-" Kate began.

"Yeah yeah," he murmured softly. "I'll talk to him. But I don't know if he'd want to listen to me."

"Well he's mad at me," she answered. Sawyer walked up the stairs. Kate followed him, but waited outside in the hallway. Sawyer knocked on the door and then went inside. Aaron was sitting on the floor playing with his cars. He sat down next to him and sighed.

"Can I play?" Sawyer asked softly.

"Ok," Aaron answered and handed Sawyer a large fire truck.

"Wow," Sawyer said. "This is awesome."

"Look," Aaron smiled. He hit a button on the top of the truck and it made a high pitch siren sound. Sawyer chuckled and looked at Aaron.

"Well I bet that drives your momma crazy," Sawyer said. Aaron continued to smile and he nodded. Sawyer could see Kate in the hallway watching them. She was smiling too.

"And this," Aaron stated. He hit another button and a mechanical voice said "Where's the fire?" Sawyer and Aaron continued to play with the cars and trucks.

"Why are you so mad at your mom?" Sawyer asked.

"She yelled at me," he frowned.

"I know," Sawyer whispered. "But I'm sure she's sorry. I know your mommy loves you so so much. And I know that she missed you a lot when she was gone."

"I missed her," he said. "She didn't say bye to me."

"Well," he began. "You're mommy isn't going to leave you again. And she loves you more than anything."

"You kissed her," Aaron stated.

"Yeah," Sawyer nodded and smiled. "I kissed her."

"Why?" Aaron asked.

"Because that's what grownups do when they like each other," he answered.

"Sawyer, are you my daddy now?" he whispered.

"No," Sawyer shook his head. "But we can be buddies. We can play with your cars and we can both drive your momma crazy."

"Ok," Aaron smiled and nodded. "Sawyer, will you read to me?"

"Sure," he said. "Go pick a book."

"You," he replied. Sawyer grumbled softly and went to the bookshelf. He looked at all the books and then picked one up. Aaron got up on to his bed and Sawyer sat down next to him.

"This was my favorite book," he said. "The Little Engine That Could. My mom used to read it to me."

"Trains are my favorite," Aaron replied.

"Have you ever gone on a real train?" Sawyer asked.

"No," he shook his head.

"Well maybe someday your momma will take you on a train," Sawyer smiled.

"And you too?" he asked.

"Maybe," Sawyer answered. Sawyer looked over at the small table next to Aaron's bed. He saw a picture of Aaron, with a cute little blonde girl. He picked the picture up and looked at it. "Who is this? Your girlfriend?"

"Uh huh," Aaron nodded.

"Really?" Sawyer asked. "Well that's pretty cool. She's a pretty girl."

"Yeah," Aaron nodded again. "She's pretty."

"What's her name?" Sawyer inquired.

"Clementine," he replied. Kate walked into the room and sat down next to the bed.

"Mommy, is Jack coming back?" Aaron asked.

"Probably not hon," she answered.

"Probably?" Sawyer whispered lowly.

"It's time for bed Aaron," Kate whispered and kissed him on the forehead. "I love you."

"Love you too momma," he sighed.

"Did you have fun with Sawyer?" she asked. He nodded and then closed his eyes. Sawyer got out of the bed carefully and left the room. Kate followed him and shut the door behind her. Sawyer sighed softly and shook his head.

"What did you mean 'probably'?" he asked.

"Sawyer," she whispered.

"I know it's stupid," he replied. "I know it is, but I can't help it. What does 'probably' mean?"

"Probably means probably James," she answered. "It's-ok…for example…say tomorrow Jack comes back and he wants to see Aaron. I'm not going to keep Aaron away from him-"

"He's a junkie!" Sawyer exclaimed.

"What?" Kate asked. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"What does junkie mean?" he asked. "It means, that he's a drug addict and a drunk."

"He used to be," she answered.

"Used to be," he nodded. "Ok, fine…he used to be. Tell me something Freckles, when was the last time you saw him drink something or pop a pill?"

"Ok," she sighed. "Fine-yes, he just got clean, but I trust him. I can't help it. Just like you still love Juliet…I still love Jack. I know that you probably think I'm crazy, but I still care about him."

"What would you do-" he began. "What would you do, if Jack came back tomorrow, and he wanted to apologize for everything he did to you, and he wanted to get back together? Don't try to lie."

"James," she shook her head.

"Who would you choose," he shrugged. "I mean, we both love you. We both want you. Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with?"

"I-" she began.

"I'll tell you," he interrupted. "You would have to be out of your mind to choose me. Jack has everything. Jack has money and he has a great job-"

"You know damn well that money doesn't matter to me," she interrupted.

"No I don't," he whispered.

"You know me James," she said, shaking her head. "You at least know that I'm not a shallow person. Jack's money had nothing to do with why I accepted his proposal."

"Why did you then?" he asked honestly.

"Because-" she breathed. "Because I needed someone. I wanted a good dad for Aaron, and I thought that I deserved someone."

"You do," he whispered.

"I wanted him because of who I thought he was," she continued. "I thought he's who I needed. But I needed you. I missed you so much. I could never figure out why I missed you so much. I thought maybe it was because I saw Clementine all the time and she reminded me of you, and then I realized that the reason I missed you, is because I wanted it to be you in that bed with me every night. Being with Jack was just because I needed someone in my life who wasn't under the age of 3. I mean…I loved him, but not the same way I love you."

"If Juliet remembered," he sighed. "If Juliet hadn't-I'd still be with her."

"Why are you telling me-" she began.

"Because you deserve to know," he interrupted. "I'm not saying that I wouldn't be thinking about you constantly, because I would. But…Juliet told me that I would have stayed with her forever if she let me…and she's right. I wouldn't have been able to break her heart. She was with me for 3 years…I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt her."

"It's because you're a good guy James," she told him.

"Well then I want to know," he whispered. "Would you go back to Jack?"

"Why would I want to be with someone who wanted to erase our entire lives?" she asked. "I don't know James, but it doesn't matter-"

"What if he comes back?!" he exclaimed.

"What if Juliet remembers?" she asked softly. "What if something happens, and tomorrow you bump into her and she realizes that she remembers your entire life together?"

"I'd go," he answered softly.

"Then me too," she replied quickly. "If you'd-"

He quickly grabbed her into his arms and kissed her roughly. She kissed him back just as vigorously. She nearly knocked him over and pushed him into the bedroom. She shut the door louder than she meant to and he pushed her up against it. Neither of them paid much attention to what they were doing. They both had a hard time pulling their clothes off, because they were going too fast. They were moving through the room and knocking things down as they went. They finally got to the bed. Sawyer quickly pulled all the covers off the bed and tossed Kate onto the bed. She gasped loudly and wrapped her arms around his neck as he laid down on top of her. Sawyer held her down, and she was scratching his back. They both knew that they were going to leave marks on each other, but neither of them stopped.

* * *

Kate was laying on his chest. He stroked her hair softly and sighed deeply.

"I love you," he whispered. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You should have seen the bruise you left on my back when you slammed me against those cage bars," she chuckled.

"No," he argued. "I mean-I mean I didn't mean it when I said I'd go back to Juliet if she remembered. I honestly don't know what I'd do Kate. This feels so right…us. But I can't help but to think back to Juliet sometimes."

"Well duh," she answered. "Sawyer it hasn't even been 2 weeks. It'll get easier. It will get easier."

"I think that Juliet would want us to be happy," he said.

"I think that she would too," she whispered. "I love you too, James."

He kissed her cheek softly.

**A/N: Ok…so I don't know what happened. Chapter 8 got 9 reviews, which was AWESOME! But chapter 9, got only 1. I guess 1 is better than none, but I would adore more! : )**


	11. Chapter 11

They woke up early to drive to Albuquerque. Sawyer drove Kate crazy because he kept changing his mind from wanting Kate to come with him or not. But now they were on the road and there was nothing to do to change it. Kate was driving. She kept looking at the dashboard and she sighed.

"I have to go get gas," she told him.

"Ok," he said. She pulled off the highway and found a gas station.

"Mommy, I gotta go potty," Aaron stated.

"I'll take you," she sighed.

"No Sawyer!" he exclaimed.

"Do you mind?" Kate asked.

Sawyer sighed softly, but got out of the car, and then opened the car door for Aaron. He and Sawyer went into the gas station and found the bathroom. On the way back out Aaron walked past the candy.

"Can I?!" he exclaimed. "Pleaaasse?"

"We have to go ask your mom," Sawyer answered.

"I want this," Aaron said, picking up a toy truck. "And this for Clementine!"

Aaron picked up a box that was filled with toy jewelry. Sawyer sighed again. He didn't think about getting Clementine something, but he thought maybe it could help. He didn't know how this was going to go. He didn't even know if Cassidy was going to tell Clementine that he was her dad. The jewelry box was only 1.99. He looked at the car, which was for some reason 5 bucks. He sighed and brought the car and the jewelry up to the counter. The clerk rang up the merchandise.

"10.80," she told him.

"10.80?" he asked. "That jewelry box is only 1.99."

"Oh," she said. "No, it looks like it rang up as 5.01."

"Ok," he sighed. "Whatever."

"Let me go get my manager."

"No," he began. "That's really not necessary-"

But before he could keep talking the girl disappeared. He would have just left, but she took the jewelry with her. He sighed deeply and Aaron patted him on the leg.

"Can I have this?" he asked and picked up a candy bar.

"Not today," Sawyer murmured.

"Mommy said yes!" he exclaimed.

"Your mommy is still outside," he argued.

"James?" the voice gave him shivers. He spun around quickly and Juliet was standing behind him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked softly. "And why-"

"I remember," she whispered. "Well at least I think I do. I was pregnant?"

"I don't know," he shook his head. "You came to me in a dream and told me you were, but it was just a damn dream."

"I remember," she nodded. "I remember everything. Dharma. Living with you for 3 years. Falling in love-I remember. I remember James."

Sawyer felt like he swallowed a brick. The manager of the gas station was back and he looked at Sawyer.

"This was miss marked?" he asked. "I'm sorry. We'll give you a refund so you only have to pay-"

"I don't care," Sawyer said. "I thought a dollar ninety nine seemed a little low…I'll pay the real price. Here."

He handed the cashier eleven dollars and then took Aaron by the hand. He handed Aaron the toy truck and they started to leave.

"He's cute," Juliet stated. "He has your eyes."

"If you remember Juliet," Sawyer started, turning back around. "What's his name?"

"How the hell-"

"It's Aaron," he interrupted. "This is Aaron. It's not my son. You don't remember at all-"

"It's been two weeks and you're already with her," she said. "You sure got over me fast."

"Juliet-" he sighed. "It's not like that-"

"Just because we love each other doesn't mean we're supposed to be together," she replied. "Maybe we were never supposed to be together. I love you. I love you James. I love you so much."

"No," he shook his head and put his hands against his forehead. "Wake up Sawyer. Wake up."

"I still have your back James," Juliet whispered and started walking toward him.

"God," he sighed. "Just let me wake up. Wake up."

"It's ok," she started. "I know how much you love her James. It's ok. We spent our time together, and it was wonderful, but it couldn't last. There's no way it could have lasted."

"You never said that," he shook his head.

"James, it's me," she said. "This isn't a dream."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and he was stunned. He was so stunned, that he couldn't even hug her back.

"Sawyer, what are you-" Kate began and then stopped when she saw Juliet hugging him. "Doing?"

Aaron held up his car for Kate to see. She sighed and then looked at Sawyer and Juliet, who had stopped hugging.

"What's going on?" Kate asked, softly. "We have to get going."

"Yeah," Sawyer sighed. Kate and Juliet both detected a soft crack in Sawyer's voice as he spoke. He quickly picked up the jewelry box and went back to the car.

"Why were you hugging him?" Kate asked. "I thought you didn't know him."

"I remember," Juliet answered. "I remember everything. I remember watching the freighter burn with him, and I remember holding you guys hostage. I remember the first time I kissed him and what it felt like. And I remember the last time I saw his face."

"You remember," Kate nodded. "Perfect."

Kate walked back to the car with Aaron and got him into the car. Sawyer was sitting in the car silently. She got into the drivers seat and started driving off.

"She remembers Kate," he whispered.

"I know," Kate replied. "She just told me. What are you gonna do?"

"I don't know Freckles," he murmured. "Y'know…last night…I really was just talking. But I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do. Tell me what to do Kate."

"I can't tell you what to do Sawyer," she said softly.

"I'm-I'm so stupid!" he exclaimed. "I'm an awful person. I've been apart from Juliet for 2 weeks and I'm already sleeping with you. We're already together? What the hell is wrong with me!? I took forever to be with Juliet."

"Sawyer," she whispered and reached over the seat. She took his hand in hers and looked at him. "You aren't an awful person."

"What would you call it?" he asked.

"I would call it a broken person."

"Yeah," he murmured. "Well believe me, I was pretty damn broken when I thought I'd never see you again too, but I at least waited. I waited almost a year before I even kissed Juliet."

Neither of them said anything for a long time. They drove to Albuquerque, and stopped a couple times for a bathroom break, but they arrived in New Mexico at 1:00 in the afternoon. Kate drove into the driveway and stopped the car.

"This is it," she whispered. "You ready?"

"Guess, as ready as I'll ever be," Sawyer answered.

He got out of the car and walked up to the house. Kate went behind him with Aaron. Sawyer hesitated before ringing the door bell. Kate reached over and rang the bell for him. The door opened and it was Cassidy. She looked past Sawyer at Kate and Aaron.

"Cassie!" Aaron exclaimed.

"Hey honey," she smiled. "Clementine's in her room."

"OK!" he said. He ran past the adults and into the house.

"Come in," she sighed. She still hadn't made eye contact with Sawyer. He didn't know what to do or say. They went into the house and sat down at the living room table. She poured coffee for everyone and then sat down.

"What do you want James?" Cassidy asked. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" he scoffed. "I just want to see her."

"So you can feel less guilty?" she questioned. "Sawyer, she needs a daddy."

"I can't be her daddy," he answered. "I can't-"

"But you have absolutely no problem with being with Kate and her son," she replied. "Why do you want to meet her? What's the point?"

"I don't know," he murmured. "Maybe this was a bad idea."

"No, I'll go get her," Cassidy responded. "But she isn't going to know who you are. When she gets a little older…when she starts asking about her daddy, then I'll tell her who you are."

"I'll write," he whispered.

"What?" she scoffed. "You'll write? What are you gonna say?"

"Dammit Cassidy," he began quietly. "I'm trying ok? I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to act. I'm sorry I never wrote to her when she was a baby, but I had no clue what I was supposed to do or say. And now I just want to meet her. I'll write her letters. Can't exactly drive all the way to Albuquerque every day."

"Fine," she sighed. "I'll go get her."

Cassidy got up and walked up the stairs. She came back a few minutes later with Clementine following her. She was bubbly and excited. Not shy at all. She ran over to Kate and flung her arms around her.

"Aunt Kate!" she exclaimed. "You came by again soon!"

"Yeah," Kate chuckled. "How are you?"

"Good," she answered.

"Clementine," Cassidy began. "We have another guest. Can you say hi?"

"Hi," she said. "My name is Clementine!"

"Sawyer," he replied. "How old are you Clementine?"

"6 almost 7. Mommy can Kate and Sawyer come to my party?!" she exclaimed.

"I don't know," Cassidy replied, slightly uncomfortable.

"Kate can you come?" Clementine asked.

"Maybe," Kate smiled.

"Kate, is Sawyer your boyfriend," Clementine said with a large smirk.

"Oh, I-um-erhm," Kate stuttered.

"Yeah," Sawyer nodded and took Kate's hand in his. "Clementine, I'm her boyfriend."

Clementine furrowed her eyebrows and then looked slightly confused, yet slightly intrigued.

"Can you smile?" Clementine asked. Sawyer couldn't help but let out a chuckle and then he smiled partially.

"You and mommy both have dimples like me," Clementine pointed out.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"I like your roughies," she said patting her own cheeks. "Like uncle Jason."

"Your beard," Cassidy explained.

"Yeah, I got that," he nodded.

"Ok," Cassidy sighed. "Kate and Sawyer have to go."

"What?" Sawyer asked.

"That's enough," Cassidy continued.

"Cass, we just drov-" he began.

"Don't," she shook her head. "Just don't."

"Cassidy," Kate started. "You're really gonna just turn us away."

"Mommy they should stay for lunch," Clementine answered.

"They can't," Cassidy replied.

"Sure we can," Sawyer challenged. "What do you got?"

"Grilled cheese!" Clementine exclaimed.

"Grilled cheese is my favorite," Sawyer said to the little girl.

"Me too!" she stated. "I like mine with tomatoes."

"I've never had a grilled cheese with a tomato," he replied.

"Why?" she asked.

"I don't know," he laughed.

Sawyer and Kate stayed at Cassidy's house for most of the rest of the day. When Aaron started getting tired, they decided to drive home. Aaron could sleep in the car. Kate turned the radio on softly as she drove. She looked tired too.

"Want me to drive?" he asked.

"No," she shook her head. "I want to drive. I-"

"Are you alright?" he whispered.

"I know that you feel guilty about Juliet," she murmured. "So do I. I don't want-I don't want to keep you from her-"

"Kate," he sighed. "You're not."

"Do you know what you want?" she asked softly.

"Do _you _know what _you _want?" he asked her.

"I want us," she answered. "I want you and me and Aaron."

"I want you too," he said. He held her hand in his and brought it to his mouth. "I love you Kate. And Juliet…I mean she lives in Miami. I don't know what she's doing in LA, but she's going to leave again."

When they pulled into the driveway there was a car already there. Sawyer saw a figure standing on the porch pacing. He sighed softly.

"It's Juliet," he whispered. "How did she know where you live?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. He got out of the car and walked over to the porch. Kate went to get Aaron out of the car carefully. She figured she'd wait a couple minutes, to give them time to talk. He walked up to the porch and looked at her.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I know that it's all really confusing," she started. "I'm confused too. I remember our 3 years together, but I also remember the 3 years I've spent in Miami with my sister. I remember. I'm sorry that I just showed up like this, but I have something to tell you."

"Ok," he whispered.

"I'm pregnant," she said.

**A/N: I updated quickly. I will probably wait till the next chapter, depending on reviews. Please please review?**


	12. Chapter 12

Sawyer stared at her somewhat dumbly. He shook his head and then heaved a deep breath.

"And you're telling me this because…" he shrugged.

"I just thought you'd want to know James," she whispered. "And I don't know what-I don't know if you're the father. I mean-my boyfriend…the one you saw the other day…we haven't had sex in a month. I mean…I guess he could still be the father-"

"How the hell is this even at all possible?" he asked. Kate had heard most of the conversation, even though she hadn't meant to. She walked past them into the house and Sawyer sighed sharply. "I have to go Juliet."

"I told you," she sniffled. "I told you."

"You told me what?" he scoffed.

"We were never supposed to be together," she whispered. "You love her. You want her. I tell you I'm pregnant, and you're just going to leave me-"

"Hold on!" he interrupted and exclaimed. "It is not my fault. I thought you were dead! And besides that you had a boyfriend for 3 years. You remember your old life with me, but you also remember whatever life you've had-how the hell do you expect me to just process all this? And not only that but I met my daughter today so I'm still trying to process that. You just have to give me time."

"I'm going back to Miami," she told him. "I just wanted you to know before I left-"

"Well, let me ask you something Juliet," he sighed. "If in fact you are pregnant and if in fact it is mine, what do you expect me to do when you're going to be in Miami."

"I don't know," she shook her head. "I don't know."

She started leaving the porch and he took her by the hand.

"Juliet," he whispered. "I'm sorry."

"So am I," she murmured. She started leaving again and he pulled her toward him. He hesitated and then pressed his lips to hers. She backed away and had tears glinting in her eyes. He cupped her face gently.

"I'm so sorry," he said softly. "I love her. I love her so much."

"I know," she nodded. "I know. James, I can't be mad at you. I know how much you missed her. I know that you didn't stop thinking about her, no matter how happy we seemed to be."

"We were happy Blondie," he told her. "We were."

"But a piece was always missing from you," she whispered. "I knew that you were never actually happy without her, but I pretended it didn't matter because I was sure we'd never see her again. Anyway…I'm gonna go now."

"Juliet," he said, stopping her once more. "When you find out who the father is…let me know. I-if it's mine, I want to do the right thing. Here's my number."

He took her hand and wrote his number down on the palm of her hand. She nodded and sniffled.

"Ok," she gave a half smile and walked back down the front steps.

When Sawyer went back into the house, Kate wasn't there. At least she wasn't downstairs. He went up the stairs quietly. He walked past Aaron's room. Aaron was already in bed asleep. He walked into Kate's bedroom and she was standing at her dresser looking as if she was trying to find something. She was tossing things out of the drawers. Sawyer stepped behind her and caught on of the t-shirts she threw.

"Freckles," he whispered. She stopped and took a deep breath. He knew that she was crying. He walked toward her and put his arms around her from behind. She didn't turn toward him, but she didn't push him away.

"Goodbye?" she said, more questioning it.

"Goodbye?" he repeated.

"Juliet's pregnant," she reiterated. "You're going to do the right thing. You're going to be with her because it's the right thing to do."

"Kate," he said, and turned her toward him. "I don't even know if the baby is mine. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing here or not, but I didn't spend 3 years missing you, just to leave you again. Don't get me wrong…I love Juliet. I care so much about her, but just not the same way that I love you."

"So you're not leaving?" she asked.

"Not until you kick me out," he answered.

She sighed and wrapped her arms around his middle. She rested her head against his chest and he kept his arms around her tightly.

**2 Weeks Later**

It was Clementine's birthday. Sawyer promised her that he would come to the party. Kate was getting Aaron ready to go. They decided that they would stay at a hotel so that they wouldn't have to do too much driving in one day. Sawyer was waiting for Kate on the front porch. His phone rang in his hand.

"Hello?" he said.

"Sawyer are you almost here?!" Clementine exclaimed.

"No," he chuckled. "We actually haven't left the house yet. We'll be there in a few hours."

"Well hurry up!" she exclaimed. "I'm 7!"

"I know," he said. "How's it feel?"

"Good," she stated.

"Well, I'll be there later today," he said. "And your party is tomorrow right?"

"Yeah!" she exclaimed. "Mommy wants to talk to you."

"Ok," he answered.

"Sawyer," Cassidy stated. Sawyer waited for Cassidy to continue before he said anything. "I don't think that you should come today. Just come for the party."

"What?" he asked. "She wants to see Aaron. Aaron is excited to see her. I promised her that we'd be there today."

"Well, I don't think it's a good idea," she said. "Why can't you just-"

"I know that you don't trust me," he replied. "I know you don't like me. But I don't care if you hate me, you're not going to keep me away. I've been away for 6 years. Just give me a chance."

"Why should I?" she asked.

"Cassidy I was on an island for 3 years," he told her. "It's not my fault. I know I don't necessarily deserve a second chance, but can you at least try and give me another chance. I'm trying."

"I thought you were going to write," she whispered.

"It's been 2 weeks!" he yelled. "Look…we're leaving today and we'll be there around dinner time. Besides, I want to give her, her present today."

"What did you get her?" Cassidy asked.

"It's a surprise," Sawyer smirked. The truth was that he had gotten her a puppy. It was the cutest puppy he and Kate had ever seen. Sawyer didn't want to tell Cassidy, because she didn't want her to say no, and if he brought the puppy, she couldn't say no after he already presented it to Clementine. "We'll be there in 6 hours."

"Fine," she murmured. Sawyer snapped the phone shut and shook his head.

"Unbelievable," he whispered. Kate showed up behind him and looked at him.

"Everything ok?" she asked.

"Yeah," he mumbled. "Everything is fine. You ready?"

"We're ready," Kate gave a half smile, still wondering what was wrong.

They drove to New Mexico. Sawyer drove and made sure that he got there in a timely fashion. Aaron always fell asleep in the car. Sawyer was glad of it because when Aaron was sleeping he told Kate what Cassidy had said.

"Cassidy is really hurt," Kate said.

"What do you mean?" Sawyer asked. "She's just still holding a grudge against me."

"No," she whispered. "I mean yeah…ok, she's mad at you and she still holds a grudge, but it's because you hurt her. She loved you so much-"

"Don't make me feel worse," he sighed.

"I'm not trying to make you feel worse," she answered. "I just want to say that she was hurt because she actually did love you. And I think she still does. I don't know if she wants you back or not, but she still loves you."

"I just want to do something right in my life Kate," he sighed. "I don't think I can actually be her daddy, but I want to see her. I want to be in her life."

"What about Juliet's baby?" she whispered.

"What do you mean?" he asked, looking at her.

"Juliet is pregnant right?" Kate asked. "I mean…what are you going to do?"

"I don't know," he murmured. "I lost 6 years with Clementine, Freckles. I don't want to make the same mistake again."

"Whatever you decide-" she whispered.

"If Juliet's baby is mine," he interrupted. "I am going to do whatever I can…but I am not going to leave you. I'm staying in LA. But let's just wait. Get through the next few months."

When Sawyer pulled into the driveway at Cassidy's house, Clementine ran out of the house. He got out of the car and she looked up at him.

"What did you get me?!" she exclaimed. Sawyer went back into the car and got the crate out with the puppy in it. Clementine let out a loud scream. Sawyer turned red, thinking that Clementine was afraid of the puppy.

"He's so cute Sawyer!" Clementine said. She ran toward the cage and looked at it. "A puppy? Can it stay here?"

"Of course," he chuckled. He opened the cage door and the puppy ran out and jumped into Clementine's arms. It started licking Clementine's face. Clementine fell to the ground and giggled uncontrollably.

"What's his name?" Clementine asked.

"You gotta name him," Sawyer answered. Aaron went to the ground too and was petting the dog. Kate and Sawyer watched the kids playing with the puppy. Cassidy walked out of the house with her arms crossed. She looked at her happy daughter, but didn't look happy at all.

"Can I talk to you guys?" Cassidy asked Sawyer and Kate. Sawyer bent down and picked up the puppy's crate and walked into the house after Cassidy. Kate took Aaron by the hand and Clementine picked up the puppy and carried him into the house. Cassidy stood in front of Kate and Sawyer with her arms crossed.

"I really wish you would have asked me first," Cassidy said.

"Sawyer, I thought you were going to ask her," Kate stated.

"Oh, give me a break," Cassidy scoffed. "You knew. I don't really care, because I've been wanting to get her a puppy anyway and I have to admit that he's adorable…but-you should have talked to me about it."

"You're not mad?" Sawyer asked.

"Do you want me to be?" Cassidy retorted.

"No," Sawyer answered. "I guess I just kinda expected that you would be. I mean I didn't do it specifically to piss you off, but I just thought-"

"Sawyer," Kate whispered. "Why don't you just quit while you're ahead?"

Clementine decided to name the puppy Bubbles. It was a white fluffy fur ball. She didn't even want any of her other presents. Sawyer and Kate stayed for a couple hours and then went to the hotel. They came back the next day for the party. It was a short party. All they did was open presents, and eat cake and ice cream. Kate noticed that Sawyer was uncomfortable being with Clementine's family and friends, but she knew that he was trying.

When they left the party Sawyer waved goodbye to Clementine and she ran toward him and jumped into his arms.

"Bye Sawyer," she said.

"Bye," he smiled. Sawyer and Kate decided that they would stay another night at the hotel and then go home in the morning.

That night they were laying in the bed. Aaron was in his own bed next to them. Kate was looking at Sawyer. Sawyer was staring at the ceiling.

"She's smart," Sawyer said, referring to Clementine.

"Yeah," Kate nodded. "She is. She's adorable. And I think she was really happy to get that puppy from you."

"She's-" he began. "She's better off without me Kate."

"You told Cassidy you'd write to her," she said.

"I dunno," he murmured. "Maybe. But I don't know. It's hard."

"Did you think it was going to be easy?" she asked softly.

"I dunno," he shrugged. "I don't know what to do."

**4 Months Later**

Kate and Sawyer had really become more of a family with Aaron. It was getting easier for Sawyer to hang out with Aaron. He read to him, but Kate did too. Kate took care of Aaron more than Sawyer did, but he was learning. He hadn't seen Clementine again, but he did write her a letter. He knew that he should make more of an effort, but his first instinct was right. He only could deal with being in one child's life right now. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he was a father figure for Aaron.

Kate and Sawyer had learned to start sleeping fully clothed. They were sleeping soundly. Sawyer had his arm around Kate's shoulder. Aaron crept into the room and crawled under the covers. He made his way between Kate and Sawyer and pushed Sawyer away from Kate.

"Hey," Sawyer mumbled. "What are you doin'?"

Aaron didn't say anything but he giggled and cuddled against Kate. Kate smiled at Sawyer and then looked down at the blonde boy who looked like he could be Sawyer's son. Sawyer pulled Aaron away from Kate and lifted him into the air. Aaron squealed and laughed.

"More more!" he exclaimed.

"You are getting too heavy," Sawyer told him. The phone rang and Sawyer put Aaron back down and he scrambled back over to Kate and wrapped his arms around her. Sawyer reached over and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" he asked.

"James," she whispered.

"Juliet," he said. "What-hi."

"You don't have to worry," she stated.

"What?" he asked.

"You don't have to worry. It's not yours," she said.

"How do you-" he began.

"There's a new procedure," she interrupted. "I'm still with Derek. So he's with me…and he's the father."

"Ok," he murmured.

"You never have to hear from me again," she said.

"Don't hang up," he said quickly. He didn't hear the click, and he could hear her breathing softly. "Juliet-"

"What?" she asked, somewhat painfully. "What?"

"I-I don't know what to say," he whispered. "I don't want you to think that you have to stay away from me."

"But James," she began. "I'm in Miami. And not only that, but I do have to stay away from you James. I have to stay away because it's just too hard."

"Ok," he murmured. "I love you James," she said. Sawyer didn't have time to say anything before she hung up the phone. He hung up the phone and let out a deep puff of air. Kate didn't say anything. She looked down at Aaron and ran her hand across his hair.

"You wanna know?" he asked.

"If you wanna tell me," she whispered.

"No," he shook his head. "She said there's some new procedure for a paternity test before the baby is born, and she said her boyfriend, Derek is the father."

"You jealous?" she asked.

"No," he answered. "It's just weird. It's weird that she's alive and I feel like I'm never going to see her again. It's just a little…I don't know Freckles. I feel like every time my life starts getting back on track, something else happens. Next thing you know, Jack will end up on our door step begging for you to come back to him."

As soon as he spoke there was a ring at the doorbell. Sawyer looked at Kate and shook his head.

"No way," he said. "Too easy."

He walked down the stairs and opened the door. He had convinced himself that it would be Jack at the door, but instead of Jack, it was the nanny Veronica.

"Oh," he sighed. "Hi Veronica. Here to pick up Aaron?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "You look like you've seen a ghost. You ok?"

"I'm fine," he answered. "I just-never mind. I'm good. Hey Freckles! Veronica is here!"

Aaron bounded down the stairs ahead of Kate. Kate looked at Veronica and hugged her.

"Thanks for taking him," she said.

"No problem," Veronica smiled back. She took Aaron by the hand and disappeared through the door. Kate looked at Sawyer and smiled. "So did you plan all this?" Sawyer asked.

"I just wanted to spend some time alone with you," she said. "Plus, Aaron hasn't spent a lot of time lately with Veronica. He misses her."

"Well I was going to go job hunting today," he told her, wrapping his arms around her waist. "But I guess that can wait till tomorrow."

**A/N: Ok…so I'm going to be bringing Juliet back later, but she will be gone for a while, since she lives in Miami. Jack will be returning soon too. Please please review. **


	13. Chapter 13

**2 Months Later**

Kate was laying in Sawyer's arms. He was twirling her curls around his fingers and then letting it fall again. When his fingers would get tangled in her hair, she noticed, but didn't say anything. Kate loved having her hair touched. She hadn't straightened her hair even once since they had been home. She could leave her hair wild, and natural. She was always slightly quiet after spending the night making love, but tonight she was especially quiet. She hadn't even moved to kiss him again. She wasn't running her hands gingerly over his strong arms. She wasn't even moving at all.

"You ok Freckles?" he asked softly, continuing to play with her hair.

"Yeah," she whispered.

"You sure?" he asked. "You're being quiet."

"I'm fine," she answered, slightly blankly. He moved her away from him and touched her cheek softly.

"I know that something's bugging you," he said. "And I'm just gonna keep picking, till you tell me."

"What would you do if I got pregnant?" she asked softly.

"Trying to tell me something Freckles?" he asked, slightly shocked and moving away again. He stared at her and waited for her to answer. She didn't say anything at first. She just looked at him. He raised his eyebrows waiting for her to answer.

"I'm not pregnant," she said finally. "I was just thinking out loud. Never mind. Forget I said anything."

She turned over and let out a soft breath. She was still naked. She didn't start getting redressed. She laid away from him.

"Kate," he whispered.

"We're fine," she said softly.

"You wanna get dressed?" he asked, handing her, her underwear.

"Nope," she answered and moved closer to him. He chuckled and moved his arms around her. He put his face next to hers and sighed softly.

"You wanna risk staying like this?" he asked. "What about Aaron?"

"I locked the door," she interrupted.

"Freckles," he whispered into her ear. "Are you pregnant?"

"No," she answered quickly. "I'm tired, go to sleep."

"Do you want to be pregnant?" he asked.

"Drop it James, go to bed," she told him.

"Kate, why would you bring it up-" he started. She turned her head toward him and kissed his lips roughly. He moaned and started moving away, but she rolled on top of him to pin him. She kissed him deeply and didn't let him up for a breath. When she backed away they were both out of breath.

"Kate," he started again.

"Is this the only way I can get you to shut up," she said, trying to catch her breath, but then bending back down to kiss him again. He over took her and pinned her down.

"Freckles," he sighed. "You are the one who brought it up. You are the one who started talking about a baby. Just tell me what's going on."

"I didn't-" she gulped and tears came into her eyes. "I didn't get pregnant James."

Sawyer closed his eyes and rolled off of her.

"What are you talking about?" he whispered.

"5 years ago," she said, tears still coming into her eyes, but not daring to fall. "I tried to get pregnant. Well I didn't really try-I stopped taking my birth control-I couldn't get pregnant."

"Freckles," he began.

"And then I didn't get pregnant on the island," she said with a sniffle.

"Sweetheart, did you want to get pregnant?" he asked. "I mean…3 years ago when we were together, we weren't really together, and-"

"Then when I was with Jack," she continued. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I wanted a baby, but he didn't. He thought it would be too much work with Aaron-he didn't want to have a baby with me."

"I don't think that's true," Sawyer whispered. "Who wouldn't want to have a baby with you?"

"You," she scoffed. "Remember…'Yes! It would have been the worst thing in the world. What would we have done with a baby?'"

"Kate," he sighed. "That was then. That was 3 years ago. I don't know what you're trying to say here Freckles, but if you're pregnant, we'll figure it out."

"I'm not," she shook her head. "I just wanted to know what you thought. But it doesn't matter."

"It doesn't matter?" he asked. "Kate, I think right now, I'm still trying to get used to having Aaron around. But if you get pregnant, I'm not going to be mad at you or anything. We'll handle it. Why don't we wait till we're married before we have more kids?"

"That's what Jack said," she whispered. "And the wedding never happened… and we're not even engaged yet."

"Are you afraid that I'm not going to stick around unless you have a baby?" he asked.

"No," she answered. "But what happens if Juliet shows up in a couple months with a bundle in her arms named James Jr."

"What happens if Jack shows up in a couple months begging you to come back to him," he retorted. "Your engagement ring in his hand and telling you that he's all better and he'll never drink another drop of alcohol again?"

"Are you afraid that's going to happen?" she whispered. "Are you afraid that I would choose him over you?"

"Of course I am Kate," Sawyer replied. "He's the elephant in the room. You never talk about him, so I don't know what your feelings of him are, but you made your feelings perfectly clear 3 years ago."

"What are you talking about?" she shook her head. "I think it was you...no I know it was you in that cage with me."

"Right," he scoffed. "And it was Jack that you went back for. When Jack brought Juliet back to camp…your jealousy reared it's head. And it's not that I minded that you would sneak into my tent for a little midnight romp, but just how many times were you wishing that it was Jack's arms around you. You didn't want to stay with me in my tent…couldn't even bring yourself to sleep next to me in my tent Kate. You were ashamed of anything you could have felt for me."

"What-" she began.

"Don't try to talk your way out of it Freckles," he shrugged. "It was 3 years ago…I'm over it…but I can't help but think, the only reason why you spent time with me-"

"Was because the way you made me feel," she interrupted. "You made me feel loved. And I was selfish. I liked the way you made me feel so I didn't care that I could have been hurting you. Do you know how many nights I laid awake when I got home…thinking about how great you made me feel and how I treated you like crap. I felt horrible. I still do. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I made you feel that way. I love you so much James. I've loved you-I've loved you since that night in the cages. Since that night that you made me feel so safe."

"And why are you here with me now?" he asked. "Because you want to help me over the 'death' of Juliet…because Jack isn't here-"

"Shut up," she scoffed. "You're just trying to-"

"Just trying to what?!" he exclaimed. "Kate, I turned her away! I chose you! She's the only person in my entire life to actually make me feel like she loved me, for me…and I know, ok, fine, you love me too, but you never made me feel loved Kate. Sorry but it's true. Juliet-I still don't think you understand what she did for me Kate. She made me open up to her. She made me-I fell in love with her Kate, and I just let her leave. I miss her."

"If you miss her so much, why don't you go-" she began, and then was promptly interrupted.

"Dammit Kate!" he exclaimed. "Just because I miss her doesn't mean I want to be with her! Don't you-don't you miss Jack?"

"Yes," she murmured grudgingly.

"And do you want to get back together with him?" he asked. She didn't say anything at first and a smile came over Sawyer's face. Kate wasn't sure why he was smiling, but his smile widened even more. He even let out a soft chuckle and then flipped over so his back was to her.

"What?" Kate asked. "What are you smiling at?"

"You," he answered. "I guess you and I will just have to wait for Jack to come back and then we'll decide what we're going to do."

"What do you mean?" she scoffed.

"Well Kate," he continued. "Seems to me that you would get back together with him wouldn't you? You're only with me because I'm here. I'm convenient. And in fact I also believe you may be taking a page out of Jack's book, and maybe you're trying to fix me because I was so broken over the prospect of Juliet being dead. Well forget it."

He was angry. Kate could hear the anger in his voice. She was fighting back the tears and flipped over so her back was to him. She was laying in bed wide awake. Every time Sawyer moved Kate would quickly close her eyes to pretend she was sleeping.

She finally went to sleep around 4 o'clock in the morning. But then Sawyer jerked suddenly and woke her up. She rolled over and Sawyer was shaking but not awake. She closed her eyes and put a hand gently on his arm. He jerked again and shot up awake. He breathed in deeply and then quickly left the bed and went into the bathroom. He was trying to hide his tears but she had seen them. She got up out of the bed and ran into the bathroom, before Sawyer could shut the door. She stepped behind him and sat down on the edge of the bathtub. He looked at himself in the mirror and took a deep breath.

"I don't want to fight Kate," he said softly. "Not about Juliet or Jack or a baby. I just want you to talk to me."

"I don't want a baby," she whispered. "But I just thought it would be nice…I always wanted a little girl. I know it's stupid. I-as for Jack. We were together and I loved him, but we never would have lasted. His trust issues were too much for me. I love _you_, James."

**2 Weeks Later**

Sawyer wasn't home. Kate was in the kitchen making Aaron lunch and Aaron was sitting on the kitchen floor playing noisily with his trucks. Kate wanted him to stop but every time she told him to stop, he wouldn't listen. The doorbell rang. Kate nearly tripped over 3 different trucks on her way to the door.

"Aaron," Kate said staying calm. "Pick up your trucks and get to the table, your lunch is ready."

She walked over to the door and opened it. Jack stood in front of her with a slight smile.

"Jack," she whispered.

**A/N: Please Review!!!!**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Thanks so much for the previous reviews. I do update quickly, but only because I like to stay up late and write. I got inspired and I couldn't stop writing, so this chapter is longer.**

"Jack?" Kate asked. "Jack, what-"

"Got off the island about a week ago," he said. "I wanted to stay. But now I'm back."

"Where are you staying?" she asked. "Why did you stay? What are you doing here-I'm sorry this is all just-hey."

"Hey," he let out a soft chuckle. He stepped toward her to hug her, and she took a step back, but then decided a hug wasn't going to hurt anything. She hugged him and he backed away but kept his arms around her.

"I missed you," he whispered. "I stayed because I had to. I needed to figure some things out. And I'm here because I wanted to see you."

"Ok," she nodded, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable, but letting him in the house anyway.

"Where's Aaron?" he asked. "I want to see him."

"Kitchen," she replied. He walked past her and went into the kitchen. Kate knew that Aaron barely remembered him. It had been nearly a year since Aaron had seen him. It had been 7 months since she and Sawyer were back. Kate could hear Aaron and Jack talking. Aaron came into the room and looked at Kate.

"Mommy?" he asked. "Why is he back?"

"I don't know," Kate said moving her gaze from Aaron to Jack.

"I shouldn't have come-" Jack began.

"No," she shook her head. "Jack, I'm glad you did. Aaron can you go upstairs for me?"

"Yes," he groaned and walked up the stairs slowly. Kate walked into the living room. Jack followed her but didn't sit down.

"You can sit," she said, gesturing to the chair next to her. He sat down in the chair initially and stared at her. Then he moved over to sit next to her on the couch. He sat so that their legs were touching. Kate let out a soft breath, and wondered why Jack hadn't asked her any questions about her own life.

"I miss you Kate," he whispered. "I know that I was-I treated you horribly. The things I said to you…you shouldn't forgive me. God everything I put you through-reminding you that you weren't related to Aaron. Kate you have to know that I never would have said that if I was sober."

"Well that's just it," she shrugged. "You weren't. You were high and drunk. And I know you were only trying to hurt me…well it worked."

"Kate I'm so sorry," he said leaning toward her slightly. She backed away and sighed softly. "I've been clean Kate. For 7 months."

"Only because you were on an island Jack," she answered. "How do you expect me to trust you? You didn't trust me…so why should I believe you that you're not going to just go back to your old ways?"

"You shouldn't," he shook his head. "You shouldn't. You're absolutely right. I'm a crappy person. I don't deserve you, I don't deserve anything-"

"Will you stop?" she asked. "Just stop with the games Jack. Stop. If you're sorry…act like it…don't beg me for forgiveness because that's not going to work."

"You're right," he nodded. "You're right. Here."

He pulled out of his pocket a small black box. Kate immediately recognized it. He opened it and her ring was sitting neatly in the box. She had to admit that it was a beautiful ring. She pressed her lips together and looked at him.

"I know you might not be ready to put this back on," he whispered. "But please. Just give me another chance. Let me take care of you. You and Aaron-"

"Jack-" she sighed deeply.

"I know," he nodded. "You need some time."

Jack replaced the ring back in his pocket. He noticed something by the front door and stood up. He bent down and looked at the picture of him and Aaron. He smirked and picked it up. He turned back to Kate, slightly surprised that she still had a picture of him in the house. Kate closed her mouth and looked at it too.

"I didn't want to get rid of it," she told him. "I thought I owed it to Aaron. He remembers you, but mainly because of that picture."

"I'm sorry Kate," he whispered.

"Don't say sorry to me," she answered. Behind the picture of Jack and Aaron was a picture of Kate, Sawyer and Aaron. Aaron was sitting on Kate's lap, but Sawyer was close. Jack sighed and shook his head.

"I guess I should have told you," she replied. "But I didn't really have a chance to."

"I'm an idiot," he scoffed at himself. "I didn't see another car in the driveway, I just assumed you were alone. I should have known. He would have been a fool to stay away from you."

"You told me to be with him," she replied. "I mean back on the island-"

"Back on the island when we all thought that Juliet was dead," he interrupted. "I knew that he needed someone to help him through it. Do you love him?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Well, then I can't do anything about it," he answered. "I guess I just assumed you were alone, since he wasn't home. I guess I should have held on to you when I had the chance. But I just-before I leave-"

He leaned forward and without thinking pressed his lips to hers. She started backing away, but he kissed her deeper. Sawyer came into the house.

"Kate I gotta go to Miam-" he began. "Miami."

He went up the stairs and Kate quickly followed him. He was in the bedroom putting things into a suitcase. She looked at him and shook her head.

"Why are you going to Miami?" she asked.

"Juliet," he answered. "Her sister died. And she doesn't have anyone because apparently a couple weeks her boyfriend…her baby's father left her."

"What?" Kate asked with a gasp.

"Her sister had cancer," he sighed. "She was in remission, but it came back and they couldn't do anything for her."

"Oh my God," she whispered. "Poor Juliet."

"Her jerk of a boyfriend left a week before the baby was born," he sighed. "So she's got this newborn-she just needs me Kate."

"Ok," Kate nodded. "You want me to come too?"

"No," he shook his head. "Why don't you just stay here with Jack."

"James," she sighed and closed her eyes. "He kissed me. I didn't want to kiss him-I didn't want him to kiss me. It just happened."

"Well at least you were pushing him away," he murmured.

"You saw me pushing him away?" she asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I know you didn't want to kiss him. I-"

"So then let me come with you. James, I don't mind," she said. "I mean if you really don't want me to, then I'll stay here, but if you need me to be there-"

"What about Aaron?" he asked.

"I'll call Veronica," she answered. "It's not a big deal."

Sawyer nodded and Kate quickly started packing too. As she packed she called Veronica. Kate went to Aaron's room and told him that she and Sawyer were leaving. He didn't want to go to Veronica's. Sawyer carried the suitcases down the stairs and Kate carried a kicking and screaming Aaron.

"No," he complained. "I want to come mommy. I want to come with you."

"Not this time," Kate said. He clung to her leg and started bawling. Sawyer bent down and looked at Aaron.

"It's just for a few days," Sawyer stated.

"But last time she was gone for a long time!" he exclaimed.

"10 days isn't a long time," Kate replied. "Are you afraid that I won't come back?"

He nodded and frowned. Kate picked him up and hugged him tightly.

"I promise you that I'm coming back," she whispered into his ear. "And I'll call you every day. We gotta go though. We're going to take you to Veronica's."

"Where are you going?" Jack asked.

"Miami," Sawyer answered. "Juliet's sister died."

"I can come too," Jack replied.

"I think that would be too much," Sawyer said. "She doesn't even know I'm bringing Kate."

"Well then I can take care of Aaron," Jack responded.

"Um, no," Kate shook her head.

"Why not?!" he exclaimed.

"He doesn't know you, Jack," Kate answered. "I mean-come on."

"He knows me," Jack replied. "Don't you Aaron? You remember me."

Aaron shrugged and then looked up at Kate.

"He's staying with Veronica," Kate stated. She stepped toward Jack and lowered her voice so that Aaron wouldn't hear. "I know you're his uncle Jack, so you can come see him, but how bout we just let him get used to having you around again, before we leave him with you for the weekend?"

"Fine," Jack replied. He knew that she was right. He wasn't mad. He couldn't be mad. It just stung somewhat that Kate had found a happy and comfortable life with Sawyer. He was supposed to be the one happy with her…not Sawyer.

A few hours later Kate and Sawyer were in the air. The fasten your seatbelts sign turned off and Kate got up. Sawyer looked at her curiously and she looked at him and shook her head.

"I just have to go to the bathroom," she answered. She walked back to the bathrooms and went inside one of them. She had been feeling sick since take off. She threw up and then made one movement to get to the sink. She washed her mouth out and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked slightly pale. There was a soft knock on the door.

"I'm almost done!" she exclaimed.

"Freckles, it's me," Sawyer's voice said.

"Go sit down," she half groaned. "I'll be back in a minute."

She took a few deep breaths and decided she would ask for a soda the next time the flight attendants passed. That would settle her stomach. She swallowed hard and then picked up a mint that was in the basket on the sink. She popped it in her mouth and without sucking on it, she bit down and started chewing it. She felt like it was going to break her teeth, but she had to get the fresh taste of vomit out of her mouth. She opened the door and Sawyer was standing in front of her. He stepped toward her with a smirk and forced her back into the bathroom. Somehow he managed to shut the door and then he kissed her.

"Hmm, what are you doing?" she asked quickly.

"Ever thought about joining the mile high club?" he whispered.

"Sawyer, we're on this flight to visit your devastated ex," she told him. "You're seriously thinking about sex right now?"

"Can't help it Freckles," he whispered. "You looked so hot sitting next to me. Touching your chest. Your heart was beating fast when we took off…I can make it beat faster."

"No," she scoffed and pushed him away. She managed to get out of the bathroom and went quickly back to her seat. She sat down and situated herself.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, as he came back and sat down.

"Nothing," she answered quietly. "What's wrong with you? Wanting us to have sex in the airplane bathroom? Honestly!"

"I just thought it would help take my mind off things," he said softly. "I haven't seen her in 7 months. She had the baby. It's a girl. The baby is a week old. So basically her boyfriend left, and then a week later she had a baby and then another week later her sister dies."

"God," she sighed. "I feel awful."

"She needs me Kate," Sawyer replied. "She was crying so hard I could barely understand a single word she said, except when she said come."

The plane landed and they took a cab to a hotel. He rummaged in the luggage for where he wrote down her address. He looked at Kate and sighed softly.

"I think that the first time I go see her, I should go alone," he told her.

"Ok," she nodded. "You going in the morning?"

"No," he shook his head. "I'm going right now."

"Sawyer it's nearly 10:00 at night."

"I don't care Kate," he replied. "I gotta go. I'll be back later."

He left the hotel room and hailed a taxi. He gave the driver the address and he was taken to the house. When he pulled into the driveway he noticed that it was a small, but cute and quaint house. He got out of the cab and paid the driver. When he walked up the stairs, Juliet opened the door before he got to the doorbell. She looked at him and flung her arms around him. He sighed softly and rubbed her back gently.

"I can't do this," she whispered. She wasn't crying, but he expected that she just didn't have anymore tears left. "I can't do this."

"Yes you can," he told her. "You have to do it for your daughter."

"I named her Michelle," she answered. "Chelly. I never should have called you. God what is wrong with me?!"

"Hey," he shook his head. "Don't you worry about it. You can call me whenever you want. I'm with Kate…but I still got your back."

Juliet let a smile escape her lips.

"What do you need me for?" he asked. "Need a shoulder? Pick one."

She re-wrapped her arms around him and rested her head against his left shoulder. Then she backed away and looked at him.

"Do you want to see her?" she asked.

"Um," he began. "Yeah, sure."

Juliet left the room and then came back with a small pink bundle. She was smiling, with tears in her eyes. He was sure that they were tears because the little girl's father was gone. She walked toward him and handed him the baby, unexpected to him. He looked down at her. She was a beautiful little baby. Sawyer thought she looked a lot like Juliet. He walked across the room, still looking down at the baby and sat down in a chair.

"She's beautiful Jules," he whispered.

"I know," Juliet smiled. "I love her so much. I had no idea-did you bring Kate with you?"

"Actually," he nodded. "Yeah. She wanted to come. She wanted to come for you."

"Go home," she said, taking the baby back. "I mean back to your hotel. The wake is tomorrow and then the funeral is Sunday. But right now…go back to the hotel. Make love to her. You deserve to have a baby. Tell Kate. Have a baby with Kate, so you can feel like I do."

"Juliet-" he began.

"Just go," she whispered. "Love her. Be with her."

Sawyer did as he was told and went back to the hotel. When he opened the door, Kate was sitting propped up in bed, looking as if she had just taken a shower. He let the door shut behind him, and then locked the second lock. She was wearing a light pink nightgown. Her feet were out in front of her and she was reading. He walked over to her and knelt down on the bed. He ran his hand across her neck and leaned in to kiss her. She kissed him back at first and then backed away.

"You slept with her didn't you?" she asked.

"No," he shook his head. "She told me to come back to you. She told me to make love to you and make a baby."

"What?!" she exclaimed. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not saying let's have a baby right now," he whispered. "But…Kate, since I saw you kissing Jack, all I've wanted to do is show you why you should stay with me."

"That I didn't want that kiss. I don't want to be with Jack, I want to be with you," she argued.

"I know," he nodded. "And I believe you…but I just want to show you."

He leaned forward and kissed her again. This time she didn't stop him. She kissed him back and the clothes began to come off.

* * *

Her back was to him, but he had his arms around her and they were laying contentedly. She suddenly got a wave of nausea and pushed him away to get out of bed and run to the bathroom. She shut the door behind her, but he still heard her throwing up. He got out of the bed and stood in front of the door. When she reemerged she looked at him and tried to push past him.

"Do I revolt you that much?" he said with a soft smirk. "Are you pregnant Kate? I mean…I already told you that I wouldn't be mad, but our fight about it was just 2 weeks ago, and 2 weeks ago you weren't…so what's going on?"

"I've been feeling sick since the airplane ride," she answered. "I think it's just from the airplane. Just stress."

"Sure," he nodded. "Well in 9 months you're just gonna tell me that you gained a few right?"

He walked away from her and got into bed. Kate followed him and got into bed in front of him, switching their original placement in the bed. He looked at her and shook his head.

"I told you I didn't care if you were pregnant," he said. "Why are you trying to hide it from me?"

"I'm not pregnant," she insisted. "I'm not. I couldn't get pregnant on an island where the sperm count is heightened…I don't know why I'd get pregnant off the island."

"But yet you've been nauseous lately?" he asked.

"For a day," she answered. "Today I was nauseous…maybe it will go away tomorrow."

The next day Kate snuck into the bathroom before Sawyer woke up. She took her shower and started getting ready to go to the wake. She felt completely fine, which made her breathe a sigh of relief. She didn't need to be sick at the wake. She moved around the hotel room softly. She was about to wake up Sawyer, when she felt as if she might throw up right on him. She ran into the bathroom and this time didn't have time to shut the door. She threw up as quietly as she could. When she stood back up she saw that she had gotten some on her shirt.

"Dammit," she whispered to herself. She started washing it off gently with a washcloth, sitting on the sink. Sawyer woke up and went into the bathroom to take his shower. He found Kate wiping her shirt.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I spilled something," she answered.

"What?" he asked.

"I don't know, I just noticed this stain. I might have to change," she lied expertly. As much as Sawyer could usually see right through her lies, this time he believed her. He got into the shower and Kate watched his silhouette. She hated the feeling of lust she felt every time she saw him naked. But today it was more so than any other time. She left the bathroom quickly and looked in her suitcase for a clean shirt. She changed her shirt quickly and then started doing her hair and make-up. She kept thinking about the baby that could be growing inside of her. She didn't think she was pregnant. She really didn't, but a pregnancy test would make her feel a lot better. She went to the phone and dialed the front desk. She didn't know if they would have anything like that at the front desk, but she decided she would ask anyway.

"Front desk," the cheery woman said on the other line.

"Hi," Kate began. "I'm in room 419. I was just wondering-this is a really weird request, and I don't know if it's even possible-do you have pregnancy tests at the front desk."

"No," the woman laughed. "But we have some in the gift shop. If you don't want to come down, I can send the bellboy up."

"No it's ok," Kate said slightly embarrassed.

"No really," she answered. "We're bored to tears down here. 7:00 am isn't really prime check in…of course you'll have to pay for it…I think they're 20 bucks."

"Ok," Kate replied. "Sure."

"We'll be up in 15 minutes," she said. Kate waited the 15 minutes, and they were there before the 15 minutes were up. She was paying the kid and giving him a tip for his trouble when the bathroom door opened, and Sawyer came out wearing a towel. She quickly shut the door and hid the pregnancy test in her bag.

"Who was that?" he asked.

"Turn down service," she said quickly. "I was telling them to come back."

"Ok," he replied. She went to her bag, but each time she went to it, Sawyer would look at her and she didn't want him to know what she was doing. It was an hour later and they were heading out to a cab. The wake was taking place an hour away. Sawyer was sure there would be bad traffic so they were leaving an 2 hours before the wake. Kate hadn't had a chance to take the pregnancy test. When they got there the idea left her head. She walked in with Sawyer. He reached forward and to take her hand. It was a long day. There was a line to speak with Juliet. A line that was very very long, and that Sawyer and Kate were in the back of. They waited another hour before they got to Juliet. When they walked up to her she was sitting in a chair holding the new born baby. Everyone was apologizing to her for the loses she suffered and then oohing and ahhing at the baby. Sawyer knelt in front of her and squeezed her shoulder.

"Can you take the baby?" she whispered softly.

"Yeah," Sawyer said holding out his arms.

"Kate," she stated. "Kate…will you hold the baby?"

"Dontcha trust me?" he asked.

"With my life," Juliet answered. "I need you to come with me."

Kate took the baby and Juliet stood up and then gestured for Kate to take her spot. Sawyer and Juliet walked down the hall. Juliet held up a finger at the crowed that was still left to greet her. She looked at Sawyer when they were alone.

"Take the baby tonight?" she asked. "Will you just take her tonight? I'm so exhausted. I have to do the stupid eulogy."

"Why don't you have someone do the eulogy?" he whispered. "Sweetheart you shouldn't be the one to go up there."

"I have to go up there," she answered. "But even if I didn't...Just take care of Chelly for me."

"OK," he nodded. "We'll take her."

"Great," she sighed a breath of relief. "I have a bag of stuff for her in the car. I'm have her portable crib too."

Sawyer and Kate stayed for another hour and then Juliet brought them out to her car and gave them all the stuff. A portable crib, a car seat and a bag full of clothes and diapers. Sawyer furrowed his eyebrows.

"Sure she's gonna need all this stuff for just one day?" he asked.

"I just had a bag full of clothes already packed," she shrugged. "I didn't want to have to go through it all to find something for her to wear."

"It's ok," Kate answered slinging the bag over her shoulder and taking the car seat, which was now where Chelly was sleeping contentedly. Juliet sniffled and picked Chelly up.

"Bye honey," she said. "I love you so much."

She put the baby back down and looked at both Sawyer and Kate thankfully. Kate and Sawyer watched as Juliet composed herself and went back up to the house.

"She was acting really weird," Kate said, and looked at Sawyer.

"She's grieving Kate," he defended her. Kate walked over to the car and carefully put the baby in the back seat. She strapped the car seat down and looked down at the baby.

"She's adorable," Kate whispered.

"She is," Sawyer smiled and nodded.

That night Kate went into the bathroom to take the test. She was in the middle of peeing on the stick and she heard the baby screaming and Sawyer groaning.

"Kate!" he exclaimed. She quickly pulled her pants back on and put the pregnancy test down on the sink. She quickly washed her hands and then picked the pregnancy test up. She still had to wait 4 more minutes. She sighed deeply and didn't know where to put it while she waited. She left the bathroom and put the pregnancy test in her bag. She walked over to where Sawyer was trying to calm the baby down.

"She won't settle down," Sawyer groaned. Kate walked over to him and sat down.

"Try the pacifier," she whispered. Sawyer picked up the pacifier and tried to put it in her mouth, but she spit it back out and continued to cry. "Did you check her diaper James?"

"You do it," he said, looking appalled that she would even suggest such a thing. She raised her eyebrows and waited.

"Or you could just let her scream," Kate answered. He knew that she was forcing him to do this for a reason.

"Trying to give me practice?" he asked.

"No," she answered defensively. "But it was you that agreed to take her for the night."

The night didn't go much smoother. Sawyer and Kate took care of the baby all night. Kate didn't have time to go check her own pregnancy test because each time she'd get up, Sawyer would notice. She knew that she should tell him, but she didn't want him to get mad at her for lying. They got up nearly every hour with the week old baby. She was less cute as the night wore on.

The next morning they got up late and had to quickly get dressed and leave the hotel to get to the funeral. It seemed to take forever to get to the funeral. The baby slept most of the time, but she cried too. Sawyer was wondering if even only being a week old, if she knew something was wrong.

They went into the church and waited. The funeral wasn't very long. Juliet was able to hold herself together long enough to do the eulogy. After it was over, Sawyer and Kate made their way to the front of the church. There was a line to talk to Juliet. When Sawyer and Kate got to the front of the church there were a couple of people left and they looked at Sawyer and Kate.

"She said that she needed to leave," a stranger stated. "She couldn't see anyone else. She left."

"What?" Sawyer asked. He quickly pushed his way through the people. He went out the back way and found Juliet, trying desperately to get into her car. He could tell that she was sobbing. He ran toward her and grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Juliet," he whispered. "What are you doing?"

"I can't," she sobbed and wrapped her arms around him. "James, I love you so much. I can't raise our baby without you."

"What do you mean our baby?" he asked into her ear, but didn't stop hugging her.

"She's yours," she answered. "She's yours. I was lying, because I thought it would be easier. Derek found out so he left. Just take her. I can't. I can't."

"Juliet," he sighed. "Juliet, you don't want me and Kate to take your baby away from you."

"I don't want her," she shook her head. "She reminds me too much of you. I can't-"

"Me and Kate are not going to take her," he told her firmly.

"You said you would take responsibility if she was yours!" she screamed. Sawyer sighed heavily and looked at Juliet. She had tears streaming down her face. He looked at her and shook her head.

"I'm sorry Juliet," he said. "But you know damn well that I can't take her."

"Bye James," she whispered. She quickly pushed him away and got into the car. Before he could stop her she sped off. Sawyer was left with his mouth hanging opened. Kate came out of the church carrying the baby carrier. She furrowed her eyebrows and looked at Sawyer.

"Where's Juliet?" Kate asked.

**A/N: Please review!!!!**


	15. Chapter 15

Kate looked at Sawyer, waiting for her answer. He seemed to be stunned into silence. He turned back toward Kate and sighed softly.

"Let's go back to the hotel," he whispered. The cab ride back to the hotel was long. The baby wouldn't stop crying, and Sawyer was staring out the window, with his head resting against it. Kate looked at him to get an answer from him. Kate tried her best to calm the baby down. Finally they arrived back at the hotel. Sawyer and Kate went up to their room. Kate kept asking Sawyer where Juliet went, but he didn't answer. The baby was crying, and Kate sighed deeply. Sawyer however stood up and picked up the baby. Kate was amazed at watching Sawyer with the baby, but she kept her mouth shut and just watched him.

"It's ok," he whispered. "Well get you back to your momma."

"Sawyer, you wanna tell me what's going on?" Kate asked. "I mean you've barely said two words to me since we left the church. Just tell me what's going on."

"Why should I?" he scoffed.

"What?" she said, slightly confused.

"You wanna keep secrets Kate," he started. "That's just fine, but don't expect me to tell you everything."

"Sawyer what-" she began.

"I know that you think your pregnant," he replied. "So you wanna tell me what the result of that pregnancy test is?"

"I-I-um," she stuttered.

"I saw the box in your suitcase yesterday. I saw you going over to your suitcase and then stepping away from it," he said. "You were acting odd, just as much as Juliet was acting odd. So when you were asleep, I went over to the suitcase and I saw the test."

"I-"she sighed. "Erm. Sawyer, I'm sorry. I didn't-I shouldn't have kept it from you, but-"

"But nothing," he shook his head. "You didn't trust me. I don't know if I would trust me either…but since you're not telling me your secret, why should I tell you anything."

"I don't know why I didn't tell you," she whispered softly. "I was scared. I don't-I'm gonna find out right now."

She quickly got up and went to her suitcase. Her heart pounded when she opened the suitcase. She was awaiting the answer. When she looked back at Sawyer holding the little girl, she never wanted anything so much. She knew that Sawyer would do the right thing. She knew that he would be a father for her little one. She pulled out the test, but didn't look at it. She was about to look at it when suddenly Sawyer stopped her.

"Freckles wait!" he exclaimed.

"W-why?" she asked.

"Because," he closed his eyes. He put the baby back down and walked over to her. He went to his own suitcase and pulled out a small box, that Kate recognized as a ring box. He took the pregnancy test out of her hand and put it down, face down. He took her hands in his, with the box still clutched in his hand.

"James," she whispered.

"I bought this for you," he sighed. "I-I was going to wait to give it to you. I was going to wait till the right moment."

"So you were going to ask me while we were on a trip to see your ex?" she whispered.

"No," he rolled his eyes. "I bought it on Friday, when we left. It was in my pants pocket. I hid it in my suitcase so you wouldn't find it. Before you look at that pregnancy test-Ka-Freckles…marry me."

He let go of her hands and opened the box. Kate reached over to pick up the pregnancy test again, but he stopped her and touched her hand.

"I don't want that stupid thing to dictate what your answer is," he whispered. "If you're pregnant, we're both just going to wonder the rest of our lives if we did it just because you were pregnant. So just answer me now and then we'll look at the test together."

"W-what's your secret?" she asked softly, her hands shaking slightly.

"Chelly," he sighed. "She's mine. Juliet just told me before she took off."

"Y'mean she just left her with us?" Kate gasped softly.

"Yeah," he nodded. "But don't worry. I'm gonna fix it. I'm gonna go take the baby back tomorrow. By tomorrow, Juliet will realize that she made a mistake. She's not going to want to just give up her baby. This baby is the only thing she has left."

"So she's yours," Kate whispered.

"Yeah," he answered.

"I thought she looked like you," she half smiled.

"Kate," he said, looking down at the ring in his hand. "You're killing me."

She realized that she hadn't given him her answer yet and she quickly nodded.

"Yes," she answered quickly. "Yes."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and she heard him take a deep breath. He kissed her neck softly and then backed away and took her hand in his. He slipped the ring on her finger, and she smiled at him. She started at the ring and then looked up at him.

"I love you James," she whispered.

"Love you too," he answered. He leaned forward and kissed her lips softly and slowly. She wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. Then she backed away and looked down at the pregnancy test. They both reached for it at the same time. Kate picked it up and they both looked at it. It was blank. Kate took a deep breath and Sawyer put his hand on her shoulder. He knew that she wanted it to be a positive. He had to forcefully pull the blank test from her hand.

"Did you take it right?" he asked.

"I can pee on a stick Sawyer," she said somewhat harshly. She walked over to the bed and climbed in it. When she got Aaron as a baby, he was 2 months old. The baby in the room right now, was 1 week old, so Kate didn't know exactly what to do. She was mad at Sawyer for not telling her right away that she was his baby. And she was almost sure that when Sawyer brought her back to Juliet in the morning, Juliet wouldn't want to take her back.

Sawyer walked over to the bed and got in behind Kate. He kissed her on the cheek and then took her hand that had the ring on it. He intertwined their fingers, and Kate sighed contentedly. She looked at the baby and then looked over at Sawyer.

"Why did Juliet lie?" she whispered. She flipped over toward him.

"I don't know Freckles," he said, playing with a small chunk of her hair. "Maybe she thought it would be easier to let me go if she pretended the baby wasn't mine."

"Do you want her?" she asked softly. "I mean the baby…not Juliet."

"I want to do the right thing," he murmured. "And-I think she should be with her mother. It's not that I don't want to be her dad. I'll take responsibility and do whatever I can…but a little girl needs her mother."

"A little girl needs her father too," she answered, somewhat sadly. He leaned forward slowly and kissed her gently.

"I don't know Freckles," he sighed. "I guess we'll just wait till tomorrow to figure it out ok? Deal?"

"Deal," she nodded.

The next morning, Sawyer went to Juliet's house. Kate came with him. They walked up to the house and Sawyer put the baby down on the porch. He rang the doorbell and waited to hear movement. Kate was looking around for a car. There wasn't a car in the driveway, but Kate thought it might be possible that the car was in the garage.

"Hey!" a voice from across the street exclaimed. "You looking for Juliet?"

"Yeah," Sawyer said, walking toward the woman.

"Wow," she whispered. "You must be Chelly's dad."

"Yeah," he murmured and sighed deeply. "You wanna tell us where Juliet is?"

"I don't know how to tell you this," she started. "Juliet took off last night. She got home last night from her sister's funeral and she drove off. I watched her leave, but she didn't say anything to me, so I have no idea where she went."

Sawyer sighed deeply. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He dialed Juliet's number, but her phone was turned off. Sawyer looked at Kate and sighed softly.

"I think you should go back home," he whispered, touching her cheek softly. "Get back home to Aaron. I'm gonna stick around here and-"

"Don't bother," Juliet's neighbor interrupted. "I saw her load pretty much everything she owns into her car. I don't think she's coming back. I've been trying to call her. She doesn't have her phone on."

"Why would she do this?" Sawyer whispered. "Why would she just leave?"

"She couldn't handle it," the neighbor continued. "Her sister died 4 days ago. She came home and she had this little baby who was only a few days old at that point. She-she said she needed time alone."

"What are we supposed to do?" he sighed. "I don't know nothin', about babies."

"I don't know," the neighbor answered and walked back to her house. Sawyer looked at Kate and sighed deeply.

"What do you want to do Kate?" he asked.

"Whatever you want," Kate replied. "It's up to you. But we can't exactly leave Chelly here on the porch if Juliet's gone."

"I guess," he sighed. "I guess we go home. I'll keep trying to get a hold of Juliet."

"OK," she nodded.

When they got home Veronica and Aaron were at Kate's house. They were walking up the house. Kate was carrying the luggage and Sawyer had the baby. They went into the house and Aaron came running into the hallway.

"Mommy! Da-James!" he exclaimed. Kate put the luggage down and Aaron ran into her arms. She picked him up and hugged him tightly.

"Hey Aaron," Sawyer said softly.

"Who's the baby?' he asked.

"Oh," Sawyer stated. He set the baby carrier down on the floor and then Kate put Aaron down. Aaron knelt down next to the baby and he looked at her. "This is Chelly, Aaron. She's gonna stay here for a little while. Would that be ok?"

"Yeah," he whispered. "She's sleeping."

"Well, babies like to sleep a lot," Sawyer answered. "And I have a question for you Aaron."

"What?" he asked.

"I think I heard you start calling me dad," he replied. Aaron whined softly and turned toward Kate. He hid his face and shook his head. "Hey…Aaron. It's ok."

Kate knelt down in front of Aaron and he frowned.

"Mommy is James gonna leave like Uncle Jack?" Aaron asked.

"No baby," Kate shook her head. "James isn't gonna go anywhere. Look…James gave me a pretty ring."

Kate held out her hand and Aaron continued to frown.

"Jack did too," Aaron said somewhat stubbornly.

"Aaron," Sawyer started. "I know why you're worried. You like when I read to you right? You like hanging out and playing with your toys, and you're scared that I'm gonna disappear the way Jack did."

Aaron nodded.

"Well I'm not gonna go anywhere," he told him. "I'm going to get married to your mom."

"Are you my dad?" he whispered very softly.

Sawyer looked at Kate, and she let out a soft chuckle and looked at Aaron.

"That's enough questions for tonight Aaron," she said. "It's past your bedtime. Let's go."

It took nearly an hour for Kate and Sawyer to get Aaron to stay in bed. Kate went into the attic to dig out the baby monitors that she had kept from when Aaron was a baby. Sawyer set up the portable crib in the spare bedroom. He was holding Chelly against his chest and sighed deeply.

"I'm sorry," he said softly to the baby. Kate walked tentatively in to the room and walked up behind Sawyer. He heard her and turned around. She gave him a weak smile and shook her head.

"Anything I can do?" she asked.

"Make it so that I don't have to do this," he sighed. "Kate, I can't be this little baby's father. I can't."

"You seem to be doing ok," she smiled weakly.

"Why would Juliet just leave her?" he asked. "Who could just leave their child?"

"I did," she murmured.

"You left Aaron for 10 days," he scoffed.

"But I didn't know how long it would be," she replied. "I didn't know if I'd ever see him again. In fact I left thinking I would never see him again."

"It's different Kate," he sighed. "She just left her. She didn't tell us her plans-"

"Because she knew that you wouldn't say no if she already made the decision for you," Kate answered.

"You know what I'm scared of?" he asked.

"Being bad at it?" she tried.

"No," he shook his head. "Well…yes…but-I'm afraid, that I'll love this baby and love being her dad, and then Juliet will come back for her. Or Clementine will find out and wonder why I didn't want to have anything to do with her. God. Kate, what if that happens?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "We'll just have to get through it…together."

"This baby," he sighed. "I can't believe she's mine."

"I can," Kate replied, and went toward him further. "She looks just like you James. She's got your baby blue eyes. Your nose."

"Juliet's smile," he interrupted. "Let's go to bed."

He put the baby down and then left the room quickly. Kate put her hands on the edge of the crib and looked down at the baby. She was jealous. She was jealous because the baby in the crib was Juliet's and Sawyer's. She knew it was stupid to be jealous. She had a ring on her finger to remind her that she shouldn't be jealous, but she was still jealous nonetheless. The ring sparkled, even in the dim light of the room. She sighed softly and looked at the ring. She twisted it on her finger. She was reminded of when the ring Jack gave her was on her finger. It was a larger diamond, and just as pretty. Kate didn't care about the size of her diamond. Kevin's ring had been even bigger than Jack. She smirked slightly and thought that hopefully third time was a charm. She kept a lot from Kevin. Because of her past and her lie about being a fugitive her relationship with Kevin had to end. She knew it would never last anyway. Then of course there was Jack. Her engagement to Jack also ended because she couldn't be honest with him. She kept Sawyer's secret and promise, so therefore her life with Jack had to end. She knew it wasn't her fault that he started drinking or popping pills, but sometimes she blamed herself. Now that she and Sawyer were engaged and not keeping things from each other, she was sure that they would work out.

She went back to the bedroom and Sawyer was laying in the bed, but he wasn't reading as he usually did. She turned off the light and got into bed. He looked at her and pulled her toward him. They looked at each other for a long time. Then Sawyer leaned toward her and kissed her lips gently.

"You want a baby?" he whispered. He kissed her deeply and passionately. Kate let out a soft moan. He backed away slowly to let her answer.

"Seems like we've got one," she answered. "I'm sorry Sawyer. I mean…if you can get a hold of Juliet-it just seems like we have this newborn, who's going to need a lot of attention. Plus Aaron's gonna be jealous and we're going to have to pay attention to him too. I guess it's sort of for the best that the pregnancy test was negative."

"I love you Freckles," he whispered. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," she told him. He leaned toward her again and kissed her. He ran his hand up her shirt and she gasped, but didn't push him away. She sat up and pulled her shirt off. She laid back down and he kissed her, leaning over her. He put her hands above her head and intertwined their fingers. He looked at her left hand and looked at the ring.

"Do you like your ring?" he asked.

"I love it," she answered. "But wasn't it too expensive?"

"No," he shook his head. "I can afford to spoil you."

She smiled at him and then got out from underneath him. He watched her as she moved out of her pajama shorts and underwear. His lips touched hers, and then the baby in the other room started crying. Sawyer grumbled and looked down at her.

"That's the reason not to have a baby," he told her. He got out of the bed and went to the baby's room. Kate stayed in the bed and pulled the covers over her. Sawyer came back a few minutes later, and got into the bed. Kate was twiddling her thumbs, waiting for him to come back. He got into the bed, and put his arms around her. Without a word he went back to kissing her.

* * *

She was sleeping soundly. He was watching her sleep. He had been planning to propose for a while. He didn't want anyone else in his life, but he couldn't help but have his mind wander to Juliet. He thought about why she left Chelly with them. He thought about what could have happened if they had never left the island. What would have happened if Kate and Jack had never come back to the island set the time right. It was pointless to think about all the what ifs…but he still wondered why Juliet would leave the baby with him. He decided that he would write a letter to Clementine tomorrow. He would probably see her soon, if Kate wanted to go, but part of him thought that the reason Kate spent so much time with Cassidy before was so she could still have a small piece of him. She didn't ever seem to show any desire to go spend the day with Cassidy and Clementine. He thought about Clementine and about Chelly. He knew as soon as Juliet put the baby into his arms, that he had some sort of connection to her, but he thought that it was only because it was Juliet's baby.

The baby started crying again, and Sawyer got up to go tend to her. Kate stirred but didn't wake up. He had been attentive to Aaron, but not as much as he should be. He decided that he would have to take his responsibility to Chelly. He would start in the morning by trying to call Juliet once more, and then going shopping for baby stuff.

**A/N: Ok...so the last chapter didn't get as many reviews as I would have liked. I will probably update after the weekend...on Sunday or Monday, depending on reviews. Please send me love :)**


	16. Chapter 16

When Kate woke up the bed was empty and cold. She wasn't sure what time Sawyer got up, but he hadn't been in the bed next to her for a while. She got up and stretched. She walked into the hallway and heard hushed voices. Then she heard the sound that always made her happy; Aaron's laughter. She smiled to herself and headed to Aaron's bedroom. Sawyer was sitting on the ground with Aaron sitting next to him. Aaron was holding the baby. Sawyer was helping him and the baby looked slightly in distress, but she wasn't crying.

"Mommy look!" Aaron exclaimed. Kate smiled, but didn't say anything. She knelt down next to Aaron and ran her hand across his head. "I'm holding a baby."

"Yeah," Kate whispered. "It looks like she likes you."

"Kate-" Sawyer sighed. "I gotta go make a phone call, can you-"

"Of course," she nodded. Sawyer left the room and went into the bedroom. He picked up his phone and dialed Juliet. He sighed softly as the phone went directly to voicemail. He knew there was probably no point to leaving her a message, but he decided to anyway.

"Juliet," Sawyer sighed. "It's me. I really need to talk to you. Just…look, I know this is hard, but just call me. Chelly needs you. Bye."

He let out another deep breath and sat down on the bed. He put his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted from waking up every hour with the baby. But he didn't care about that. He just wanted to know what Juliet was doing, and why she left the baby. He could hear Kate chuckling and Aaron laughing. He stood up and walked back down the hall. Kate was now holding the baby. She was looking down at the baby in awe. Sawyer stepped into the room and sat down next to Kate. Aaron looked at him and frowned slightly.

"You wanna sit on my lap?" Sawyer half murmured, but smiled weakly. Aaron immediately beamed and crawled onto Sawyer's lap. Kate still hadn't looked up from the baby.

"You are such a sweetheart," Kate said softly to the baby.

"Kate?" Sawyer asked. It was almost as if Kate had gone deaf. She still didn't look up from the baby. Chelly started crying.

"Oh," Kate began. "It's ok baby. It's alright."

She held Chelly closer to her and rubbed her back.

"Kate," Sawyer said again. "Freckles. Earth to Kate!"

"Huh?" she asked and looked at him finally.

"Kate," he said. "What's going on? What are you doing?"

"I'm just looking at this baby," she whispered. "She's so beautiful Sawyer. She's yours."

She quickly, but carefully handed him the baby and ran from the room. Sawyer looked at Aaron, who was looking very confused.

"Is mommy mad?" he asked.

"I don't think so Aaron," he sighed.

"I'm hungry, can we have breakfast?" Aaron asked.

"Yeah," Sawyer sighed. "I'm gonna go find your mom though and see if she wants to eat too."

"OK," he murmured. Sawyer got up, with some difficulty since he was still holding the baby. He went into the baby's room to put her down. He walked into the bedroom and found Kate getting dressed. She was walking back to the dresser, and then sat down on the bed to put her pants on. She looked up at Sawyer and smiled weakly, but didn't say anything.

"I'm gonna go make breakfast for Aaron," he said softly. "Do you want any-"

"I'm not hungry," she interrupted. "But I'll be down in a little bit."

"I-urhm. I'm gonna go-" he stuttered. "Do you have any of Aaron's old stuff? Crib? High chair?"

"No," she murmured. "I got rid of it-I didn't think I'd ever have to use it again."

"Well," he sighed. "I guess I should go get some stuff then-Kate are you ok?"

Sawyer interrupted himself, noticing that Kate was fighting back tears. She nodded and then looked away from him. He sat down next to her.

"I'm fine-" she started. They both heard the baby crying. Sawyer looked up and sighed softly.

"You sure-" he began.

"Go," she shooed him. "Take care of your daughter…make breakfast for Aaron."

"Hey," he whispered. "Come 'ere."

He pulled her face toward him and kissed her lips softly and slowly. He had one hand resting on her cheek, and the other touched her leg. Kate kept both arms to her side at first, but then wrapped her arms around his neck. She sighed into his mouth and deepened the kiss. The baby was still crying, and they both stopped at the same time. Sawyer ran his hand gently across Kate's cheek. She closed her eyes and then opened them.

"I'm fine James," she whispered. "Go ahead."

Sawyer sighed deeply. He wanted to stay with Kate, but she had gotten up again and the baby was crying harder. He got up and walked into the baby's room. He picked her up and she immediately stopped crying. He looked at her slightly in awe and sighed again.

"You hate me dontcha," he murmured. "Perfectly content as long as someone's holding you."

He walked down the stairs and carried the baby carrier down the stairs. He put it up on the counter and looked at Aaron who was sitting at the table, waiting.

"So what do you want for breakfast?" Sawyer asked.

"Pancakes and eggs and bacon and sausage," he replied.

"Well let me just get right on that," he said sarcastically, but went to the cupboard to find the pancake mix. He started making breakfast. When he put the baby back down she started crying again. He kept looking over at her, but didn't pick her back up.

"She's loud," Aaron said, covering his ears. When Kate came down to the kitchen Sawyer was putting a plate of food in front of Aaron.

"One pancake, one egg, some bacon and sausage," Sawyer listed off. He looked up at Kate, who was smiling weakly. Aaron chuckled at Sawyer and started eating.

"Aaron, what do you say?" Kate asked, sitting down across from him.

"Thank you," he mumbled. Sawyer walked back over to where the baby was still crying. He picked her up and then walked over to the bag that Juliet had left with them. There was a small amount of formula left. He looked at Kate when he started feeding Chelly.

"Kate," Sawyer whispered. "Do you want to feed her?"

"No," she answered softly. Sawyer sighed deeply again and looked down at the baby. He looked at Aaron. Breakfast was mostly silent, except the scraping of silverware

Sawyer was getting ready to leave so that he could go and get all the baby stuff they would need. He walked over to Kate, who was sitting in the family room by herself.

"I'm gonna get going," he sighed. "Is it ok if I leave Chelly?"

"Yeah," she answered. "Of course."

When Sawyer got home he started setting up the crib. He was sitting in a sea of different parts and staring at the ceiling.

"Y'know what Juliet," he sighed. "This really sucks."

Kate walked into the room to help him. They helped each other in silence. Sawyer couldn't stand that Kate wasn't telling him what was wrong, but he couldn't force her to answer him. Soon the silence was broken by each of them. They were helping each other, but every time Sawyer would get frustrated and swear, Kate would chuckle softly. Soon they were done. Kate was sitting on the ground admiring their handiwork.

"We did a good job, if I do say so myself. Do you think Chelly will like it?" Kate smirked.

"I think that Chelly will just be happy to be sleeping in a real crib, rather than that portable crib," he replied. Sawyer walked out of the room and came back carrying Chelly, who was sleeping soundly. He carefully lowered her down into the crib, and she didn't stir. Sawyer looked down at her and Kate left the room. Sawyer followed her and grabbed her by the arm before she went down the stairs.

"What?" she asked softly.

"You ready to tell me what's going on?" he asked.

"Nothing," she answered quickly. "I'm fine. I'm gonna go get dinner started."

"Kate-" he started.

"James, I'm fine," she repeated. She walked down the stairs and Sawyer let out a deep breath. He went back into the bedroom to get the baby monitor so that he could hear if Chelly woke up. He went downstairs and sat down at the island to watch Kate make dinner. He set the baby monitor down and Kate was staring at it as she chopped vegetables. She looked almost mad.

"Kate, are you sure that you're ok with this?" he asked softly.

"With what?" she said.

"With Chelly staying here," he answered. "I mean, technically this is your house. If you don't want-"

"Sawyer she's your daughter," she interrupted. "I don't think I really have a choice in the matter. I want you here, so I get Chelly too. It's no big deal James."

"If you say so."

That night they were laying in the dark, and in silence. The only sounds were the soft breathing coming from the baby monitor. Sawyer realized that the volume was turned all the way up, so he turned it down a few notches so that the breathing quite so loud.

"Goodnight Freckles," he whispered and kissed her gently and quickly on the lips. He rolled back over, presumably to go to sleep. Kate wrapped her arms around him and kissed his back and shoulder. She leaned over him and kissed his cheek, and then his lips. He got the idea and flipped toward her to kiss her back.

"James," she said softly. He moved over her so he was on top. He kissed her fully, barely letting her up for a breath, but she didn't mind. She moved her mouth to his neck and chest. He mimicked her movements. They stayed quiet, except for their soft breaths, and every so often one of them would let the other's name escape softly.

* * *

Kate was curled up like a ball next to Sawyer, but she was still awake. One of his arms was around her shoulders, and she felt completely safe. Sawyer noticed that the baby was crying, but he didn't want to move. Kate didn't either, but she let out a soft moan and looked up at Sawyer.

"You want me to go?" she asked softly. He didn't answer, but she got up anyway, and quickly pulled on her clothes. She was only gone a few minutes and when she came back she took her spot, but this time instead of curling up next to him, she kissed him. He kissed her back and let out a low moan of approval. He started backing away, but she kept their lips touching. Neither of them started getting undressed again, but they laid their kissing and running their hands up and down each other. Suddenly, Sawyer felt that Kate's cheeks were wet and her kisses had become more frantic and she was trying to gulp down breaths.

"Freckles," he whispered.

"I'm sorry," she breathed and started moving away. Sawyer stopped her and put his hands on her cheeks. He rubbed her cheeks with his thumbs to wipe the tears away, but even after the tears were gone, he continued the soft, soothing wiping motion.

"You wanna tell me what's wrong yet?" he asked.

"You have two daughters," she answered. "These two beautiful daughters. And I know that we didn't exactly plan for me to get pregnant, but I really wanted to be Sawyer. And I could tell that you were relieved that you didn't have to deal with it. Believe me…Clementine and Chelly…they're great. I love them because they're part of you, but-how come it's ok for you to have a baby with Cassidy and a baby with Juliet, but not one with me? I mean you claim to love me so much, wouldn't you want a baby."

"Hey," he said softly and not raising his voice in the least. "I told you that we could have a baby-"

"No you said 'we'd handle it'," she answered, this time beginning to sob slightly. "I just want my own baby. A baby-a baby created from our love James. I just feel like I'm never going to be a mother."

"Freckles," he whispered and swallowed hard. "You are a mother. You're a mother to Aaron. And it doesn't matter about blood relation-"

"No," she shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Because I love him so much…you're right about that. But I still just-I want our baby James. And Chelly is an adorable little baby, and I will do my best to be the best substitute mom she could have, but-"

"You want your own," he interrupted.

"Yeah," she nodded. "And it's not like I'm getting any younger. I know that Chelly is only a week old, but-"

"You want to start having babies now," he interrupted again.

"As soon as we get married," she sobbed. "And that just makes things worse."

"What?" he asked, this time concerned as to why she started crying even harder now.

"I feel like we're never going to get married now," she answered. "I mean you-we have this new baby to worry about and…what if the wedding never happens?

"Freckles," he shook his head. "Freckles…I'm gonna marry you. We're gonna get married and we'll have 9 kids if it'll make you happy. The only thing I care about is being with you. We'll go get married tomorrow if you want. We'll elope and then go to some seedy motel room where I can knock you up."

Kate sobbed again, but this time their was a laugh masked in between the sobs.

When Kate woke up in the morning she was naked again. She barely remembered the second part of her night. She remembered getting up with the baby and she remembered crying about not having a baby of her own, but she couldn't remember what she had said to Sawyer. She remembered being so upset that she couldn't control the words that came out of her mouth. She also remembered Sawyer telling her they could elope, and the next thing she knew, she was stripped down to nothingness and they were making love for a second time that night. She could hear Sawyer's voice, and it was close. She wrapped the sheet around her and rolled over. Sawyer was standing by the window, talking just above a whisper, but obviously mad about something.

"I can't believe you turned your phone off!" he exclaimed in a whisper. "Juliet, you can't just drop your baby with me and Kate…ok, our baby…yes I know…I know you're hurting Juliet, but did you think getting rid of the baby would make you feel better…no I'm not trying to make you feel worse, you know that…she's been getting up a lot during the night, she's a newborn…I don't know what I'm doing, and as much as I love Kate, she didn't get Aaron till he was a little older than a week old…yes I still love her…we're getting married…I don't know, we haven't set a date…probably not Juliet, why would we invite you, when you won't even tell me where you are?…come get your daughter Juliet…me and Kate, we have enough issues--Yes I want to take responsibility! I just didn't expect you to give me full responsibility. You know what I gotta go."

He shut his phone and saw that Kate probably heard most of the conversation. She stood up, keeping the sheet around her body. Her hair was wildly messy, probably from the two times in a row of making love. He reached forward and raked his fingers through her hair, although, it wasn't very easy since it was so knotted with her curls.

"Heard my conversation huh?" he asked.

"Finally found Juliet?" she retorted.

"Well found is a relative term," he replied. "She finally turned her phone on…I have no clue where she is…she wouldn't tell me."

"Is she coming back to get Chelly?" she asked softly.

"I don't think so Freckles," he sighed and ran his hands down her arms. He frowned and looked sad. She wasn't sure if he was sad about Juliet or about the fact that his daughter wasn't going to know her mother.

"Hey," she whispered. She wrapped her arms around him and took a deep breath. He hadn't taken a shower yet, and he smelled like them. She always enjoyed laying in his arms. It was something she never really did with Jack. They loved each other, sure, but they weren't big into cuddling. Kate didn't mind not cuddling with Jack, but she had realized how much she missed it with Sawyer.

"I was serious you know?" he said into her hair.

"Serious about what?" she asked softly, still holding on to him tightly.

"Getting married soon," he whispered. "I mean…I guess if you wanna have the whole big wedding thing, it would be alright, but why not just go down to the courthouse today? We can get our marriage license and just do a real quick wedding. It's not like either of us have parents that would want to be there. Or do you want the whole white dress and big reception thing?"

"I already had the white dress, big reception thing," she answered. "And it didn't exactly work out."

"So you and Jack actually got married?" he asked softly and finally backed away from the hug.

"No," she shook her head. "My first fiancée. My first and only wedding."

"So what do you say?" he whispered. "Let's just go to the courthouse and get married. We can do it in a couple hours."

"I say," she smiled and danced slightly on the balls of her feet. "When do you wanna leave?"

He smiled too and rewrapped his arms around her. He lifted her off the ground and kissed her softly. Kate let out a soft giggle and then backed away and shook her head.

"We're crazy," she whispered.

"Maybe," he shrugged. "Who cares? Let's go right now."

"I want to wear a dress," she said. "I want to look pretty."

"Sweetheart, you could just wear this sheet, and leave your hair just like that and still be gorgeous," he told her.

"Always were the sweet talker James," she whispered and then kissed his lips. "But I still want to wear a dress and get showered."

A couple hours later they were both dressed. Kate talked Sawyer into wearing a nice pair of pants and a nice shirt. She wore a knee length green dress that made her eyes look even greener. They were getting the kids ready. Kate asked Sawyer if they should wait till Clementine could be there too, but he said he didn't want to wait. Kate also felt like since it wasn't really a big wedding anyway, Clementine wouldn't care too much. They would have to have a party and invite Clementine.

"Freckles come on!" Sawyer exclaimed. "I'm sure your hair looks fine-"

He stopped mid sentence as Kate came running down the stairs carrying her shoes. When she got to the bottom of the staircase she stood on one foot to slip her first shoe on, and then the other. Sawyer was still completely quiet. She looked up from getting her shoes on and looked at him.

"What?" she breathed, slightly out of breath from running down the stairs.

"You," he began. "Freckles, you look-"

He didn't finish his sentence, and Kate chuckled softly. She had pinned her hair up off her neck. It was still very curly, but the curls were off her neck. She smiled at him and walked toward him.

"You ready to go?" she asked.

"Uh-" he began, slightly distracted. "Yeah."

He picked up the baby carrier and went out the house with Aaron trailing him closely. Kate stepped out of the house and turned around to lock the door.

"Jack," Sawyer said softly. Kate spun around and looked at Jack. Jack was coming up the steps. He looked at Kate in her dress and smiled.

"You look pretty Kate," he whispered.

"Thanks," she said quietly. She turned back to the door knob and finished locking it.

"Where are you guys headed?" he asked.

"To the courthouse," Sawyer replied, somewhat condescendingly. "We're getting married."

"What?" Jack asked. "No. Kate…no…don't. Please. Don't marry him."

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Please please review. **


	17. Chapter 17

"What?" Sawyer asked. "Come on Freckles, he's crazy."

"I'm sorry Jack," Kate whispered and started leaving the porch. Jack grabbed a hold of her arm and pulled her back toward him, not roughly.

"Hey!" Sawyer exclaimed. "Get your hands off of her."

Jack looked at Sawyer and then let go of Kate's arm. Chelly started crying. Kate instinctively looked down at her, but Sawyer was carrying the baby to the car, with Aaron walking behind him. Kate watched Sawyer put the baby's car seat in the car and struggle to figure out how to strap it in. She smiled weakly at the scene, and then saw Sawyer reading the directions on the side of the car seat.

"Did you have a baby?" Jack asked, noticing the new addition.

"Did I look pregnant when you saw me 3 days ago?" she asked.

"You could have already had it," he said.

"And leaving a newborn baby to go visit Juliet would have made sense?" she retorted. 'It's Juliet's baby...Juliet's and Sawyer's...don't ask me how because I don't have a clue. But she's not mine."

"I don't know Kate, it was just a question, you don't have to bite my head off," he answered.

"I know," she whispered. "I'm sorry-no…I don't have to apologize Jack. You're telling me not to marry Sawyer!"

"How did you expect me to act Kate?" he asked. "_We _were supposed to get married Kate. _Us_…not you and Sawyer. How did you think I'd react?"

"I guess I had a small glimmer of hope that maybe…maybe you'd be happy for us."

"How can I be happy for you, when I'm miserable?" he whispered.

"Jack," she said softly and looked upwards to blink the tears that began to form in her eyes.

"Is he really that much better than me?" he asked.

"Jack, that's not fair," she shook her head. "It's not-it's not about him being better than you Jack. It's about the fact that I'm in love with him. Don't you want what's best for me?"

"I know this is going to sound selfish," he began. "But what about me? Don't I deserve to be happy too?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "You deserve happiness too Jack. You do. And I can't make you happy Jack. Don't you remember? We weren't happy. We fell apart-"

"We fell apart because of him," Jack said softly.

"We fell apart because of us," she responded. "Sawyer wasn't even there…he had nothing to do with it. It was because you were drunk and-"

"Remember what I said about Sun and Jin…3 years ago?" he asked.

"No," she whispered.

"You know it's over when the lies start," he said.

"Ok," she nodded. "Fine. I lied to you about my promise to Sawyer, but that wasn't his fault. It was my own fault. And I love him."

"You haven't even been together a year and you're going to get married?" he asked.

"We weren't together for 3 months before you proposed," she reminded him. "Sawyer and I have been together for 7 months. But I've been in love with him for 3 years."

Sawyer was standing on the front walk, and he smiled at her when she said that. Kate couldn't help but smile back, since his smile was so contagious.

"I win," Sawyer said.

"James," Kate sighed. Before Kate could say something else, Jack stepped off the porch toward Sawyer. Kate tried to grab his arm and stop him, but Jack grabbed Sawyer by the shirt. Sawyer shoved him away and Jack stumbled backwards. Sawyer stepped toward Jack, but Kate stepped between them.

"Don't," she whispered at Sawyer and put her hands on his face. "Don't. You don't have to fight for me James."

Sawyer looked at Jack and then back at Kate and sighed.

"Come on Freckles," Sawyer said, holding out his hand. Kate looked back at Jack who was standing, slightly upset.

"Ok," he shrugged. "I give up. I'll stay away. You'll never have to-"

"Jack, I know that you aren't going to like what I'm going to say, but I'm going to say it anyway-and don't interrupt," she began, anticipating Jack's interrupting. "I want us to be friends. I remember 3 years ago when we first met…you and I were friends Jack. I liked being your friend. You were-you are a good person Jack. I miss our friendship. And Aaron needs his uncle. You can come see him whenever you want. Come see me whenever you want."

"I'm sorry Kate," he shrugged. "I can't."

He pushed past Kate and went back to his car. Kate stayed facing away from Jack. She carefully wiped under her eyes, trying not to smear her mascara. Jack sped off, and Kate turned around. She watched Jack's car disappear around the corner, with her arms wrapped around herself, almost as if she was cold, even though it was a warm summer day.

"Hey," Sawyer whispered. He reached out his hand for her to take. She looked at him and smiled weakly. They walked back to the car and got in. Kate looked at herself in the mirror to fix her makeup. She looked back at the kids. Chelly was sleeping and Aaron was looking at her silently. Kate looked back at Sawyer, who hadn't turned the car on.

"Are we leaving?" she asked.

"I don't know," he murmured. "You having second thoughts?"

"No," she shook her head. "What makes you think that?"

"Well," he sighed. "That look on your face…your reaction to Jack-"

"James, I want to marry you," she told him. "I want to get married. You're right…you win. You win James."

"Then why did you get all pissed-" he started.

"Just because you won," she began with a soft smile. "Doesn't mean you should gloat to Jack."

Sawyer turned the car on and they drove to the courthouse. On the way there Kate was hiding something from Sawyer, but he knew she was writing down something. He could only guess what she was writing, but he tried not to pay attention to it. When they went inside they had to sign a bunch of forms. Kate looked up from her portion of the marriage license and smiled at Sawyer. He smiled back. Sawyer reached out and took her left hand in his. They walked to the front and handed their marriage licenses to the judge.

"Do you have a witness?" the judge asked.

"We have two," Sawyer replied. He looked over at where Aaron was sitting with Chelly. He was waving a toy in front of her face to calm her down, but it didn't seem to be calming her down at all.

"Sir the witness has to be over the age of 18," the judge responded.

"It was a joke," Sawyer answered.

"Oh," the judge nodded. He got up to leave the room. "Well you need a witness then…I'll be right back."

"Damn, we shoulda kept Jack with us," Sawyer said. "We coulda used him as a witness."

"James," she whispered and shook her head. "I called Veronica."

"What?" he asked.

"Veronica should be here any minute," she said. "That's why I was upstairs when you were waiting for me. I mean…yeah I was looking in the mirror too, but I called Veronica to come get the kids. If you think I'm gonna spend my wedding night with a 4 year old and a 2 week old down the hall…you're crazy."

"Kate," he whispered. "Did you write down vows?"

"What?" she asked.

"Did you write vows on the way here?" he asked. "I saw you writing something."

"You caught me," she nodded. She went over to her purse and pulled out the piece of paper. Sawyer went to grab it, but she moved it out of the way of his hand. "Nuh uh. It's a surprise."

"That's not fair," he shook his head. "I didn't write anything."

"Veronica!" Aaron exclaimed as Veronica came into the room. Veronica smiled at him and picked him up.

"Hey buddy," she whispered. "How are you?"

"Good," he smiled. "Look."

Aaron pointed down at Chelly and Veronica put Aaron down. Sawyer and Kate walked toward them. Veronica looked at them and beamed.

"She's beautiful Sawyer," Veronica said, somewhat awkwardly. Sawyer bent down and picked the baby up carefully. He looked at the baby and then at Veronica. She hesitated before taking the baby from him.

"She likes to be held," Sawyer told her. "She eats about every 3 hours. She-well, I'm sure you can figure it out."

"Yeah," Veronica nodded. "And it's only for a night."

The judge returned and Kate and Sawyer stepped to the front. She held on to his hand tightly.

"Did you guys write your own vows?" the judge asked.

"I did," Kate answered.

"Cheater," Sawyer murmured quietly. She turned toward him and took his other hand in hers. She smiled at him.

"I love you," she mouthed.

"I love you too," he said softly.

"Ok," the judge began. "Well since, James doesn't have any vows written, I guess Katherine can say hers."

"Kate," Kate corrected him.

"Freckles," Sawyer challenged. She rolled her eyes and smirked.

"Mommy can we leave yet," Aaron whined. "I'm bored."

Veronica shushed him quietly and Kate let out a soft laugh.

"The first time I saw you," she began. "You were smoking a cigarette by the airplane. Second time…you were in a fight with Sayid. I thought you were some belligerent jerk-"

"Call me a jerk in your vows," he interrupted. "That's real good."

"Shut up," she scoffed. "Let me finish. You were a jerk when we first met…but then-then I realized you had a reason for your actions. You had a damn good reason. You became someone who I could actually relate to. I fell completely in love with you James. I fought it. I fought it hard. I didn't-I didn't want to love you, but I can't help it. I love you."

"Love you too," he whispered.

"I'm done," Kate sniffled.

"Is there anything you'd like to say James?" the judge said.

"Well," he sighed. "I would like to think if I had the chance, I would have written something really…great. But to be honest…I'm not all that good with words. And I think actions speak louder anyway."

He pulled her toward him and kissed her. She backed away and smiled at him.

"Do you guys have rings?" he asked.

"No," Sawyer shook his head.

"Ok, well you signed the papers, and all that's left is for the witness to come forward and sign."

Veronica stood up and signed the paper. She pushed the paper toward the judge and he smiled and nodded.

"You're married," he said. Kate smiled wider and Sawyer pulled her quickly toward him. He kissed her more passionately and then backed away. Kate and Sawyer both walked toward Aaron and Chelly. Kate picked up Aaron and he looked at her.

"Momma why are you crying?" he asked. Sawyer looked at her and ran his had over her cheek. "You sad momma?"

"No," she sniffled and chuckled. "I'm happy. These are happy tears. Honey, you're going to go home to our house with Veronica, and me and James will see you in the morning."

"Is James my daddy _now_?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Kate asked.

"I want a daddy," he frowned.

"Do you want to call me daddy?" Sawyer asked softly.

"Yeah," Aaron whispered. Sawyer took Aaron from Kate's arms and took a deep breath.

"You can," Sawyer said.

They both said goodbye to the kids and to Veronica. Sawyer and Kate went out to dinner to celebrate. Then they went to a hotel. They walked into the lobby, and Sawyer kept grabbing her hand. They got to the front desk and the desk clerk smiled at them.

"We would like a room for a night," Sawyer said.

"Ok," she continued smiling. "I just need to check something in the computer. And I'm gonna need your credit card."

Sawyer handed her the credit card, and they waited. Kate couldn't help but to wrap her arms around his waist. She rested her chin on his shoulder. The woman typed into the computer silently, but she kept looking up at them. Kate was sure that the woman was checking out Sawyer. Since Sawyer didn't have a wedding ring on, she didn't know that he was already taken.

"Are you two here for any special reason?" the clerk asked.

"Actually," Sawyer said, turning toward Kate. "We just got married."

"Oh," she said. "Well congratulations."

"Thanks," Sawyer smiled and turned back to the desk clerk.

"Here's your key. Room 109."

"Thanks," Sawyer said again and took the key from her.

"Have a pleasant night Mr. and Mrs. Ford," she answered. Kate turned toward Sawyer and put her hands against his.

"I like that," Kate whispered. "Mr. and Mrs. Ford. It's got a ring to it."

He kissed her softly and quickly and then grabbed the key from her that she was trying to take.

"Race ya." He ran up the stairs, and Kate followed, but she stopped at the elevator. By the time Kate got to the room, Sawyer was waiting in the doorway.

"If you thought I was going to run up the stairs in my heels-" she started.

"Do us both a favor and stop talking," he whispered, and pulled her into the room. He kissed her and started unbuttoning his shirt. She helped him take it off. He lifted her dress up over her head quickly. She chuckled and they fell against the bed.

* * *

It was an hour later. Kate was running her fingers through his hair. There was a knock on the door. Kate looked at Sawyer with furrowed eyebrows.

"I'll get it," he whispered. "I just have to find my boxers."

He went to the door, and Kate could hear him talking quietly. He came back and he was holding a bottle of champagne.

"So the girl at the front desk sent this up," he told her. "The hotel wanted to tell us congratulations."

"That's sweet," she smiled. He poured to glasses and handed her one.

"What should we toast to?" he asked.

"To," she began. "Us."

He kissed her before they toasted. They both drank their flutes of champagne and Kate leaned toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I love you Katherine Austen," he whispered.

"Not my name anymore," she shook her head. "It's Katherine Ford."

"Well Katherine Ford," he said with a smirk, and she chuckled. "What do you say about you and me-"

Before he finished his sentence, he leaned forward and kissed her lips softly and slowly. She rolled them over so she was on top of him. She stopped kissing him and just stayed on top of him.

"What are you doing?" he chuckled.

"Laying," she whispered. "I'm tired. Wake me up later."

"I'm gonna hold you to that Freckles," he said flipping them back over so Kate was laying next to him, instead of on top of him. He looked at her and made sure that she was covered. He put his arms around her and looked at her.

"I have butterflies in my stomach," she whispered.

"You sure it's not that I already knocked you up?" he asked, smugly. She shook her head and smiled at him.

"No," she answered. "You just make my heart race."

He put his hand on the back of her head and pulled her toward him. He kissed her softly, without using his tongue. He put his hand against her chest to feel her heart.

"Boom boom boom boom," he whispered. "Why is your heart beating so fast Freckles?"

"I know that we've been sleeping next to each other for nearly 8 months," she started. "But I still feel like this is all some kind of-I don't know dream."

"It's real," he told her and touched her cheek. She smiled and kissed him again.

* * *

The next morning they went back home. Veronica's car was in the driveway, but there was also an unknown car there too. Kate got out of the car and Sawyer followed her closely. They walked into the house and Veronica came walking toward them.

"Kate," she whispered. "There's someone here…she wouldn't leave until I let her see Aaron."

Kate took a deep breath and looked past Veronica, further into the house. Claire was sitting on the floor with Aaron.

**A/N: Please review. **


	18. Chapter 18

Kate looked at Claire and felt like she couldn't breathe. Claire stood up and walked toward her. She smiled and shook her head.

"He's so smart Kate," she whispered.

"W-When did you get back?" Kate asked.

"Couple days ago," she answered. "I came back with Jack. I-um. Kate I want him back."

"What?" she said, barely able to say it out loud.

"I know that-I know I don't really have a right to take him," Claire frowned. "But actually I do. I have a right to raise my son."

"But he doesn't know you," Sawyer stated, standing behind Kate and taking her hand. "We're his-Kate's his mom."

"He wants to call Sawyer dad," Kate whispered. "I already lost him once Claire…when I gave him to your mom…you weren't supposed to come back-and what the hell happened to me and Sawyer having to raise him. You said we were supposed to raise him. Do you remember that?"

"I changed my mind," she replied.

"This isn't fair Claire," Kate shook her head. "You know this isn't fair."

"If I take him now, or later," Claire shrugged. "It's up to you. But I'll get a blood test…I'll get a court order and I'll get my son back."

Kate shook her head and ran her hand over her face. She let out a soft sob and shook her head again.

"You can't," she whispered. "You can't take him from me."

"You can come see him when ever you want," Claire answered. "I'm staying here in LA. So you can see him-"

"How am I supposed to explain this to him?" Kate asked. "He's-he knows me as his mom Claire. I don't want to keep him from you…but why can't he stay here, and then you can come see him when ever you want?"

"Because this is what Jacob wants," Claire replied mysteriously.

"Jacob said that me and Sawyer were supposed to raise him," Kate gasped for a breath.

"Yeah," she nodded. "But he said that the only way I was allowed to come back is if I-if I raise him. I love him. I love my son Kate. I miss my son. It's not fair."

"It's not fair to take him from his home," Kate answered.

"You're right," Claire said. "Kate, I don't-I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt you or Aaron…but-I miss my son."

"I know," Kate replied. "I know that you miss him. But can't you-what am I supposed to say to him?"

"I'll let you have some time," she stated. "I'll be back in a couple days, and if you still don't give him to me, then I'll bring the police into it."

"Claire, can't we just talk about it?" Kate asked.

"You mean, like share custody?" Claire asked. "Because don't you think that would be a little confusing for him?"

"Yes," Kate nodded. "Why do you have to take him away from me? Don't you think that it would hurt him? It's not like he's a baby Claire…he's going to remember me. And he's going to remember that you took him away from me."

"And it will worry me every day that he would rather have you," she whispered. "But don't I deserve a chance at being with my son?…I'm going to go. I'll be back in a few days."

Claire disappeared out of the house. Kate sighed softly and looked at Sawyer.

"She's not going to take him from me," Kate whispered.

"Kate," Sawyer began. "She kinda can. I mean…with a blood test-"

"Who's side are you on?!" she screamed. She ran from the room and ran up the stairs. Sawyer heard the door slam shut. Even all the way upstairs and through the shut door, Sawyer could hear Kate sobbing and screaming. He looked at Veronica who looked like she was about to burst into tears.

"You can leave if you need to V," Sawyer whispered sadly.

"Tell Kate I'm sorry," Veronica said. "I never should have let her inside."

"She would have gotten inside at some point," Sawyer answered soothingly. "It ain't your fault."

"I know," she nodded. "Listen Aaron…I'm gonna get going, but I'll see you soon."

"Bye VeeVee," Aaron smiled. Sawyer knelt down next to Aaron and looked at him.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Is mommy sad again?" Aaron asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Did you like Miss Claire?"

"She was nice!" he exclaimed. "Look what she gave me!"

Aaron held up a dinosaur that was almost as tall as him.

"Whoa," Sawyer chuckled. "That's pretty cool. Hey, why don't we go upstairs and try to make mommy feel better?"

"Ok," he nodded. Sawyer picked up Chelly and they went up the stairs. Sawyer opened the door and Kate had stopped crying so hard, but she was still crying. She hadn't made it to the bed, and instead was laying on the floor. Aaron knelt down and looked at her slightly curiously.

"Hi mommy," he whispered.

"Hi buddy," she whispered back. He wrapped his arms around her and Kate held on to him.

**3 Days Later **

Kate hadn't forgotten about Claire's request, but she tried not to think about it. She was spending more and more time paying attention to Chelly, and less time spending with Aaron. Aaron noticed it, but he didn't say anything. They were sitting in the living room. Kate was playing peek-a-boo with Chelly, who wasn't really paying much attention. Kate picked Chelly up out of the baby seat and started rocking her gently. Sawyer was watching her. He knew that she didn't want to talk about Aaron. There was a knock on the door. Sawyer got up and went to answer it.

"Hi," Claire said. Sawyer pushed her slightly out of the house and shut the door behind him.

"Claire," he whispered. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" she asked. "Aaron is my son. He's mine Sawyer."

"I know," he sighed. "But Kate loves him. Kate's been raising him for 4 years. He turns 4 on Saturday Claire. Why do you want to take him from her?"

"Because," she whispered. "I just want to be with him Sawyer. I realized on the island that Aaron and I were supposed to be together. We were supposed to be each other's world. I told Kate that she should have a baby sometime…but I didn't mean mine-"

"You told us that we were supposed to raise him!" he exclaimed, but still kept his voice low.

"I know," she nodded. "But I made a mistake. I was told-I went to a psychic before the plane crash. He told me that there could be no happy life for my baby without me. And I haven't been happy either. I want my baby back Sawyer…is that too much to ask for."

"Yes," he mumbled. "But I guess I understand it."

"Thank you," she whispered. "So can I come in?"

"He's not packed," Sawyer whispered.

"I have stuff for him," she replied. "I don't want to make it worse…so just Aaron will be good enough. Lead the way."

Sawyer shook his head and stared at Claire. He opened the door again and let Claire into the house. He looked at Kate and walked toward her.

"She's here to get Aaron," he whispered.

"No," Kate answered simply.

"Come on Aaron," Claire said holding her hand out. "You're gonna come with me."

"On a trip?" he asked standing up.

"You're gonna come stay with me," she answered.

"No, I wanna stay here," he shook his head. Kate smiled widely at him.

"Well, you have to," Claire replied.

"No you don't Aaron," Kate stated.

"Kate this will all be easier if you just-let me have my son," Claire said. Kate stood up and picked Aaron up. Claire looked at Sawyer for help. He shook his head, and stayed quiet.

"Please don't do this Claire," she whispered.

"Give him to me Kate, or I'm going to call the police," Claire said. "I don't want to have to force you to give him to me, but if it comes down to it, I will order a blood test."

"No," Kate shook her head. "I'm his mother. I've been with him every day for 4 years!"

"Honey," Sawyer whispered.

"No!" she screamed. Aaron whined and Sawyer walked up the stairs. He came back and handed Claire a blanket and Aaron's teddy bear.

"He won't sleep without them," Sawyer whispered. Claire nodded and thanked him quietly. "He likes trains. Kate sings to him every night…Catch a Falling Star."

Claire was on the verge of tears and Sawyer shook his head.

"I think you're really being horrible Claire," he replied. "I'm not doing this for you…I'm doing this because some long drawn out custody battle will only end up worse for Kate. If he's crying for Kate all night long…feel free to bring him back."

"I'm sorry," she shrugged.

"No you're not," he scoffed. He turned back to Kate. Kate was clinging on to Aaron. He stepped toward Kate and sighed deeply.

"James," she whispered. "No."

"Give him to me," Sawyer whispered. "It's ok. It's ok Freckles."

He took her hand and she let out another sob, but she handed him Aaron. Sawyer held on to him and sighed again. He rubbed Aaron's back. Aaron was crying, but Sawyer knew that he didn't really know what was happening.

"Hey," Sawyer said, swallowing a lump that had made its way into his throat. "You're gonna go with Claire ok?"

"I wanna stay," he stated.

"I know," Sawyer sighed. "And believe me, mommy and me want you to stay too, but you're gonna have to go. But we love you ok."

"Love you too daddy," he said. Sawyer sighed again and shook his head at Claire.

"We'll come see you soon ok," Sawyer whispered. "I promise buddy ok?"

"No!" Aaron exclaimed. "No!"

Sawyer hesitated, but let out another deep breath and handed Aaron to Claire. Claire ran her hand over the back of his head.

"Sweetie," Claire whispered.

"Mommy," Aaron frowned and looked back at Kate. Kate stepped toward Claire and reached out to take him, but Sawyer stepped in front of her and stopped her.

"Aaron," she said.

"Mommy…mommy no!" Aaron yelled back as they left the house. Kate tried to get away from Sawyer's grip, but he was holding her too tightly. She started hitting him in the chest to get him to get off of her.

"I hate you!" she screamed. "I hate you! It's all your fault! If I hadn't come back for you I wouldn't have come back! I hate you!"

She started hitting him again, but this time in the face. He backed away from her and put his hands up to try to stop her. She ran up the stairs and slammed the door again.

"Son of a bitch!" Sawyer yelled. He didn't know if Kate heard him, but Chelly started screaming, so he knew that he had scared her. He sighed deeply and walked toward Chelly. He picked her up carefully. He walked over to the couch and sat down with her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He spent the rest of the day downstairs, while Kate refused to come out. He made dinner for himself and then later on after he put Chelly to bed, he brought up a plate of food to Kate. He went into the bedroom and set the plate down on the nightstand. Kate flipped over so her back was to him, and then he walked around the other side of the bed. Sawyer was sure that she would have flipped over again, but she seemed to have no strength left. He wrapped his arms around her and she fell apart. She pressed her face against his chest and sobbed loudly. He ran his hand through her hair and held her as she cried.

"What…am…I…gonna…do?" she sobbed and said muffled. Sawyer didn't even understand what she said, but he didn't say anything.

"J-james," she sobbed.

"I'm here," he whispered.

"I don't hate you," she said. "I love you."

"I know," he told her.

"I want my son," she sobbed.

"I know," he repeated. "We can go see him tom-"

"No!" she exclaimed. "I can't. I don't want to see him. I want him back…I can't see him. I can't see him knowing that I can't be with him."

"Ok," he whispered. "We'll do whatever you want."

"We're going to lose Chelly," she looked at him. "We're not going to have Chelly anymore."

"That's not gonna happen," Sawyer answered quickly. "If Juliet decides to come back we can fight. I'm her father. She can't keep us away from Chelly. We will not lose her Freckles."

**1 Year Later**

Once a week Aaron would come over to Sawyer and Kate's house. At first Kate hated it, but after a couple months it started becoming natural. Claire always left so that Kate could have her time alone with Aaron. Aaron still called Kate mommy, but he called Claire mommy too.

Sawyer wrote letters to Clementine, but he still didn't see her very often. He saw her on her birthday and that was it. He knew that he should see her more often, but it was hard for him. Juliet hadn't contacted him again about Chelly. Kate was more angry at Juliet than Sawyer. She didn't know why Juliet wouldn't want to have any contact with her daughter. Kate was sitting on the floor with Aaron. He was doing a puzzle by himself, but Kate was watching him. He didn't want any help.

"Mommy I get to go to Kindygarten," he said.

"I know," she chuckled. "Are you excited?"

"Yeah!" he exclaimed. "My teacher is nice!"

"Oh well that's good," Kate said.

"Will you and daddy take me?" he asked.

"Not every time," she shook her head. "But if we ask Claire, then we might be able to sometimes."

"OK," he smiled. The doorbell rang and Sawyer stood up to get it.

"Dada!" Chelly exclaimed reaching up to him. Sawyer picked up Chelly, before answering the door. He opened the door and Claire was standing in front of him.

"Hi Claire," Sawyer whispered.

"Hi," she said. "I'm here to get Aaron."

"I know," he answered.

"Hi mommy!" Aaron exclaimed. He stood up and ran to Claire. "Mommy can…can other mommy and daddy take me to kindygarten?"

"Well…" she started. "Yeah…how bout on Monday we come here early so you can see them before we go to school."

"OK!" he yelled. "Mommy, I get to come."

Kate smiled at him and walked toward him. She picked him up and gave him a hug.

"I love you Aaron," Kate whispered.

"Me too," he answered. Claire and Aaron left the house, and Kate took a deep breath. She looked toward Sawyer. Chelly was sticking her fingers in Sawyer's mouth. He was looking at Chelly and chuckling at her. Chelly was smiling widely too. Sawyer trapped Chelly's hand with his lips and she pulled her hand away.

"No, papa," she whined. He kissed Chelly on the cheek and then looked back at Kate. Kate smiled and stepped toward her. She shook her head and then wrapped her arms around Sawyer and ran her hand down Chelly's back.

"Y'know," she sighed. "Every time he leaves, I think I'm going to fall apart again, but then I see your little girl…our little girl. Will it ever be easier though? Will saying goodbye to him once a week ever get easier?"

"Doubt it," he replied. "But I think Aaron's pretty happy."

"That's what matters," she whispered. "He's happy. He's with his mommy. I'm just scared that one day he'll stop calling me mommy."

"Why don't…" he started, and then he put Chelly down. He wrapped his arms around Kate's waist and pulled her toward him. "Why don't we bring up that subject again? That subject that you refused to talk about since Claire came back?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"I'm talking about a baby Kate," he told her. "Before Claire came back…we were going to have a baby…do you remember?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"And as soon as she got back, you changed your mind," he said. "You didn't even want to talk about it."

"I know," she nodded. "Because I didn't want to replace him."

"Kate," he whispered. "You wanted a baby of your own remember. Our baby. Don't you still want our baby?"

"Are you saying that _you_ want a baby?" she asked.

"Well Freckles, I ain't getting any younger," he said. "Don't really wanna be throwing a football to a kid from a wheelchair."

"James," she stated, shoving him slightly.

"So what do you think?" he asked. "Are we gonna have a baby?"

"When do you want to start?" she smirked.

"Now works," he answered and pulled her toward him. She chuckled and wrapped her arms around him. He kissed her and stepped toward her. She kissed him back, but then felt Chelly on the floor next to them. Chelly was touching her feet and tickling her feet. Kate looked down at her and picked her up.

"Momma!" she exclaimed.

"Hey sweetie," Kate whispered. "Sawyer, I think that we have to wait till Chelly is in bed."

"Yeah," he nodded. "Probably."

"I want a baby with you," she said softly.

"Good," he smirked. "So then tonight…I thought maybe we could go to dinner…y'know just the two of us."

"Ok," she stated.

"You don't know what today is do you," he chuckled.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Usually it's the guy who forgets," he told her.

"It's our anniversary," she answered.

"You forgot didn't you?" he asked, still smiling.

"Maybe for a minute there," she shook her head. "But I guess I just lost track of time."

"Well," he whispered. "Maybe in another year we'll have that baby."

She smirked and leaned forward to kiss him.

"Is Veronica coming to take care of Chelly?" she asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. "She'll be here by 6:00."

That night, laying in bed, Kate had her head against his chest.

"If it's a girl, I wanna name her Anna," she told him.

"Sort of like your middle name," he smiled.

"My middle name is Anne," she said.

"I know," he replied. "Anne...Anna? Similar names."

"Yeah," she whispered. "I guess...the other name I thought of is, Chloe. So then you'll have Chelly, Clementine and Chloe."

"How 'bout we wait till your pregnant before picking out names?" he asked.

**A/N: Ok...so I know that sort of a lot happened in this chapter. I was planning this for a while actually. I know, I'm horrible. But I hope it was a good one anyway. Please Review.**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: So a lot happens in this chapter. I hope you all like it. **

**3 Weeks Later**

Sawyer's phone rang. He didn't look at the caller id before he picked it up. Kate was laying next to him. He picked up the phone and answered it.

"Hello?" he mumbled.

"Did I wake you up?" she asked. He didn't recognize her voice. He mumbled again and rolled over so his back was to Kate.

"Who is this?" he said, clearing his throat.

"It's me, James," she answered. He yawned and then shook his head.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"I want to see her James," Juliet replied. "I just want to see how she is…see what she looks like. I wouldn't dream of taking her from you, but I want to see my daughter. Please James."

"Later," he murmured. "At noon, Kate's going to be picking up Aaron from school. You can come see her."

"How is Aaron?" she asked.

"Living with Claire," he responded. "See you at noon."

He hung up before Juliet could say anything else. He rolled back over toward Kate and kissed her shoulder gently.

"Hmm," she sighed. "Who was that?"

"Nobody," he whispered.

"Well it was somebody," she told him. "Because someone is coming here when I go pick up Aaron."

"OK," he sighed. "Fine…Juliet."

"No," she shook her head. "James. You can't-"

"She's not going to take Chelly. I won't let her," he answered. "And she said that she wouldn't take her…she just wants to see her."

"She's been away for a year! She just left her," Kate replied. "She doesn't deserve to see her James."

"Maybe not," he murmured. "But I guess I'm just hoping that if we cooperate with her, she won't drag it out and she will leave us alone. Maybe if she sees Chelly and how happy she is-"

"Or maybe she'll take one look at Chelly and want her back," she interrupted.

"Do you trust me?" he asked. She nodded slowly. "Ok. Then trust me. I'm not going to let anything happen to our family. I'm not going to let Juliet take Chelly away from us."

"You let Claire take Aaron," she whispered.

"We had no legal rights over Aaron," he argued. "And I think we gotta a pretty good deal Kate. We see him at least once a week, sometimes more than that…Claire didn't have to stay here in LA just because you were here. She is perfectly within her legal rights to move back to Australia."

"You want her to?" Kate asked.

"Of course not Kate-" he scoffed and then stopped. "What are you trying to do, start a fight with me?"

"No," she murmured. "I'm just nervous. I should be starting my period this week."

"But we don't want you to," he whispered and kissed her gently.

"I'm just nervous because I'm afraid it won't happen right away," she answered.

**5 Hours Later**

Sawyer was pacing in the living room, waiting for Juliet. The doorbell ran and he opened the door quickly. She looked at him and smiled.

"James," she whispered. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He hugged her back and then stepped back and let her go. "How are you?"

"I'm good," he said. "We got married. We're trying to have a baby of our own."

"You said something about Aaron's now with Claire?" she asked.

"She came back…and she wanted him," he answered. "We couldn't really do anything about it since Claire's his birth mother…but he still calls Kate mommy."

"Must be hard," she whispered.

"It's not easy," he shook his head. "But we got Chelly. I think Chelly is the only thing that kept Kate from having a nervous breakdown."

"I betcha you had a little something to do with that too," Juliet said sweetly and with a smile. "So where is she? Where's my baby?"

"Chelly is with her mom," Sawyer answered.

"What?" she asked.

"Kate took Chelly with her to go pick up Aaron," he explained further.

"Sawyer you said I could see her," Juliet scoffed.

"And you will," he responded. "Kate and Chelly will be back in a little bit. Actually pretty soon…probably 5 or 10 minutes."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because I want to lay down some ground rules," he said. "I know you have a right to see your daughter, considering you are her mother…in a manner of speaking…but Kate is her mommy. She calls Kate her mommy and Kate puts her to bed every night. If you do or say anything to upset Kate or Chelly, I will end the visit. We got a good thing going her Jules…if you had just kept in touch then it wouldn't be a big deal, but you've been away from Chelly for an entire year."

"I only got a week with her," Juliet frowned.

"And who's fault is that Juliet?" he scoffed. "Look…I know it was hard for you. A man who you loved left you because you lied to all of us…can't really say that I blame him…and your sister died, which is a tragedy. It's awful and horrible and I'm truly sorry for your loss. But just because your life seemed to be falling apart, doesn't mean you had the right to abandon your baby."

"It's not abandoning when I gave her to her dad," she argued.

"It is abandoning when you disappear and don't so much as give her a call or write a letter," he told her.

"When's the last time you saw Clementine?" she asked.

"It's been a while," he stated honestly. "But I write to her. And…I'm not-that's different Juliet."

"How?" she questioned.

"Because she's 7 years old…well now she's 8. She never knew who I was," he shook his head. "You still have time though. Chelly is only a year old. If you want to be in her life…then be in her life…but you don't get to share custody."

"What?" she scoffed. "Why not?"

"Because…I promised Kate that I wouldn't lose Chelly," he answered. "Come see her…but I don't want her staying at your house."

"Why not?" she whispered.

"You're a flight risk," he said. "Sorry…but if I hand you the baby…you could take her back to Miami and then me and Kate have lost a second child. I won't do that to her…I won't do that to either of us ."

"I am going back to Miami," she admitted. "And I don't want to take her away from you. I just want to see her. I just want to meet her-"

"We're home!" Kate exclaimed, coming into the house with Chelly on her hip. Sawyer walked over to Kate and took the baby from her.

"Dada," Chelly said and smiled at him. He carried her over to Juliet. Juliet had two steady streams of tears falling down her cheeks. He handed her the baby and she let out a deep breath.

"Hey Chelly," she sighed. "Hi."

She looked at her and then back at Sawyer.

"She looks-" Juliet started, and Sawyer nodded.

Juliet stayed for most of the afternoon, which Kate wasn't all that happy about, but she kept her mouth shut. She didn't leave the room, because she was afraid as soon as she did, Sawyer would weaken and give the baby up. Juliet was sitting in a chair near Sawyer and Kate, holding the baby on her lap. Not much was said all afternoon aside from Juliet talking to Chelly. She stood up and handed the baby to Kate. Kate took her and Chelly clung onto Kate's shirt.

"Take good care of my baby Kate," Juliet said, choked up. "You've been doing a good job so far. And James…you were wrong. On the island, I remember you telling me that you wouldn't make a good daddy…you make a great dad Sawyer."

"You never call me Sawyer," he whispered.

"Thanks for letting me see her," she responded and disappeared out of the door. Kate let out a breath and looked at Sawyer.

"I can breathe again," Kate said. Sawyer stood up and went after Juliet. She was already in her car by the time he got out of the house. He ran toward her and stopped her from leaving.

"She's amazing James," Juliet whispered. "Um…will you make sure she gets this. Late birthday present."

She handed Sawyer a wrapped package. Sawyer looked at her and then sighed.

"Why don't you come back in and give it to her?" he asked.

"Because I can't," she breathed. "I just can't. I have to go…but um…do you think we can do this again around her birthday?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Sure…come to her party. I'll send you a picture of her digging into her cake this year. She made a mess."

Juliet chuckled through her tears and then turned the car on. She waved weakly and Sawyer waved back. She drove out of the driveway and then down the street. Sawyer went back inside and set the present down on the coffee table.

"She's coming back next year for Chelly's birthday," Sawyer murmured.

"She's really just going back to Miami?" Kate asked.

"I guess," he said. Kate looked at Chelly and kissed her on the forehead.

**2 Years Later**

Sawyer was having a "guys" day with Aaron. He had been gone for most of the day, while Kate stayed at home with Chelly. Chelly didn't want to stay at home while Aaron got to go have fun, but Kate told her that they would have fun at home.

"Mommy, I want daddy," Chelly pouted.

"He'll be back soon," Kate said distractedly.

She and Sawyer were still trying to have a baby. Her period was late, and she thought she had a good chance at being pregnant. She wanted to take a pregnancy test before Sawyer got back. He would never have to know that there was even a possibility. Kate stood up and Chelly followed her.

"Darlin', I'm going to the bathroom," Kate stated. "I'll be right back."

Kate went into the bathroom by herself. She knew that she shouldn't leave Chelly by herself for a long period of time. She stared at her face in the mirror while she waited for the test. She looked down at it. She let out a breath and smiled. The pregnancy test was positive. She chuckled at herself and held onto it tightly. She heard Chelly screaming. She quickly left the bathroom and found Chelly laying on the floor crying. Kate walked over to her and picked her up.

"It's ok," she whispered. "Did you fall?"

"Yeah," Chelly sobbed. Chelly continued to cry, while Kate held her. Kate felt bad that Chelly had hurt herself, but she couldn't help but feel elated with the fact that she was pregnant. She heard a car in the driveway and started getting butterflies in her stomach. The door opened and Chelly jumped off the couch.

"Daddy!" she exclaimed. She ran into his legs and wrapped her arms around him. He nearly tripped, but he chuckled and bent down.

"Did you have fun with mommy?" he asked. She shook her head, and then wrapped her arms around his neck. He picked her up and hugged her. "Did she take her nap?"

"No," Kate shook her head.

"Ok," Sawyer said. "Well, I think you need to go take a nap then."

"No daddy," Chelly answered.

"Yep," he nodded. He carried her up the stairs. He looked back at Kate who smiled, but didn't follow him. When he came back downstairs Kate was waiting on the couch. She got up from the couch and ran toward him. As soon as he got to the bottom of the stairs she jumped into his arms and knocked him down. They were laying on the ground at the foot of the steps.

"Hi," she said softly.

"Hey," he chuckled. "What's going on?"

Kate leaned down and kissed his lips.

"I'm pregnant," she whispered. He sat up, but kept her on top of him.

"Really?" he asked. "You are?"

"Yeah," she nodded. He pulled her into another kiss and hugged her.

"Kate," he whispered. She stayed on his lap and they held on to each other. Kate kissed him softly and backed away.

"I love you," she said softly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"I tell you I love you, all the time," she answered.

"No," he shook his head. "Why didn't you tell me that you thought you were pregnant?"

"Because," she began. "I wanted to make sure…I didn't want to get both of our hopes up if it turned out negative. I mean we've been trying for 2 years to have a baby. We've had so many disappointments. I just didn't want to-but now that I know. We're gonna have to go buy more baby stuff…I think it's finally time to redecorate Aaron's old room."

"Do you still want to name her Chloe?" Sawyer whispered.

"Only if it's a girl," she smiled. "We wouldn't want our son to have to grow up with that name."

"Do you still want a daughter?" he asked running his hand across her cheek.

"I don't know," she smiled. "I do, but…since we don't have a son anymore…I don't know James. It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does," he chuckled. "You want a little girl."

"I hope she has your eyes," Kate said. "I love your eyes."

**8 Months Later**

Kate was in labor. Sawyer was holding her hand, but she was almost crushing it with her grip. She let go when the contraction stopped.

"I hate this," she sighed. "Why did I want a baby again?"

"Because you wanted our baby," he told her softly and ran his hand over her forehead.

"OK, Kate," the doctor appeared with a smile. "We're gonna start pushing now."

"'We'?" she said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "I guess that was a little unfair…you'll be doing all the work, but get ready because the baby will be here in about 5 minutes."

Kate sighed and looked at Sawyer. He squeezed her hand and she started pushing. The sounds around her disappeared. She kept pushing. She could hear the nurses counting, but it seemed to be miles away. She heard the doctor praising her, but she didn't pay attention to that either. The only thing she felt was pain, and then she felt Sawyer's hand in hers. Suddenly the sounds of the crying baby filled the room. Kate took a deep breath and let out a sob. Sawyer was in front of her. He was holding her face.

"You did such a great job," he said softly. He kissed her.

"How is-what is it?" Kate asked. "Is it ok?"

Sawyer stood on his tiptoes to see if he could see anything.

"I don't know," he said. He let go of Kate's hand and walked toward where the doctors and nurses were. One of the nurses picked up the baby and smiled at him. She handed him the pink bundle and he chuckled and looked down at the baby.

"Is it a girl?" Kate asked. "Lemme see her."

Sawyer walked back over to Kate and put the baby in her arms. Kate smiled at the baby and at Sawyer.

"Sawyer," she whispered. "She's-she's perfect."

"Pretty damn cute," he whispered.

"Do you think we should bring her to see Clementine?" she asked softly.

"I dunno," he mumbled. "I haven't written to her in over a year. I'm a horrible-"

"No you're not," she argued. "You've just been preoccupied."

"I'm kinda glad we waited," he said. "I mean now…Chelly is 4. She's old enough to be a big sister. If we had a baby right after we got her…it might have been a disaster."

"Well now we can paint Aaron's-the nursery," she replied. "I have to learn to stop calling it Aaron's room…it's Chloe's room now."

It took them nearly 2 weeks to finish the nursery completely. Sawyer came home to find Kate in the nursery holding the baby and looking down at Chelly as she sat on the floor with a book. Kate didn't look very happy.

"Mommy what's this word?" Chelly asked, standing up and handing Kate the book.

"You know that word," Kate chuckled.

"I forgot," she frowned.

"Puppy," Kate told her. "It's puppy."

Sawyer walked into the room and Chelly looked at him, but didn't run to him.

"Hey," he said. "How are my girls?"

He leaned down and kissed Kate, and then kissed the baby on the forehead. Kate handed him the baby and walked out of the room without saying anything. Sawyer held the baby for a minute, but since she was contentedly asleep he put her back in the crib and walked after Kate. Kate was sitting in the hallway. He sat down next to her and she looked at him.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Aaron didn't call me mommy today," she whispered. "He called me Kate. He's-he's comfortable with Claire. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he adjusted…but I guess I just hoped that he would cry and want me back."

"Well, I know you're gonna hate me for saying this, but I think it's a good thing," he said. "Because something tells me that Claire would have done anything to keep Aaron."

"You're right," she nodded. "It's a good thing. I'm just a little sad. And today he asked me about uncle Jack."

"You miss him?" he asked.

"Yeah!" she exclaimed. "Yeah…I do. I'm sorry James. It doesn't mean I love him…but I mean-he was my friend. And now I haven't seen him in 4 years and it's just weird."

"OK," he whispered.

"And don't tell me that you don't miss Juliet," she scoffed. "Because I know you do."

"Yeah," he nodded. "Alright…yeah…I do. But I don't think it really matters because nothing I say to her is going to make her change her mind and want to live here."

**8 Years Later**

"Mom!" Chelly exclaimed. "Chloe won't give me my backpack!"

"If the two of you don't stop fighting, I'm going to smack you," Kate answered.

"Fine!" Chelly yelled. She slammed her door and Kate groaned loudly. Sawyer was making breakfast for everyone. She walked into the kitchen and sighed deeply.

"Aaron's coming here after school," she said. "He's got some new little girlfriend he wants us to meet."

"Oh really?" he asked. "Startin' early then. He's what…13."

"He'll be 14 soon," she argued. There was a loud knock on the door. Kate groaned again and Sawyer held up his hand.

"Stay there," he sighed. "I'll get it…but can you make sure the pancakes don't burn, because I'm not in the mood for another fight with Chloe."

"Sure," she nodded.

He got up and went to the door. Standing on the doorstep in tears and with a black eye and a fat lip was Clementine.

"Hey dad," she sighed, with her arms wrapped around herself.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N So A lot happens in this chapter, and it does jump quite a bit too, but I hope it's still good. This is actually also the last chapter. **

"Clementine," Sawyer gasped. "Come in."

He put his hand on her back and she gasped and pushed him away. She shook her head and looked at the floor. Sawyer stood in front of her and looked at her face.

"Sweetheart-"

"Don't!" she exclaimed. "You can't call me sweetheart! We don't talk. You haven't seen me in almost 5 years! You don't care about me…but I had no where else to go."

"Dad," Chelly said, coming down the stairs.

"Go into the kitchen," he stated.

"What's wrong with Clementine?" she asked meekly.

"Go," he said, pointing toward the kitchen. Chelly stomped into the kitchen and Sawyer walked into the living room. Clementine followed him reluctantly. She sat down on the couch next to him and pouted.

"What are you-" he began. "What happened? Does your mom know you're here."

"No!" she exclaimed. "And you can't tell her. You can't-"

"Ok," he said. "Ok…I won't…but don't you think that she'll notice that you're gone?"

"She won't care," she shook her head. "She hated him anyway and she'll tell me that it was my own fault for being with such a loser."

"So you're telling me that a boy did this to you," he stated.

"I had no where else to go," she sobbed. "I just wanted-I don't know. I missed you daddy."

"I miss you too," he whispered.

"No you don't," she sniffled. She pulled out a piece of paper from her pocket. "_Dear Clementine, tomorrow is Chloe's 8th__ birthday. I can't believe my baby is so old. We should all get together soon. _Remember writing this letter to me dad? You saw me once a year. That was it. Once a year. And then there were the letters. At first they were ok…sometimes you mentioned something that Chelly did, but most of the time they were good…and then about 8 years ago…Chloe was born. You gushed about her in every single letter."

"Clementine, I'm sorry," he shook his head. "I didn't-I didn't think. Clementine I just thought that it was better-"

"You thought it was better for you," she frowned.

"I thought it would be too confusing," he murmured. "But can you just tell me what happened?"

"I thought he loved me," she sobbed. "He told me that we were going to be together forever. He-he saw me talking to my friend…just a friend. He didn't believe me. He thought I was cheating on me. He hit me. He hit me in the stomach and then my face. So I got away and came here."

"You can stay here as long as you want to," he whispered. "Come here Clementine."

He opened his arms and she fell against him. Kate came into the room and looked at Sawyer and Clementine.

"Chelly told me that there was something wrong," Kate whispered.

"She's ok," Sawyer murmured.

"There's more," Clementine whispered.

"What?" he asked.

"He hit me in the stomach because-" she didn't finish her sentence and she didn't have to.

"Clementine you have to go to the hospital," he said.

"No," she shook her head. "I don't want to. It's too embarrassing."

"Well what's worse? Showing up at your dad's house, after not seeing him for 5 years, or going to the hospital?" he asked. She couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle. He stood up and took her by the hand.

"I don't want to face it," she whispered.

"I'll take you," Kate offered. "Do you want me to take you?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Ok…no offense dad, but it's just a girl thing."

"Ok," he whispered.

Kate went back into the kitchen and said goodbye to Chelly and Chloe. She and Clementine left the house and Sawyer went into the kitchen.

"Was that my sister?" Chloe asked.

"Yeah," Sawyer nodded.

"She got hit?" she asked.

"Yep," Sawyer sighed. "Let me tell you girls something…if a boy ever hits you, I want you to tell me right away so I can go beat the crap out of them ok?"

"Ok," Chelly whispered.

"Daddy will you give me piggy tails?" Chloe asked. "Mommy always does."

"You're gonna be late," Sawyer argued.

"No!" she exclaimed. "Please daddy…please…please…please daddy…please daddy."

"Ok," he replied. "Please, shut up."

Chloe shut up, but handed him the hairbrush. He put Chloe's hair in pig tails. They were lopsided, so Chelly fixed them. He hugged and kissed each of them and they left the house quickly. Chloe had straight brown hair. She always wished her hair was more like Kate's, but it wouldn't hold a curl. She had Sawyer's blue eyes and Sawyer's smile. He turned back to the kitchen, which was a mess, but his thoughts stayed on Clementine. The image of her face swollen and bruised pissed him off. He wanted to find out the guy's name as soon as he could. He walked over to the phone and dialed Cassidy.

"Hello?" Cassidy asked, somewhat frantically.

"Cassidy," Sawyer said.

"Sawyer," she gasped. "What's going on? Have you seen her? Is she ok?"

"She's ok," Sawyer answered. "Sort of."

"What do you mean sort of?" she scoffed.

"She came here," he murmured. "Her boyfriend beat the crap out of her."

"What?!" she exclaimed. "Oh my God, I'm coming right now-"

"Wait," he said. "Cassidy, I told her I wouldn't call you."

"Then why did you?" she asked, somewhat grateful.

"Because she's your daughter Cassidy," he answered. "And I have 2 girls, and if I didn't know where they were it would drive me crazy."

"So when do you think I can come get her?" she whispered.

"Let me try to talk to her," he said. "I'll call you later tonight and maybe you can come tomorrow."

"What happened?" she asked.

"I don't really know," he replied.

"Can I talk to her?" she asked.

"She's at the hospital with Kate," he told her. "It's-I just thought that maybe she should go."

"Is she ok?" she asked again.

"I think she'll be just fine," he answered. "She was up and walking. She was talking. I'm sure she's fine Cass."

"Ok," she sighed. "Ok. Call me later."

"Alright," he nodded. "Bye."

"Bye," she said. They both hung up the phone and Sawyer took a deep breath. He felt horrible. He wished that he had paid more attention to Clementine throughout her life, but there was nothing he could do to change what he did. He decided that he would immediately change it and start seeing Clementine more regularly. The phone rang. Sawyer figured that it was Cassidy calling back.

"Cassidy," he sighed as he answered the phone. "She's not back yet."

"You called my mom?" Clementine scoffed. "Why would you do that?"

"Because she was worried," he answered. "But don't worry…she's not going to come get you or anything. You're going to stay with us as long as you want. I just thought your mom should know what's going on."

"Fine," she sighed. "I'm calling because Kate's hurt and she told me to call you."

"What do you mean, 'Kate's hurt'?" he asked.

"She tripped and fell on the way into the hospital," Clementine said. Sawyer could hint a small chuckle in Clementine's voice. "Ironic right? She falls right outside of a hospital? She landed on her hands, but she heard a snap or a pop or something. They think her wrist might be broken. So you're gonna have to come."

"Ok," he replied. "Tell her I'll be there in a little bit."

Sawyer walked down the hallway in the ER. He found Clementine sitting in the chairs with her head resting on her hand. He sat down next to her and held his arms out. She looked at him and rolled her eyes. He kept his arms out, and finally Clementine leaned over into his arms.

"I'm not pregnant dad," she whispered.

"But you were," he sighed.

"I'm sorry," she murmured. "I'm so sorry. It's all my fault."

"No," he answered. "Clementine, it is not all your fault. It's not all your fault."

"Kate's waiting for you," she said. "She says she needs to talk to you. I think she wants to tell you that I can't stay-"

"Clementine," he sighed. "I'm going to try better ok? We're gonna see each other more. I'm gonna start being your dad. And don't worry about Kate. She loves you too. She'll let you stay."

"I think she blames me for breaking her wrist," she whispered. "If I hadn't gotten myself beat up-I never would have come-"

"Shh," he shook his head. "Clementine…crap happens. Kate doesn't blame you. And if she does, I'm gonna set her straight. I'm gonna go talk to the doctor."

He stood up and walked toward Kate's room. The doctor was just coming out. Sawyer stopped him.

"Hey," he whispered. "How is she?"

"She's going to be fine," he smiled.

"What about my daughter?" Sawyer asked. "Did you examine Clementine?"

"She has some bruises on her stomach and back, but she's ok," he replied. "But you need to make sure that whoever did this to her stays away-"

"Don't worry," Sawyer responded. He went into the hospital room. Kate was sitting on the hospital bed, putting her shoes on with some difficulty with a cast on her wrist. She looked up at him and sighed.

"I'm such a klutz," she shook her head. He walked toward her and wrapped his arms around her.

"You ok?" he whispered.

"I'm fine," she answered. "But-there's something else."

"Clementine's staying," he told her. "It's time for me to pay her some attention."

"No," she shook her head. "Sawyer, it's not Clementine. I-uhm…I'm pregnant."

"What?" he asked softly.

"I'm pregnant," she said again.

"You're-" he began.

"Pregnant," she said, this time scoffing softly. "And obviously this isn't a good thing. Let's just go home."

She started leaving the room, and he grabbed her arm.

"Wait a minute," he whispered.

"No," she sighed. "We should get Clementine home. You have 9 months to get used to it."

She pulled her arm out of his grip and walked back into the hallway. Clementine stood up and they walked out to the car by themselves. Clementine and Kate drove separately. When they got home, Clementine knew something was wrong. She looked at Kate, and stopped her from going up the stairs.

"Kate, what's the matter?" Clementine asked. "I mean…what did dad say to make you so pissed off."

"I'm not pissed," Kate sighed. "I'm pregnant…he wasn't exactly excited about it."

"What a jerk!" she yelled. "I'm gonna kick his ass! You guys were trying to have a baby and now he wants to back out!?"

"No," Kate shook her head. "No…it wasn't planned Clementine. And in fact, I'm not-I'm not exactly excited right now either. I just thought that maybe he would-I don't know make me feel better, be happy about it…but now I realize that-I mean maybe we shouldn't have another baby."

"I think dad will be fine," Clementine sighed. "I mean he seems to love Chloe and Chelly."

"Honey, he loves you too," Kate whispered. "He's-I think he's just scared. I mean you were 7 when you met him. He didn't know how to act. With Chelly he didn't exactly have a choice…Juliet just dropped her with us. And by the time Chloe was born, he was ready I think…but now…I don't know if he wants another baby-"

"Kate," Sawyer said, coming into the house. "Why did you just leave? I want to talk to you."

"Never mind Sawyer," she shook her head. "It's fine. I'm fine. Whatever. But I'm having this baby. So get used to it."

"Kate-" he began.

"I'm not in the mood to argue with you," she said. "It's not good for the baby."

"Kate-" he began again.

"Would you mind picking up the girls later?" she interrupted. "I'm just going to go lay down. My wrist hurts. Clementine, we have a spare bedroom. You can stay there for now, but when the baby comes, it's going to become his or her room."

"I don't think I'll be living here in 9 months Kate," Clementine smiled. "But thanks."

Kate avoided Sawyer for most of the day. Every time he tried to talk to her about the baby, she would either change the subject, or make an excuse to leave the room. That night Kate was laying in the bed with her arm raised up slightly. Sawyer got into bed and looked at her.

"Kate," he whispered. "I want to talk about the baby."

"Why?" she asked. "It's obvious-"

"Nothing is obvious Kate," he interrupted. "I just want to talk to you. You wouldn't let me talk to you all day, so just let me talk to you. Let me actually tell you what I'm thinking before you just go jumping to conclusions."

"Fine," she sighed.

"I love you," he said. "I love you…I mean this is unexpected, but-Kate, it doesn't mean-it doesn't mean I don't want the baby."

She rolled onto her back and looked at him. He leaned over her and rested his hand against her stomach. She let out a soft chuckle and then leaned over and kiss him. He kissed her back and then backed away.

"So another baby?" he whispered.

The next morning, Kate and Sawyer woke up and then woke the girls up. They were on their way downstairs when they heard Clementine talking softly.

"Mom, I'm sorry," she said. "I just-I wanted to see my dad. You never talk about him, and…no that's not why I let Joel beat me up…no, I'm not coming home. Dad said I could stay as long as I wanted. Joel will find me if I come home…I was pregnant mom…mom stop it. Calm down…ok…I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye."

Sawyer and Kate walked down the stairs. Clementine got up and sighed softly.

"I-um…I want to stay," she stated. "I know it's my last year of high school, but I can't go back there."

"So you want to spend your last year at a different high school?" Kate asked.

"I'm so stupid…never mind…you guys have this whole life here," Clementine shook her head. "Of course I'm not staying. I'll go home on Monday."

"Clementine, are you afraid of this guy?" Sawyer whispered. "Are you afraid of…you called him Joel."

"He mangled my face dad," she answered. "Of course I'm afraid. But I'm not going to ruin your lives-"

"It's not ruining our lives," Sawyer interrupted. "If you want to stay…you can stay. Kate, you told her last night she could stay as long as she wanted-"

"Yeah," Kate nodded. "And I really did mean it Clementine, but I just know how important your senior year is. Are you sure?"

"I want to stay here," she replied. "Please."

**5 Months Later**

Kate was taking Clementine shopping for a dress for the Winter Carnival dance. Clementine was trying dress after dress on and she couldn't find one that she liked. Kate thought there were several good choices, but Clementine was being too picky.

"Try this on Kate," Clementine said. Clementine handed Kate a shirt and Kate shook her head.

"No," she sighed. "I'm too fat."

"Shut up," Clementine scoffed. "You're pregnant. And this sweater could totally fit you. You think I'm picky…you're the picky one."

"Fine," Kate replied. She took the sweater from Clementine and went into the dressing room.

"And since I've had to show you all my dresses, you have to model for me too," Clementine called. Kate came back out of the dressing room wearing the sweater. Clementine was right, it did look good. Kate looked at the tag and shook her head.

"It's 100 dollars," she said. "It's way too expensive."

"Kate it looks so good," Clementine argued. "I'll pay for it."

"No way," Kate shook her head.

"Kate, you already offered to buy me my dress," Clementine said. "I'll buy you this sweater, and I promise, the next dress I try on, I'll buy."

"We'll split it…" she said. "I'll pay for 50 of it."

"Deal!" Clementine exclaimed. Kate turned back to the mirror and smiled.

"I'm getting huge," Kate whispered.

"Can I-" Clementine asked and reached out. Kate stepped forward and let Clementine put her hand on her stomach. "I think my dad really needs this to be a boy."

"Yeah," Kate chuckled. "There are way too many girls in his house."

"But he loves us," Clementine answered.

"Yes he does-"

"Kate?" a familiar voice said behind her. She turned around and saw Jack. Kate pressed her lips together and looked at him.

"Hi," she said weakly.

"Is this the baby-?" Jack asked, pointing to Clementine. "I mean-Sawyer's bab-never mind, let me start over. How are you?"

"It's Sawyer's daughter," she answered. "But not the one you saw 10 years ago. But we gotta go."

"Can I see you?" he whispered.

"Jack, it's been 10 years."

"Are you pregnant?" he asked softly.

"No," she shook her head. "Just gained a few…I'm sorry…yes. I'm pregnant."

"Boy or girl," he whispered.

"We don't know," she answered.

"I wanted to tell you," he began. "I'm married."

"I see that," she said, gesturing to his hand.

"I didn't think it would be this hard," he whispered.

"Really?" she chuckled. "Because I did. It's been 10 years Jack, but it's still-it's still hard. I mean…not hard, but awkward. I don't want to hurt you, but I'm the happiest I've ever been. Me and Sawyer…we've been happy. We have 2 daughters…well 3 including Clementine. Chelly…who is Juliet's. But Juliet only comes to see her once or twice a year, and Chelly has known me as Mommy for her entire life. And Chloe."

"Kate-" Clementine complained.

"Hold on Clem-" Kate began.

"I'm gonna go shopping," Clementine said. "I'll come back in like 10 or 15 minutes ok?"

"Yeah," she nodded. Clementine ran toward the entrance of the store and Kate saw her greeting two boys. She started flirting automatically. Kate chuckled to herself and shook her head. She inadvertently put her hands against her stomach. "So how about you? Any kids?"

"4," he answered. He pulled out his wallet and handed Kate a picture. "It's Sarah. She had a son…she had a son a few days after we left for the island again. We had 3 more boys."

"All boys," she smiled. "And Sawyer has all girls. That's funny. I'm kinda hoping this one's a boy."

"Why don't you find out?" he asked. "I mean…Sarah wanted a girl and she wanted to know so she could prepare herself."

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I just guess I think it's more fun to be surprised. We already have our names picked out for a girl and a boy so…"

"We've got Jeffery, Greg, Stephen, and Jack Jr.," he pointed to each kid as he told her their names. "The Jack Jr., was not my idea."

"I think it's cute," Kate smiled. "If this one's a boy we're gonna name him Charlie. Mainly because it goes with Chloe, Chelly and Clem, but…also-"

"What are you going to do if it's a girl?" Jack smiled.

"I don't know," Kate shook her head. "I know that Sawyer's gonna loose his mind. He's got Aaron, but it's just not-he needs a guy in the house. We've just got too many girly things happening."

"I wasn't avoiding you," he said somewhat abruptly. "I wasn't."

"Ok," she whispered.

"I ran into Sarah shortly after-" he began. "I wasn't avoiding you."

"Jack you don't have to lie to me," Kate interrupted. "I know for a fact that you were avoiding me. You told me that we couldn't be friends. You told me that-"

"I know what I said," he stated. "I know. I bumped into Sarah and she was alone and miserable. And since I was alone and miserable, I told her we should keep each other company. She told me that we never should have broken up in the first place. I mean…I know it sounds lame, but I just wanted to be needed. You didn't ever need me. You needed your independence and I think Sawyer's the only person who would every really get that."

"You're right," she whispered, turning slightly pink. "But it doesn't mean that I wanted you out of my life."

"Kate!" Clementine exclaimed. "Can we go yet? The dance is in 3 hours!"

"Fine," Kate sighed. "Sorry Jack…I gotta-"

"Go," he nodded. "I get it. Jeffery will be wondering where I am…I was supposed to pick him up from football practice about 15 minutes ago. See you around Kate."

"Ok," she smiled. He held out his hand and she leaned forward and hugged him slightly awkwardly.

When they got back to the car Clementine was smiling at Kate. Kate finally looked over at her.

"What?" she asked.

"I'm telling dad when we get home," Clementine laughed. "You were hugging some strange man at the mall."

"He's just an old friend," Kate answered.

"So dad wouldn't care?" she asked.

That night Kate helped Clementine get ready for her dance. When Clementine left the house Kate walked back over to where Sawyer was waiting on the couch. She sat down next to him and took his hand in hers. She looked at him and sighed softly.

"I saw Jack at the mall," she confessed.

"Hmm," Sawyer murmured.

"Did you hear me?" she asked.

"Hmm," he answered again.

"Yeah," Kate said, leaning against his shoulder. "He looks really good. Not one grey hair."

She waited for a response, but Sawyer still didn't answer.

"He told me he was extremely lonely," Kate continued, still with no response from Sawyer. "So we went into the bathrooms and-Sawyer!"

"Yeah," he said. "What?"

"Did you even hear me?" she asked.

"Oh yeah, you saw Jack," he replied. "How is he?"

"What's wrong?" she whispered.

"Just worried," he sighed. "Clementine was already pregnant-and now she's going to this dance and she won't be home till 11:30…I think we should have made her stay at home."

"Sawyer it was 5 months ago," she said. "I mean we did ground her. There's nothing we can really do. If she's going to have sex, she's going to have sex."

"Oh thanks, that makes me feel a lot better," he scoffed. "It's not just that. I guess I'm a little nervous about-never mind, it's stupid."

"What?" she asked.

"It's stupid," he repeated.

"Come on," she whispered.

"I'm nervous about the baby," he said. "I know we've already raised 2 babies, but now…I mean I'm not young. I just-I don't think I can do this Kate."

"It's a little late now," she answered. "Are you changing your mind? I mean…James, you can't-"

"I'm not changing my mind," he sighed. "This is coming out all wrong. I just-I'm just nervous…that's all. I'm just-I'm just thinking about what's going to happen. It's been 8 years since we had a baby in the house. I just don't know if I can do this."

"You can," she whispered. "You can. We can do it together. And what about me James? I'm scared. I'm scared that I won't ever get my figure back. It took me nearly 2 years to lose all my baby weight from Chloe."

"What did you and Jack talk about?" he asked, changing the subject.

"He's got 4 boys," she said. "He got back together with his ex-wife."

"I win," he whispered and wrapped his arms around her.

"It's not about winning," she stated, staying in his arms and resting her head comfortably on his shoulder. "Jack was never happy. I couldn't make him happy. And I don't think he was ever happy a day on the island. I'm just really glad that he's happy. That's all that matter in the end."

"You're right," he sighed. "But in the end…I got you, and I got 3 girls and one on the way."

"We still don't know if Charlie is a boy or a girl," she replied.

"Yeah, but you wanted girls," he said. "I just have this feeling, that Charlie will be a girl."

"How would you feel about that?" she asked. "Another girl?"

"How would you feel?" he asked.

"I asked first," she responded.

"As long as the baby is ok, I don't care," he answered.

"I want a son," she told him. "I know we sort of have Aaron, but only sort of. He spends most all of his time with Claire, and…I just want a son of our own I guess."

Clementine was supposed to be home at 11:30. Sawyer thought that her curfew should be earlier, but the dance ended at 11:00, so Kate convinced him to let her stay out a little later. At 10:00 they went upstairs to get into bed. Sawyer lifted up Kate's shirt and started rubbing lotion on her stomach. It was a ritual they did every night. Kate got a chance to relax, and Sawyer could touch her belly for a half hour. She looked at him and smiled.

"James I-" Kate began and suddenly they heard the front door slam open, and they heard Clementine run downstairs in the basement where they built her a second bedroom. Sawyer looked at Kate and kissed her quickly before getting out of the bed. He carefully went down the stairs and then went to the basement. He could hear crying before he got all the way down the stairs. The second from the bottom step always creaked, so Sawyer tried to step over it.

"Go away dad," Clementine sniffled. "I'm fine."

"What are you doing home so early?" he asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," she answered.

"Did that boy-" he began.

"Stop," she answered. "Just stop!"

He crawled over her bed and toward her. He wrapped his arms around her and she didn't push him away.

"What happened?" he whispered softly.

"I went to the bathroom," she murmured softly. "Stupid bitch. She's such a traitor. I hate her. I hope that she got into a car with his drunk ass and they get into an accident."

"Clementine, you're not making much sense-" he began.

"Jessica," she interrupted. "Jessica was in the bathroom making out with my date. And I know that we were just going as friends, but your best friend isn't supposed to make out with your date, no matter if it's just as friends or not. She _knew_ I liked him. But they can have each other."

"That sucks," he whispered into her ear. "I'm sorry. Y'know…same thing happened to me. (she scoffed.)…no I'm serious. It was the 9th grade dance. We ended up going in this big group of people, and I got up the courage to ask the girl of my dreams. She said no-"

"Then it's not the same thing-" she interrupted.

"Now hold on a minute," he said. "When I got to the dance I saw my best friend Joey dancing with her. I asked him what was going on, and he told me that he asked her and she said yes. Now he knew that I was in love with this girl, but he asked her anyway."

"You told Kate that she was the only girl you were ever in love with," she answered.

"Ok," he nodded. "Well I thought I was in love with her. It just ended up being a huge crush, but still…I liked her, and my best friend knew about it. And he stole her right out from under me. Do you feel better?"

"Maybe a little," she murmured. "But I really just want to be alone. Is that ok dad?"

"Yeah," he said. "Night Clem."

He kissed her softly on the forehead and got back out of the bed. When he went up the stairs, Kate was standing in the middle of the stairway. They went the rest of the way up the stairs, and Sawyer helped her up the stairs. When they were back in bed Kate rolled toward Sawyer and smiled.

"Were you telling the truth?" she asked.

"No," he shook his head. "Actually it was the other way around. It's part of the reason I dropped out of school at 9th grade. My best friend and I started fighting all the time because I stole the woman of his dreams. We got into a fist fight in the middle of the hallway. I was expelled from the rest of the school year, and I never went back."

"You stole your best friend's girl?" she asked.

"Well, seems I also stole you too," he smirked.

"You didn't steal me," she shook her head. "You can't steal something that was already yours to begin with. You just got back what was yours."

He shook his head and let out a soft chuckle.

"Great answer," he whispered.

**4 Months Later**

Kate was waiting for Sawyer to bring her ice. Clementine was sitting next to her holding her hand.

"I can't believe you're letting me be here," Clementine beamed.

"Well don't worry," Kate chuckled. "When it comes time for me to actually push, you're going to have to wait in the waiting room with everyone else."

"Oh thank you!" she exclaimed. "I didn't know what to say without being too mean. Dad told me to be careful…he knew that you were going to be extra sensitive today-"

"I think you've helped enough Clementine," Sawyer said, appearing in the doorway. He walked toward her and handed her the ice.

"Thank you," she whispered. He leaned forward and kissed her softly, but somewhat passionately.

"Gross!" Clementine exclaimed. "Back off."

Sawyer smiled at Clementine and kissed Kate once more before sitting back down. He took Kate's other hand. They had to wait for the doctor to come back. They waited for almost an hour and a half and a doctor hadn't come see them.

"Sawyer just go get the doctor," Kate said.

"What if-" he started.

"I'll go," Clementine interrupted. "I'll go find a doctor."

She went into the hallway and Kate looked at Sawyer.

"I feel like I'm ready to push," she said.

"Don't!" he exclaimed.

"I'm not," she answered. "I just want the doctor to come and tell me that I'm ready to have this damn baby."

"Kate," Clementine said. "I found a doctor."

Jack came into the room and looked at Kate.

"Hi," he smiled. "So how long have you been waiting. Clementine was exaggerating a little, she said over an hour."

"It's been an hour and 34 minutes doc," Sawyer said looking at his watch.

"You're kidding me?" he scoffed. He looked at Kate's chart and then looked at her. "Ok…so this isn't going to be weird if I examine-"

"Just do it," she interrupted. "I need this baby out of me."

Jack chuckled and put on his rubber gloves. He examined her quickly and then looked at her.

"OK, you're gonna push," he said.

"W-what?" she asked.

"You're ready Kate," he replied. "There's no time for me to go find your real doctor, just push."

"Ok," she nodded.

Jack and Sawyer were by her side. Jack was doing the doctor thing and telling her what to do, but telling her she was doing great at the same time, and Sawyer was holding her hand. Clementine ended up staying, but she didn't look, she just held Kate's other hand.

"Here it comes," Jack said. "One more big push Kate."

Kate did as Jack said, and they both heard the baby crying. Kate breathed out deeply and let out a laugh.

"It's a boy," Jack told her. He put the baby up on her chest and she held him closely.

"Hi," she said to the baby. She chuckled and let out a soft sob, looking at Sawyer. "Sawyer."

"I'm gonna go get another doctor," Jack said.

"Jack," she stopped him. "Thank you. Come back ok?"

He nodded, and then disappeared out of the room. Kate sat up further and looked at the baby.

"He looks just like you," she whispered to Sawyer. He looked at her and then took the baby from her arms. "No!"

"Freckles," he chuckled. "Stop whining. I'll give him right back."

"Charlie," she said.

Sawyer handed her the baby again and looked at her.

"Move over," he said.

"Sawyer!" she exclaimed.

"I'm serious," he stated. "If you get to hold him, then at least I get to be comfortable."

She moved over and Sawyer got into the bed next to her. The doctor came in and whisked the baby away. Kate didn't want to let him go, but when Jack came back he made her give the baby to the doctor. Sawyer got back out of the bed and Jack sat down next to him.

"So you wanted me to come back?" he asked.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Jack, I've seen you twice in the past 10 years. I mean…I miss you. I think we should actually break back into the ranks of being friends."

"Ok," he whispered. "Well, in a few weeks after Charlie is a little older, why don't you all come to our house. Maybe our kids will be friends? But I gotta talk to Sarah. I'll call you."

"Ok," she whispered.

"You should get some rest Kate," Jack said. "Sawyer…let her sleep."

Jack left the room and Kate rolled over on her side, facing Sawyer. He put his hand in hers and sighed softly.

"You _should_ go to sleep," he whispered.

"I wanna go see Charlie," she told him. "I hate that they took him away from me. They didn't take Chloe from me.""Charlie will be right back," he said. "The doctors just have to check him over. We'll probably be able to go home tomorrow. And I know you need Jack.""Sawyer-no," she shook her head.

"Yes you do," he stated. "You need him because he's not me."

"I don't need him like I need you," she tried reassuring him.

"You need his friendship Kate," he replied. "We've been together for 10 years…I'm not going to be jealous. I just…I saw you light up when Jack came here to help you."

"I've missed him," she whispered.

"I know," he answered and leaned forward to kiss her. "I'm glad that he's here for you. And I'm glad that he helped you have the baby."

"I love you James," she said softly.

"I know," he replied.

**THE END **

**A/N: Ok, so I decided to end it here. I didn't want it to go too long. I hope everyone enjoyed it. Please please review. **


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